One Wedding And More Than Four Burials – From The Impact Zone – September 27th 2019 Review

We know now Impact is moving to AXS TV, which is a great thing. I announced this week Impact will now air on Tuesday without any comment as I was waiting for this moment to talk about it. In a time of supposed war, Impact Wrestling make the best possible choice, not to fall into the trap of concurrency. Tuesday will be our Impact day of the week, what can we ask more (no news yet on a UK new air date)? Friday nights will host another show and, until October 29, Impact will go face to face with it. Can we call that war? No. In an era of on-demand and DVR, anyone can watch anything at any time. Instead of yelling everywhere the word war, we should be happy we can access so many wrestling shows, and appreciate that (In 1997, when you forgot to schedule the VHS, you were crying… trust me).
On the menu of Impact this week, from Las Vegas, Nevada, we will all attend Brian Cage and Melissa Santos wedding. Dave Crist and Tessa Blanchard will square off to determine who will take part in the X-Division Ladder match at Bound For Glory. Tenille Dashwood and Madison Rayne will compete. After defeating Cody Deaner last week, Shera will face off Cousin Jake. So no more words, let’s get ready for some action, but your French Enygma Steph way, of course…

The Nygma’s Chart of the Week

During the episode, new Impact interviewer Gabby Loren talked to several guests before the wedding.

  • LAX’s music played but it was The North dressed as and mimicking LAX who stepped into the ring. Ethan Page laughed at them and said that it’s too bad because the “losers” are gone. Josh Alexander told Konnan in the back that LAX is beneath them and that they are and will be the longest reigning tag team champions in Impact history. LAX’s music played again and Konnan makes his way down to the ring. He called them b**ches. After that, Konnan said LAX may be gone, but he has some “extreme friends”.
  • Rhino & RVD defeated The North.
  • Gama Singh was not pleased with The Desi Hit Squad’s lack of performance in the ring. He stated that he had to go back to India to get Mahabali Shera to help motivate the group. He told them all that they better start picking up the slack and work harder if they want him to keep supporting them.

  • Shera w/ Desi Hit Squad defeated Cousin Jake w/ Cody Deaner. After the match, Cody Deaner came into the ring and tried to fight Shera. The rest of The Desi Hit Squad came into the ring and beat him down. All the members of the Desi Hit Squad stood tall after.
  • Tenille Dashwood defeated Madison Rayne.
  • Ken Shamrock came to the ring. He said one of the greatest memories he has from Impact was when he won the Impact World Championship. He was glad to be back then addressed the elephant in the room, Moose, and all the smack talk he’s been saying this past couple of weeks. He thought he’s a 6’4″ man that is full of “s**t.” He was waiting to put Moose in his grave. He then called Moose out to fight him right then and there. On the screen, Moose was at Shamrock’s dojo training centre taking out several men who were just practising there. Someone tried to stop him from getting in an octagon ring, but Moose went on a rampage and took out Ken’s students. Moose said that he isn’t afraid of Shamrock and that he is going to kick his “f**king a**.”

  • Taya Valkyrie found Rosemary and begged her to get rid of Dashwood so she won’t have to face her at Bound For Glory. Rosemary called Valkyrie a coward and refused to do her dirty work. Her respect for Valkyrie is gone. The Champ gave her matching outfits for the wedding, which she was not pleased to receive.
  • Security pulled oVe from the wedding, groomsmen gave some words of encouragement to Cage and bridesmaids bickered.

  • Tessa Blanchard defeated Dave Crist (w/ Jake Crist & Madman Fulton) and qualified for X-Division title Ladder match at Bound For Glory. Post-match, Jake Crist and Madman Fulton attacked Tessa. Fulton stopped her with two high chokeslams.
  • Minutes before the wedding, The Rascalz were all smoke, Rosemary appeared outta nowhere, Rohit Raju was crying, Havok escaped the Deaners.

  • Tommy Dreamer brought Melissa Santos down the aisle. Officiant Ryan Cage asks if anyone has any objection to Brian and Melissa’s marriage. Taya Valkyrie and Ethan Page had something to say, a drunk Eddie Edwards had something to throw up. He hit the officiant, Tommy Dreamer asked for a new one, Father James Mitchell entered. Santos and Cage officially become Mr. and Mrs. Brian Cage. Melissa announced the reception would take place in the ring.
  • All the guests were standing around the ring. Melissa and Brian made their way down to the ring and had their first dance. All of a sudden, Sami Callihan made his way down to the ring singing, he asked who wants to party with “The Death Machine?” He said he was happy for them but his feelings were hurt that he wasn’t invited to the wedding. He made a toast and wished them a beautiful marriage, children, and a healthy life. He said this is his toast to the bride and “the b**ch.” Accidentally, he swang the bottle and it landed right on the side of Melissa’s head. Everyone went in to check on her.

