“Remind Me To Slap You” – From The Impact Zone – August 30th, 2019

Lucha Libre AAA and Impact Wrestling have been some important partners for a few years now. Every Team AAA vs Team Impact match has been good. The taste of Lucha Libre is so sweet for wrestling fans… Meanwhile, Bound for Glory is still scheduled for October 20, in Chicago. And Impact chose to take the Humpty Dumpty road… As of today, we can imagine a PPV card, but nothing is official, nothing is settled in stone… Like I told Brian Cage this week, we miss our Champion and we need him…
On the menu of Impact this week, from Mexico City, Mexico, Taya Valkyrie will defend the Knockouts Championship against someone big. Michael Elgin will face Rhino again, in a Falls Count Anywhere match. Rich Swann and Willie Mack will team up against The Rascalz. TJP, Golden magic, Taurus and Trey Miguel of The Rascalz will face in Four-Way Action. We’ll also hear from Ken Shamrock. So no more words, let’s get ready for some action, but your French Enygma Steph way, of course…

The Nygma’s Chart of the Week

  • Golden Magic defeated Trey, Taurus and TJP.
  • Kiera Hogan walked into the locker room and wanted Chik Tormenta to be excused as she was sitting in her seat. Vanilla Vargas walked in and spoke Spanish to Chik, but this only riled her up more. Jordynne Grace stepped in to stick up for Tormenta. Madison Rayne got in the middle and told them to relax. As the locker room leader, she booked them in a tag match.
  • Michael Elgin said every action has a reaction. There’s a toll to be paid for every path chosen. Tonight, in a Falls Count Anywhere, the toll was steep for Rhino. That meant the powerbomb could be through a stage, on the fans, wherever he wants it to be. A smart man only picked a fight they can win, which makes Rhino pretty stupid.

  • Rich Swann & Willie Mack defeated The Rascalz (Dez & Wentz). Post-match, both teams showed the utmost respect with hugs and raising each other’s arms.
  • Ken Shamrock responded to Moose. He thanks Impact for the opportunity and explained how the feud came to be. Shamrock told us how he used to live out of cars, and he’s been stabbed before… so he knows what a tough guy looks like and that’s not Moose. On September 5 and 6, he will be standing in front of Moose in Las Vegas.

  • Moose responded. He said Shamrock is only doing this because he wants publicity for his new bare-knuckle fighting promotion. There’s a word we use to describe people like Shamrock .. which is “attention whore”. Ken describes himself as the “World’s Most Dangerous Man”, so that should make Moose shake in his boots? He’s stronger than him. Faster than him. He’s a 5-star athlete. As Moose called Shamrock the “World’s Biggest Attention Whore”, Fallah Bahh stepped into the frame. Moose called him the fattest attention whore. Bahh says “Me. You. One more time … bitch!”.

  • Former WCW, WWE and TNA talent Johnny Swinger’s return to Impact Wrestling.

  • Taya Valkyrie and John E. Bravo, holding 236 sign, told Melissa Santos in just a few days, she will become the longest-reigning Knockouts Champion in history. On this day, Taya will defend her title against someone big.
  • On The Deaner’s farm, Gama Singh and Raj Singh were not enjoying working hard while Rohit Raju was talking to horses.

  • The oVe Creepy cam showed Sami Callihan saying he’s done with Dreamer, but not with Tessa. Impact officials still haven’t announced when he will get his title shot against Brian Cage. They are holding down The Draw because they don’t want him to be the face of the company. They’re coddling Cage and giving him everything he wants. He’ gave management a deadline of one more week, for Cage to show up and give him some answers. If they don’t? oVe are going to cause more chaos than they ever have before.
  • Knockouts Championship Taya Valkyrie w/ John E. Bravo defeated Big Mami. Valkyrie got on the mic and further talked herself up until Tenille Dashwood walked up to the champion, who berated and cursed at her in Spanish. Tenille took down the champion and John E. Bravo entered the ring to split them up. Dashwood dropkicked him in the face for interfering. Taya escaped and kept running her mouth. Tenille held up the Knockouts Championship, showing her intentions in Impact Wrestling.

  • Kiera Hogan & Vanilla Vargas vs. Jordynne Grace & Chik Tormenta never happened when Madison Rayne got involved and Rosemary came.
  • Jordynne Grace, Chik Tormenta & Rosemary defeated Kiera Hogan, Vanilla Vargas & Madison Rayne.
  • Ace Austin and Alisha Edwards were at the beach. He texted her to meet him there as it was an emergency. He told her there’s such a beautiful view here, and he knew she’d appreciate it. Alisha did not look thrilled and asked him what he wants. He wanted to set the stage for something he wanted to share, without Eddie or anyone else interfering. Austin wanted to tell her how he feels, but just as he was about to tell her he loves her… two mystery mugger’s showed up to steal Alisha’s bag. Austin tackled one of them, chased the other into the ocean and they fought as Alisha looked on. The mugger escaped and Ace went underwater for a second. He emerged and told Alisha he saved his bag. She thanked him and walked off because she has a match. Austin was left with a cheeky smile. He met up with the muggers who turned out to be Reno Scum, he paid them off for this stunt.

