Hardcore Birthday To You – From The Impact Zone – May 31st, 2019

“This is your birthday… We’re gonna have a good time…” Happy Beatles birthday to all of you… No, no, happy Nygma birthday to Impact review! I’ve been there, week after week, for 2 years now, yes… As it seems like you love that, I have no reason to stop… So, we’re 5 weeks away from Slammiversary XVII and we move… Forward would be the perfect word, in a perfect world… We terribly miss our Champion, Brian Cage was looking forward to being a reigning and defending Champion. He will be back soon, Impact is taping new episodes by the end of the week and, for sure, he will be there…
On the menu this week, still from Philadelphia, The Desi Hit Squad will face off the Deaners, Johnny Impact will team up with Michael Elgin against Rich Swann and The Mack. Tessa Blanchard will kick the ass of, sorry compete against Glenn Gilbertti, Eddie Edwards will try to seek revenge against Killer Kross in a Street Fight match. The North and Moose will square off with ECW Originals Sabu, Tommy Dreamer and Rob Van Dam. We’ll also hear from Brian Cage who will provide an update on his health. So no more words, let’s get ready for some action, but your French Enygma Steph way, of course…

The Nygma’s Chart of the Week

  • RVD, Sabu, & Dreamer defeated The North (Josh Alexander & Ethan Page) and Moose. Tables and chairs were involved.
  • Brian Cage is back to training but is he’s not cleared to wrestle. He said he’s sick of hearing Michael Elgin bragging about what he did to him. At Slammiversary, he’s going to be there defending the title.
  • Moose said he’s been going about things the wrong way with Killer Kross and The North, so from now on, he’ll do things himself.

  • Tessa Blanchard defeated Disco Inferno. Before the match, Glenn Gilberti insulted Tessa Blanchard and women in general. After saying he will be her “daddy”, she punched him in the face. After the match, the crowd chanted “She’s your daddy!”
  • LAX was backstage drinking with the titles. Smoke appeared in the room, it was not Scarlett Bordeaux but The Rascalz. Apparently, they have been training for a tag team title match, but LAX hasn’t heard anything about it. As they’re good friends, they agreed to a match anyway. Trey went one drink too far, downing all the Tequila they have left… which made Ortiz a little upset.
  • Rich Swann and Willie Mack Mack cut a promo on tonight’s main event with Michael Elgin and Johnny Impact. They’ve got the fire, the charisma, and all the attributes necessary to take them out.

  • The Deaners defeated Desi Hit Squad w/ Gama Singh.
  • Killer Kross video package, in which he was discussing his issues and feud with Eddie. Ignorance is a universal disease. Tonight, he will inflict suffering. Kenny’s gone, and he was only trying to help. Eddie is afraid of being alone. No more than ever, he will be isolated. In the end, everyone paid the toll. Tick, tock…
  • Michael Elgin commented on Cage being stupid and said Impact management should just hand him the Championship. Johnny Impact arrived and said he’s challenging for the X-Division championship at Slammiversary, and that tonight, he hoped they can co-exist. Elgin agreed.
  • Eddie Edwards defeated Killer Kross, thanks to The Sandman who offered him Kenny II. They celebrated with beers.

  • James Mitchell visited Rosemary and Su Yung. This was getting out of hand, so it was time for a history lesson. The story of Allie is told, although in a convenient way to make Rosemary look accountable. He asked why, if they were such good friends, why did she let Allie die? This angered Rosemary to the point she choked him out. Mitchell crawled away, as Rosemary adamantly claimed Su Yung belongs to her.
  • The oVe Creepy Cam showed Sami Callihan not only talking down Fallah Bahh and Scarlett Bordeaux but the Knockouts division (Su Yung, Rosemary, Tessa Blanchard), saying none of them can match up to oVe.
  • Willie Mack & Rich Swann defeated Johnny Impact & Michael Elgin when Elgin left the match.

The Nygma’s Nutcracker of the Week

There will be only one this week, Killer Kross vs. Eddie Edwards. They epitomize this birthday review. Eddie Edwards has been a part of Impact Wrestling for a very long time, through the best and the worst, he’s probably one of the best wrestlers today, and one of the kindest men I’ve ever met. Killer Kross is the best thing that has ever happened to Impact over these last 2 years. His debut was wonderfully teased, the character is just incredibly vicious, the wrestler is utterly talented. And a great human being…

Edwards rushed to the ring and they brawled right away. Edwards followed with a plancha and then hit an apron bomb on Kross. Edwards grabbed a trashcan but Kross cut him off with an overhead toss on the floor. Kross followed with knee strikes and then posted Edwards. Back in the ring, Edwards cut him off but Kross stopped the dive with a trashcan shot. The suplex on the floor followed. Back in, Kross was cut off with a Blue Thunder Bomb onto a trashcan. He connected with trashcan lid shots, taking Kross down.

