Candles were blown, the anniversary was celebrated, let’s move forward! The Road to Slammiversary XVII is a long and winding one. We’re 4 weeks away from the PPV and things are slowly taking shape. Impact taped some new episodes on Thursday and Friday nights, and you should appreciate what you are going to watch very soon (I won’t say anything, even if you tickle me…).
On the menu this week, still from Philadelphia, Kiera Hogan vs Jordynne Grace, Ace Austin vs Jake Deaner, MadMan Fulton in action, Knockouts Champion Taya Valkyrie vs Rosemary, Fallah Bahh and Scarlett Bordeaux vs Dave and Jake Crist, and Impact World Tag Team Champions will put their title on the line against The Rascalz. So no more words, let’s get ready for some action, but your French Enygma Steph way, of course…
The Nygma’s Chart of the Week
- Ace Austin defeated Jake Deaner, thanks to The Desi Hit Squad attacking Cody Deaner.
- Taya Valkyrie vs Rosemary ended in a no-contest when Jessicka Havok arrived and attacked Rosemary. Havok and Father James Mitchell set Su Yung free.
- In The Rascalz tree house, Trey was ready for their tag match. Dez reminded him he’s at ringside tonight, which made him feel left out. Trey said if he’s not wrestling tonight, then he’s going to drink. Wentz said he may have a problem, which he did not object.
- Eddie Edwards met with The Sandman and said he couldn’t accept the kendo stick because it’s not Kenny and wouldn’t be fair to it. Sandman drew a face on him, making him Kenny 2.0.
- Video package of Cage training for Slammiversary.
- Elgin cut a promo and said he does everything better than Cage. Next week, he’ll send The Mack to the hospital.
- MadMan Fulton w/ Sami Callihan destroyed two jobbers. After the match, Callihan got on the mic. He said he is s sick of this Knockouts Division bull crap. Sami wanted to kick Scarlett Bordeaux and Fallah Bahh’s asses, so he called Jake and Dave Crist to join him in the ring. Before the match, the official banned Callihan & Fulton from ringside.
- Dave & Jake Crist defeated Fallah Bahh & Scarlett Bordeaux. Tessa Blanchard rushed out to save Scarlett from oVe. She took out both men, ending the commotion with a Magnum on Jake.
- Willie Mack said Elgin isn’t going to send him to the hospital. And Rich Swann said he will have his back. Johnny Impact interrupted them and made fun of them and said he’ll be taking the X-Division title from Swann at Slammiversary.
- Sami yelled at oVe for allowing Tessa to kick their asses. Sami said he’s sick of the Knockouts, and they will get their revenge.
- Jordynne Grace defeated Kiera Hogan.
- In LAX’s clubhouse, Konnan teased that his guys were taking their challengers lightly. Santana was sleeping and Ortiz was eating. He warned them if they don’t get their heads in the game, they could lose their titles tonight.
- Moose shamed the old legends who only come back for a payday. He was pissed with Rob Van Dam and challenges him to a match to prove he is the real F’n show at Slammiversary. Til he gets the golden words “Yes”, he promised to make RVD’s life a living hell.
- Impact World Tag Team Champions LAX w/ Konnan defeated The Rascalz (Dez & Wentz w/ Trey) via DQ. After the referee had Puerto Rican Moonshine spat in his eyes, Trey got involved and pinned Ortiz. A second referee quickly ran in to make the 3-count, despite Trey not being part of the match. The Rascalz celebrated with the titles until the original referee reversed the decision.
The Nygma’s Nutcracker(s) of the Week
– Dave & Jake Crist vs. Fallah Bahh & Scarlett Bordeaux
Jake attacked, but Bahh quickly cut him off and hits a belly-to-belly suplex. Sami and Fulton got ejected to the back as they distracted Bahh, allowing Jake to attack. Bahh battled back, slamming Dave, and followed with a corner splash. Jake saved Dave and Bahh posted himself. Jake tagged in and grounded the action. Double teams followed as oVe had control with Dave tagging in. Bahh tried to fire back, but Dave hit a dropkick. He followed with strikes, tagged in Jake. They isolated Bahh in their corner. Bahh again fired back, but Dave tagged in and cut him off. Jake back in choked out Bahh.
Bahh finally cuts him off, dumped Dave, but oVe cut off the tag, pulling Scarlett to the floor. Bahh cut off Jake and tagged in Scarlett. She hits a head scissors, a corner ass attack and another head scissors on Jake. She headed up top and hit the high cross on both. Bahh joined her and hit the suicide dive. Scarlett went up top and hit the cannonball to the floor. Back in, Dave cut off Scarlett, allowing Jake to hit a slam. Bahh made the save and Scarlett hit the reverse hurricanrana on Jake. She and Bahh hit a Doomsday Device and Scarlett. Bahh tagged back in and looked for the Banzai drop with Scarlett on his back and missed as Dave moved. Dave hit Bahh with a roll of quarters and pinned him.