  • LAX w/ Santana were backstage with Konnan. The North walked up to them and Ethan Page told them the perks don’t go to them anymore, they go to the champions because they are the best team in the world. Konnan got in their faces and called them glory hole bitches, and he could have them shot, stabbed, kidnapped, or just straight up disappear if he wants. He asked them there to demand a title shot with LAX which is owed to them. Family insults were exchanged, which riled Santana up. He said LAX are 4-time Champions, the longest-reigning Tag champions who put this company on their backs. LAX has proven themselves, and what have The North done? Konnan said it’s idiot’s luck. Ortiz was so confident in beating The North, that he offered the stipulation of LAX having to leave Impact Wrestling if they were to lose. He didn’t want to be here if LAX couldn’t take out those scrubs.
  • Michael Elgin defeated Rhino in a Falls Count Anywhere Match. Rhino missed the Gore and crashed through a table.

The Nygma’s Nutcracker(s) of the Week

– TJP vs. Trey vs. Taurus vs. Golden Magic
They brawled at the bell, Taurus got dumped and Magic followed with a moonsault to the floor. Trey backed away from TJP, they worked into counters and TJP dabbed at Trey. Magic back in followed with superkicks, and then some cutters. The enzuigiri followed, and then some hurricanranas. Taurus hit a head butt to Magic and worked over the others with kicks and strikes. Taurus ran wild here with the pump handle flatliner. TJP fired back and hit the arm drag into a headscissors. He worked submissions on Magic and Trey until Taurus made the save. Taurus then suplexed Magic and TJP.

Trey fired away with kicks, double Papinade (Pele kicks) followed. TJP cut him off, Taurus fired back, Trey cuts off he and TJP. Magic hit a tornillo and Taurus made the save. He followed with strikes, and then the run-up high cross. The rack breaker followed and TJP made the save. TJP now hit the tornado DDT, Trey was back, TJP took him up top and Trey slipped out into Cheeky Nandos. The 619 connected, Magic cut him off, followed him up and Trey knocked him to the mat. Meteora missed, TJP hit the detonation kick and locked on the heel hook but Magic hit a 450 on Trey for the win.

Rich Swann & Willie Mack vs. Dez & Wentz
Mack and Wentz began, they locked up and worked into counters and Mack followed with an arm drag. Dez and Swann tagged in and they picked up the pace, working into counters as Swann hit a hurricanrana. Wentz did the same, so did Mack. Post break, the Rascalz double-teamed Swann. Wentz followed with strikes, Dez tagged in and double-team moves followed until Swann tagged in Mack.

Mack ran wild, hit a German suplex and a Samoan drop. The standing moonsault followed. With Swann back in, the double team neck breaker followed but Wentz made the save. Wentz got dumped and Dez fought back with strikes, Mack cut him off, Wentz tagged in and they hit some double-teams moves. Wentz followed with strikes, Dez tagged in and Swann made the save. It broke down, Mack unleashed a big clothesline, a hurricanrana and the frog splash for the win. 

Nygma or not-Nygma?

NYGMA Award to Rich Swann and Willie Mack. The match was great, the men ARE great.
To the AAA roster because they are just shining. To Rhino for the special SteelChair NutCracker…

NOT NYGMA… The rest of the show. Let’s be honest, Ace Austin doing his Ursula Andress like in “007 vs Dr No”, The Desi Hit Squad at the farm with Gama looking stupid, the flood of curse words, Elgin doing his Killer Kross (only Kross make pay the toll…), Johnny Swinger and Ken Shamrock coming back (Impact is not a retirement house…), Madison Rayne as locker room leader… Are you killing me?

To be eNYGMAtic…

I was expecting it to happen, but not to say this word. No. We are in Lucha Libre AAA country, with fantastic talents to show up, Tenille arrived, and? Excepted the first 2 matches, the rest of the show is to forget, quite simply.
The Road to Bound for Glory is made of 7 more weeks. Moving forward is not necessary, it’s vital. At a moment where the business is about to witness a war like no other, where a certain company will put one of its flagship shows the same day and almost the same hour than Impact Wrestling, no time to have fun anymore. We want action, we want our Champions, we want the cinematic orchestra. We want Impact Wrestling
Reviewing a 2-hour show like Impact is a 5 to 7-hour work. You can’t imagine all I can do in 5 to 7 hours… I have a lot of respect for this company, I love it… But not this week… On this “Nygma Says NO” note, until next week, never EVER forget to stay #eNYGMAtic…

All pics, videos, and screenshots courtesy of Impact Wrestling. Photomontage custom made by @frenchnygma exclusively for @steelchairmag @vulturehoundmag.

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