An estimated two billion people watched Prince Harry and Meghan Markle tie the knot at Windsor on Saturday 19th of May.

Gawp at the figure as you will but take into account projections include internet viewings. Within that two billion people are two billion opinions varying from ‘I don’t care’ to ‘it was the greatest wedding ever!’

For me, it didn’t spark a sense of overriding jubilation, I didn’t have a wave of love wash over me and run round to propose to my next door neighbour, and I didn’t sit there all bah humbug saying what a waste of time it all is and these people should be doing far more productive things like recycling!

Photo by David Mirzoeff/PA Wire URN:36579697

Instead, like many, I was caught in some sort of emotionally disabled malaise.

Attempting to observe the situation from as neutral a position as possible in order to objectively report the mad groups of women tied to each other with bunting, the workers and delivery drivers unable to finish their 16 hour shifts stuck behind the royal procession, and the perfect people of high-class society sauntering round Windsor looking like they’d arrived from a different planet, all I could really think was how crazy we all are. And it’s in this craziness that emanates our humanity.

In this fragmented era of Me Too passport holding immigration preaching equality championing Brexiteering Remoaners, no matter how deep the divides, we all gave up a precious piece of our hectic schedules to come together and witness an event that will never hold any sort of bearing on our lives, and in doing this we all received a piece of happiness for it.

I, like many, sat at home celebrity spotting wondering what would you say if you were at a wedding in Windsor holding your glass of fizz between David Beckham, George Clooney, The Duke Of York, and The Arch Bishop Of Canterbury? Anyone know any good jokes…

Photo by: Gareth Fuller/PA Wire URN:36580843

And, when everyone was seated in the chapel waiting for Meghan to arrive and reveal her dress, I had more excitement building in me than I did the FA Cup final (which to be fair wasn’t hard considering the sides contesting this year’s trophy).

But, like the title suggests, it was all something of nothing. I didn’t actually feed my craving and wait to see the dress (Clare Waight Keller, Givenchy), or the lifting or the veil, or listen to the words ‘I now pronounce you husband and wife’. Instead, I showed my humanity and went crazy, deciding to spend the glorious day on a golf course playing the most horrendous form of the sport whilst burning my head under the mid-afternoon sun having forgotten my cap. My piece of happiness received, I loved every moment of it.

Thanks to Meghan and Harry for sharing such a wonderful day. Have a long and happy life together.

By Harry Jamshidian

Daydreaming scriptwriter and part-time reviewer living in Kingston.