Edwards brought a ladder in and ran into a choke from Kross, but escaped with lid shots and Kross levelled him with a kick. Kross fired up and brought in chairs, set them up with the ladder and stomped away at Edwards. He connected with kicks, but Edwards no fired up and Kross strangled the eyes and powerbombed him onto the ladder set up on the chairs. Kross piled up chairs, choked out Edwards and then took him up top. Kross followed him up, Edwards fought him off and hit the sunset bomb into the pile of chairs.

Edwards now set up chairs, followed with strikes, but Kross countered the Tiger Driver and slammed Edwards onto the chairs. The Tree Slam into the chairs followed. The Saito suplex followed, and Kross got his black gloves, allegedly lead-lined, but the Sandman arrived and caned Kross. Edwards hit the Boston knee party and picked up the win. Post-match, Sandman presents Eddie with Kenneth II.

This was good, Kross is made for hardcore, something in which we haven’t seen it yet on Impact. Eddie Edwards didn’t need to be saved by The Sandman. He could have done it on his own. This match deserved a better end, instead of a bitter one…

The not-Nygma’s Moment(s) of the Week 

Are you ready? I blow out the candles…

– So, Michael Elgin has the World Championship shot, like that? Wonderful, not-Nygma 4,000%…

– Glenn Gilbertti… Hell froze over Disco…

– Johnny Impact is going for the X-Division title… He won the Ultimate X match at United We Stand iPPV, but why not a rematch for the World Championship? That doesn’t sound logic, even if the prestige of the 2 belts is the same.

– After my statement of last week, I had complaints from dinosaurs. They stated I treated them unfairly and they could do it in a ring, whenever they want. Put together Dreamer, Van Dam, Sabu and The Sandman, and you reach 205 years in a ring. I may have been a huge fan of ECW, I’m not moving forward if I’m falling into nostalgia… And Impact has to move forward…

The Nygma’s Award of the Week

– Scarlett Bordeaux
One Nygma Award for 3 months… I’m a woman of my words when she’s a legit wrestler…

– Tessa Blanchard
She kicked Gilbertti’s ass… Well done…

– The North
I stick to my idea that Alexander and Page can really become the next Tag Team Champions. I look at the future, I move forward, and they could easily grab the belts from LAX this year. If they were involved in the good storyline…

The 2-Year Anniversary Nygma Awards

I wrote my first Impact review on April 13th, 2017, but I officially became Impact Wrestling reviewer of June 1st, 2017. At that time, we called this company GWN, the roster was in Mumbai, India.
I’ve written about countless wrestlers in 2 years… A lot of them left, many arrived, and some are still there. I’ve seen the very best, like the very worst…  I’ve written hundreds of reviews, interviews, press passes… And I’m still here. Because I move forward, as eNYGMAtic as I can be, as bold as I am able to be, as funny as I think I am…
I’ve come here every week with NutCrackers, NutStompers, BumCrackers, and a flurry of stupid expressions from French wrestling commentators that I made mine. Impact Wrestling has become such an important part of my life, as a writer, that I needed to create this Nygma universe, to show the world I can be everything I’m not in real life. Something I would never trade, for anything in the world. 

To Rosemary, Eddie Edwards, LAX, Konnan, all the “GWN Originals” who were there before I started, thank you for always being there… As fellow readers and supporters, but also as friends…
To Killer Kross, Sami Callihan, oVe, Johnny Impact, Rich Swann, thank you for being on Impact and allowing me to thrill…
To Taya, Tessa, Su, Kiera, Jordynne, Scarlett, and all the Knockouts, thanks for being true examples. Women can do anything, you prove it every week…
To Impact Management, Creatives, Public Relations in the USA and in the UK, thank you for entrusting me and making me a part of your family…
To all of you, a massive MERCI… 

To be eNYGMAtic…

What to say about this episode… Not bad, the show was solid, with action there, but too many backstage segments… We’re moving forward as one match was officially announced for Slammiversary XVII, and another one hyped.
With tables, chairs and a Street Fight/hardcore match, it could have been the perfect episode to celebrate my Impact birthday but I needed more to be satisfied… And I’m pretty hard to satisfy as a wrestling fan… I think, after so many reviews, you understood that…
On this truly “Like a Candle in the Wind” note, until next week (maybe), never EVER forget to stay #eNYGMAtic…

All pics, videos, and screenshots courtesy of Impact Wrestling and Killer Kross. Photomontage custom made by @frenchnygma exclusively for @steelchairmag @vulturehoundmag.

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