The Nygma’s Nutcracker(s) of the Week

– Tenille Dashwood vs Madison Rayne
The match began in a lockup. Rayne reversed it and put Dashwood in a wrist lock. Dashwood got out of it and took Rayne down on the mat. Rayne got out of it and tried to crawl out of the ring. Dashwood stood in the middle of the ring unamused. Rayne followed it up with a clothesline. Dashwood came back with a running dropkick. Rayne got out of the ring and says bye to everyone. Dashwood dragged her back to the ring. Dashwood on the apron landed a sidekick. Rayne had Dashwood up on the second ropes and landed a backstabber. Rayne held Dashwood in a headlock. Dashwood got out of it. Dashwood threw several sidearms. She followed it up with a clothesline.  Rayne yelled out at Dashwood that “this isn’t her company or her division.” Dashwood got up and planted her signature move, the Spotlight/running enzuigiri for the win.

– Tessa Blanchard vs Dave Crist w/ Jake Crist and Madman Fulton
Blanchard went right for the attack at the beginning of the match. On the outside, Fulton tried to beat up Blanchard. The referee told him to leave the ring. Dave strangled Blanchard’s eyes. He backed her in the corner and swang a few shots towards the back of Blanchard’s head. Jake Crist from the outside attacked her while the referee wasn’t looking. Blanchard slowly climbed to her feet and defended herself with a few swings. She continued unloading a few hits and a sidekick from the apron. She headed up top, tried to land a Magnum, but turned into a sunset flip. Blanchard hit the buzzsaw DDT for the win.

The not-Nygma’s Moment(s) of the Week 

No Elgin this week, no Desi Hit Squad (read below). The North mimicking LAX was not necessary…
Oops, he did it again… Moose destroying a gymnasium reminded me of 2 years ago and the Lashley/ATT storyline. I hated that if you remember well.

The Nygma’s Award of the Week

The wedding was phenomenal. We had the bizarre priest, the drunk friend, the prankers, the woman with a strange hat, the guys who try to find a girlfriend… Tell me it never happened at a wedding you attended. Kudos to Tommy Dreamer who requested someone to officiate before the commercial break. Father James Mitchell was nothing else but perfect for that. So congratulations to Melissa and Brian who are now married under the Church of Satan powers.

Well, no wedding without a party crasher. Sami Callihan’s toast was as we could expect him to be. He was drunk, which explains the emptiness of the bottle he threw at Melissa’s face. The match between Cage and Callihan was meant to be explosive but the personal aspect added to this storyline could lead to something devastating. I agree with Sami on one thing, Cage needs to be back in the ring and defend his belt. We earned it…

 

To be eNYGMAtic…

I loved this episode. Some will say a woman can only love weddings. Sorry, I’m not like every woman. If most of the episode was about the wedding, the action was good, really. I was happy to see Ken Shamrock back, should I be as fine at 55…
Suddenly, the Bound For Glory card is taking better shape. The tension is climbing between Cage and Callihan, Tenille and Taya. For the first time ever in the long history of the title, the X-Division Champion should be a woman. It’s never been a better time to watch Impact…
On this “Nygma Never Cries at Weddings” note, until next week, never EVER forget to stay #eNYGMAtic…

Bound For Glory Card:

  • Impact World Championship Match: Brian Cage (c) vs Sami Callihan
  • Ken Shamrock vs Moose
  • Team Impact (The Rascalz) vs Team AAA (Dr Wagner Jr and 2 partners)
  • Michael Elgin vs Naomichi Marufuji
  • X-Division Championship Ladder Match: Jake Crist (c) vs Tessa Blanchard vs TBD
  • Impact Knockouts Championship Match: Taya Valkyrie (c) vs Tenille Dashwood

All pics, videos, and screenshots courtesy of Impact Wrestling. Special thanks to Basil Mahmud for his pics. Photomontage custom made by @frenchnygma exclusively for @steelchairmag @vulturehoundmag.

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