What’s in the shed? A vampire. Although the word ‘vampire’ isn’t actually said in the film, it’s just heavily implied. I suppose this was so the writer didn’t get locked into using most common vampire laws and tropes. If only this was a work of fiction in which the only limitation to the originality would be the creators’ imagination…

Opening with a scene showing a man running through the woods in terror, clearly running away from something as opposed to towards a clear destination. Suddenly he is attacked by a creature that resembles a piss poor bootleg Lord Voldermort and gets turned into a vampire. Unfortunately for our new monster, this happens just as the sun is rising. Feeling the burn from the sun immediately, he finds refuge in a shed; THE shed.

Introducing Stan (Jay Jay Warren), the orphan boy who lives with his abusive Grandpa and really fucking hates his life, and who could blame him? Sounds like shit. This is where the film becomes like most other horrors. Loner/loser kid at high school in a small town, bad home life, any adult figures around are morons, idiotic bullies for the sake of it and an unlikely female interest, Roxy (Sofia Happonen). Oh and don’t forget the outcast sidekick Dommer (Cody Kostro), just as angry, miserable and pissed off as Stan but the shed isn’t in his garden. 

What’s really nice to see is our central loners actually stand up for themselves against the bullies, even going so far as to kick the fuck out of the lead bully, Marble (Chris Petrovski). Really refreshing to see this sort of defiance from a downtrodden character. That’s as fresh as it gets though as the grown ups in this film (teachers, sheriffs) are less than fucking useless in doing anything about it. I understand it is probably always a decision made to get the narrative to develop but it’s a tired stereotype and one that shouldn’t be given any screen time.

Generic backstory and skip to the vampire killing Stans’ dog and Grandpa. Not a huge loss as he was a tool but the dog could have lived. A problem shared is a problem halved, so of course you tell your best mate about the murderous monster in your shed. I mean, what highschool kid wouldn’t want to have a killing shed to use on all the bastards that beat them up everyday? Quite the morality conundrum and that’s what I find interesting about The Shed. Tackling the issue of bullying in a different way. Allowing Stan and Dommer to fight back and figuratively quoting Twisted Sister; We’re Not Gonna Take It. Ultimately this rage and desire for some sort of revenge turns Dommer into a temporary loonatic, giving Marble the ultimatum; get in the shed or I’ll shoot you. If there wasn’t a vampire in the shed, what road would Dommer take? Would he eventually get hold of a weapon and kill Marble? If so, could you blame him? Oblivious teachers at school and zero parental concerns, subliminally enabling the bullies to crack on and torment him every day. I don’t think it would be too long before things got irreversibly nasty. Thankfully though, there’s a death shed to put to use. Hooray. 

Overall, The Shed is filled with awful over-acting, a ludicrous plot featuring some glaring holes, questionable character development and a double barreled shotgun that can somehow shoot three rounds before reloading. The characters aren’t that likeable, the romance element sort of appears out of nothing for reasons unknown to me. It’s not great but it’s not the worst horror film I’ve ever seen. This would be a laugh with a few beers and good company. Don’t watch it on your own though, not because it’s scary (it’s fucking not) but because you could literally be doing anything else.

Dir: Frank Sabatella

Scr: Frank Sabatella

Cast: Jay Jay Warren, Cody Kostro, Sofia Happonen, Frank Whaley, Siobhan Fallon Hogan, Chris Petrovski

Prd: Peter Block, Corey Neal

DOP: Matthias Schubert

Music: Sam Ewing

Country: USA

Year: 2019

Run time: 98 mins

Signature Entertainment presents The Shed on Digital HD from May 11th