– Jordynne Grace vs. Kiera Hogan
Hogan heeled it up, refusing the handshake. Grace mowed her down with a shoulder tackle, but Hogan fired back with a dropkick. Grace cut her off and hit a second rope senton and the delayed jackhammer. Hogan begged off, wanting to be friends, but Grace slapped the shit out of her. Hogan then took out the knee. She then choked out Grace, laid in kicks, and the basement dropkick. Hogan choked her out in the ropes again.
Grace battled back, hit a suplex, but Hogan follows with a Protect Ya Neck. She followed with kicks, Grace had enough and cut her off with a spinebuster. She posted Hogan and follows with double knees, a cannonball, and the Vader bomb. They worked up top and Hogan looked for a sunset bomb, but then took out the knees and hit a neck breaker. They traded strikes, Grace then hit a slam. They traded again, kicks by Hogan followed but Grace hit the Grace driver for the win.
– LAX vs. The Rascalz
Trey and Konnan were at ringside. Ortiz and Wentz began. They locked up and Ortiz grounded the action and cradled him. Wentz countered back, picked up the pace and hit a tornillo press. Dez tagged in and double teams followed on Ortiz. They worked over Santana now, dumped him and followed with dives as the challengers ran wild. Back in, the Swanton and the double stomp connected on Ortiz. Post break, LAX took control, cutting off Wentz and working double team moves. Santana maintained the heat, grounding Wentz and then laying in chops. Ortiz planted him with a uranage, and double teams followed until Dez made the save.
Santana tagged in and choked out Wentz. Wentz finally countered back and hit the back handspring kick and tagged in Dez. He ran wild on LAX, laid in strikes and followed with a dropkick. He then laid in a flurry of strikes, a cutter, and then a suicide dive. Dez hit the backflip Papinade (Pelé kick, I know), it broke down and Santana hit a cutter. LAX looked for double teams, but Dez made the save and the challengers hit toss moonsault. Ortiz cut off Wentz, stole his bottle back and Dez hit the Nutcracker as the referee ended up misted with the alcohol. Santana superkicked Wentz, but Wentz countered back with a cutter. Trey in hit the Meteora and pinned Santana for the Dusty finish since the referee was blinded. A new referee came out and they reversed the decision, calling it a DQ.
The not-Nygma’s Moment(s) of the Week
So, Michael Elgin still wants to send everyone to the hospital? Wonderful, not-Nygma 5,000%…
Welcome back to The Desi Hit Squad that I haven’t forgotten… They messed up in a good match, not-Nygma…
The Nygma’s Award of the Week
– Scarlett Bordeaux
One Nygma award for 3 months. The sultry blonde bombshell is epitomizing intergender wrestling on Impact, and she’s doing so well…
– Kenny 2.0
Yes, he’s not Kenny, but Crazy Eddie Edwards would not be the same without a kendo stick… Will he and Kenny 2.0 be good friends? That is the question…
– Tessa Blanchard
oVe’s new enemies are 2 women. Tessa destroyed Jake and Dave, with a sublime Nutcracker on Jake. Tessa has been used to working intergender matches, why would she be afraid so?
– “Dark” Kiera Hogan
Kiera Hogan didn’t come back from The Undead Realm the same. She embraced the dark side Allie was adopting before dying. The Girl on Fire is ready to spread a deadly fire on the Impact Zone.
– Jessicka Havok
The former Knockouts Champion is back on Impact and made a statement in attacking Rosemary. Father James Mitchell found a weapon of choice to make her pay. Rosemary’s ride to the Knockouts title could be more complex than she was expected…
To be eNYGMAtic…
What to say about this episode… THANK YOU, IMPACT! When, at the same time, another company was making an example of what wrestling is not supposed to be, this week on Impact it was all about female wrestlers, competing against men or women. That’s exactly what wrestling is meant to be.
Action wise, nothing bad to say. I’m not a fan of squash matches and DQ, but when they’re necessary to build a storyline… Four weeks before Slammiversary XVII, you can feel the shape of things to come. I won’t tell you about what happened during NYC tapings, but this PPV could tear the house down…
On this truly “I hate Beyoncé but her song title was fitting” note, until next week, never EVER forget to stay #eNYGMAtic…
All pics, videos, and screenshots courtesy of Impact Wrestling. Photomontage custom made by @frenchnygma exclusively for @steelchairmag @vulturehoundmag.