Just a few days before Slammiversary XVI… We’ve travelled together in a very strange universe made of masks, kendo sticks, X-Cross and blood to reach that point. A pay-per-view that would be unmissable, a show to remember. But we have one last Impact to share before. An episode made of the debut of Joe Hendry in the Impact Zone, Tessa and Shotzi Blackheart teaming up against Allie and Kiera Hogan, The Desi Hit Squad and Killer Kross will be in action, and Moose and Austin Aries will confront in the ring one last time before the PPV. No more words, let’s get ready for some action, your French Enygma Steph way, of course…
There were a lot of promos for Slammiversary XVI matches and their participants, Madison Rayne, LAX, LAX’s OGz, Johnny Impact, Moose, Austin Aries…
Killer Kross vs. Petey Williams
I wasn’t expecting this match to happen that fast, because this storyline can’t stop this way. Killer Kross played with Petey Williams like with a rag doll. Petey tried to work leg kicks to start. But Kross seemed like not feeling it and slammed Petey into the turnbuckles. Petey laid in strikes again, but Kross cut him off with an overhead toss and another toss. Petey tried again, but Kross hit a big Xploder suplex.
Petey replied and this time it worked. The codebreaker and the DDT made it. Petey went for the Canadian Destroyer, but Kross hits the Saito Suplex. He then choked out Petey with a cobra clutch. He let go and then Petey asked for more. Kross allowed Petey to try the Destroyer but turned it into an Alabama slam and choked him out in the Kross Jacket. Kross put the X-card on his opponent and left the ring
While they were in the middle of a photoshoot, Joe Hendry said he’s got a surprise for Grado. And trust me, sometimes a picture worths a thousand words…
The Desi Hit Squad (Gursinder Singh & Rohit Raju w/Gama Singh) vs. Fallah Bahh & KM
Gama Singh was a bad guy. In the Impact Zone, he’s still a bad guy. You read Fallah Bahh, so you know you’ll read Horror Movie Moments. And you’re right because he unloaded the roll and the splash. Bahh and KM had control of the whole match, they outpowered Rohit and Gursinder. BUT Gama interfered and distracted the referee, his boys knocked Bahh out. Then the Desi Hit Squad won with a roll-up pin from Gursinder with feet on the ropes. One word to describe this match, Bahhhhhh!
Eli Drake vs. Joe Hendry w/Grado and Katarina Leigh
The “Titanic is sinking” moment of the show. Hendry is singing, and pretty well… Eli attacked with stomps but Hendry came back with a suplex. Eli replied with a neckbreaker and a leg drop. Hendry connected with some clotheslines, a neckbreaker and a DDT. Drake reversed a slam, went for the Gravy Train BUT Hendry reversed it into a schoolboy and won.
Andrew Everett vs Dezmond Xavier Eddie Edwards Unchained, Vol. 5268452456
We were meant to have a great X-Division style match BUT suddenly, Eddie Edwards rushed in the ring and beat down with a kendo stick. He talked to Tommy Dreamer and said the time has come. He didn’t care about the House of Hardcore stipulation. He promised pain, violence and blood. And Edwards will kneel down to feel that blood and taste the blood. Dreamer will look up at him and realize that Edwards is the true Innovator of Violence. At Slammiversary XVI, Edwards will be Dreamer’s never-ending nightmare. It’s official, Eddie Edwards had become a Vampire…
Madison Rayne’s Nightmare
Rayne was at a funeral home, she opened a casket and saw herself inside. Suddenly she was somewhere else and there was a creepy man with white makeup saying her time has come. Madison ran and busted through a door. A little girl asked her if she knew where her mommy was and she said no. Suddenly the little girl was wearing white makeup too and everything became scary. The second after, Madison was back in the middle of the field she was in last week, drenched with blood. Creepy, so delightful…
Greg Osbourne vs Sami Callihan w/ Dave and Jake Crist
Callihan attacked, hit a Cactus Driver, put Pentagon’s mask on Osbourne and kicked him in the head. He asked the fans if they wanted to see him lose his hair. He also asked the poor Greg before hitting the Get Out Of Here for the win. After the match, Callihan cut a promo on Slammiversary. But Pentagon showed up on the screen and said at Slammiversary he will demonstrate to him why Impact is his house.
Shotzi Blackheart &Tessa Blanchard vs. Allie & Kiera Hogan
Hogan and Tessa locked up to start the match. Tessa attacked her into the ropes, Hogan replied with rights and a bulldog. Blackheart in, but Hogan dumped her to the floor and connected with a suicide dive. Back in, Allie got the tag and unloaded a clothesline and a suplex. Tessa yelled at Blackheart to not mess this up for her. Hogan was tagged in but Tessa hit a nasty superkick on the apron.
Double down for Tessa back in and Hogan, so Allie and Blackheart were tagged in. Allie ran wild and hit the corner dropkick, followed by a sliding D and a Russian leg sweep. Tessa in and she and Allie argued, Hogan distracted Tessa in order to let Allie superkick her. Blackheart attacked with a neck breaker. Allie hit another superkick, Blackheart went for the tag but Blanchard jumped off the apron and refused to take the tag. “That’s not my problem, that’s your problem not,” she said. Blackheart alone, Allie hit the code breaker for the win. Nice match…
While Callihan and oVe were looking for Pentagon backstage, we found out the blonde bombshell that is coming soon is, in fact, Scarlett Bordeaux and she will make her debut next week. After some Slammiversary promos, Dave and Jake were looking for Sami. Suddenly, they saw a man with the Pentagon mask and they attacked him. It was Sami under the mask. Suddenly, Pentagon showed up behind them and started to torture them one by one, breaking their arms, while Callihan was still tied to a chair.
Austin Aries- Moose: The Ultimate Confrontation
Moose made his way to the ring to say he’s been away from the Impact Zone for the last few weeks to prepare for Slammiversary. He said if Aries thought his mind games will work, then he’s been eating too many bananas. Moose added Aries should bring a banana with him so he could torture this poor fruit by putting it in my favourite part of Aries’s anatomy (Are they serious? Listening to the word “violate” shocked me… mostly with a banana…).
A-Double showed up on the screen saying he was playing chess while Moose was playing checkers. He said he was one step ahead of Moose and he didn’t need to go back because they didn’t need a Moose on the loose. Aries suddenly showed up behind Moose with a chair while Aries on-screen was saying he needed to have eyes in the back of his head. Aries started with a good-old nutcracker and took Moose out with a chair. As he was raising the title, Moose stood up and got his heat back by tossing Aries into the turnbuckle, but Aries avoided a chair shot as he rushed out of the ring.
This episode was a miss. It wasn’t bad, but it should have been aired a few weeks before. The teasing would have worked better at that time. Killer Kross has really become my C.O.A.T., greatest Carnage-maker Of All Time (if you find better for letter C, tell me). The banana sentences were fully inappropriate. But the oVe and Madison Rayne segments were absolutely appropriate. This episode was a strange cocktail of everything and nothing at the same time. Like my review this week…
My fellow readers will forgive me not for doing the usual card/stakes/predictions piece. But you know what the stakes are because you’re reading the review week after week. And the card and my predictions are just below. I see you on Monday night for the PPV results and review… until Slammiversary, enjoy all the interviews I’m going to share with you this weekend… and never forget to stay #eNYGMAtic…
Slammiversary XVI Card
Impact World Championship Match: Austin Aries (c) vs. Moose
Impact Knockouts Championship Match: Su Yung (c) vs. Madison Rayne
Impact X Division Championship Match: Matt Sydal (c) vs. Brian Cage
House of Hardcore Match: Tommy Dreamer vs. Eddie Edwards
Mask vs. Hair Match: Pentagon Jr. vs. Sami Callihan
Four-Way Match: Johnny Impact vs. Taiji Ishimori vs. Fénix vs. Rich Swann
5150 Street Fight: LAX OG’s (Hernandez & Homicide w/ The King) vs. LAX (Santana & Ortiz w/ Konnan)
Knockouts Match: Tessa Blanchard vs. Allie
The eNYGMAtic Predictions: Aries/ Madison Rayne/ Brian Cage/ Eddie Edwards/ Pentagon Junior/ Johnny Impact/ LAX/ Allie. Feel free to share yours with me on Twitter, the links are below.
All pics, videos, and screenshots courtesy of Impact Wrestling. Photomontage by @frenchnygma exclusively for @steelchairmag.