Today, whilst looking for ways to describe SmackDown’s main storyline, I have learnt a new word. ‘Nugatory’: of no value or importance. If I was to use that in a sentence it would read, “WWE’s persistence to demonise Jinder Mahal as an evil foreigner, even though most of us know he’s not from India but in fact Canada, has rendered Randy Orton’s part in this storyline rather nugatory”. In other words I am bored of Randy Orton being implicated as the saviour of American society when in fact we all know there is only one true American Hero – and his name is John Cena. Now that I have used an internet meme that is more out of use than your mother’s birth control pills please allow me to review last night’s SmackDown in full. Welcome to the most must-see Vulture Hound weekly review in history; welcome to… The SmackDown Review.
The first match of the night, but not the first segment (oh we’ll get to that), saw The Hype Bros take on The Usos in a non-title match. As promised by the human goat-man, Daniel Bryan, last week the deliciously Hyped Bros would be awarded a shot at the SmackDown Tag Team Championship if they could defeat the Usos. Surprisingly the match was over with fairly soon after The Usos underwhelming won from a big splash on the least hype of the Bros, Zack Ryder. Leaving no time for the Usos to celebrate, the New Day came out and challenged them to another match for the titles at Battleground. They also challenged them to a rap battle on next week’s SmackDown. Which in itself is ultimately “nugatory” as nothing will ever top ‘Bo-Rida’.
I only watch SmackDown for Breezango:
– For some reason Lana was handed a re-match for the SmackDown Women’s Championship which obviously she lost in a matter of minutes. There’s still no sign of Rusev either.
– Fashion Vice returned for another episode and it looks like it may not have been the Ascension who attacked Breezango after all. If Raw’s booking is anything to go by it’ll probably transpire that Breeze faked being attacked all along.
– Aiden English was in the ring to sing (rhymes, I know) but was interrupted by Randy Orton. As if this isn’t what happened to Elias Samson last week on Raw with Finn Bálor. Unsurprisingly outta nowhere Orton hit an RKO on English. Orton, despite having lost twice to Jinder Mahal, demanded another shot at the title. Shane McMahon agreed because he’s a cooperate yes man but insisted Mahal choose the stipulation. Mahal appeared and announced the match would be contested inside a…
Hell in a Cell. Steel Cage. Punjabi Prison match. For f**k sake.
– Speaking of yes men, Daniel Bryan announced there would be an Independence Day Battle Royal next week with the caveat that the winner is John Cena. Oh, and they will face Kevin Owens for the United States Championship at Battleground.
– A promo for Mike and Maria Kanellis was cut incredibly short by Sami Zayn as he made his way to take on Baron Corbin. An End of Days made short work of Zayn who will no doubt find himself jobbing out to Mike Kanellis next week.
Going back to the very start of the night (see, I said we’d get there), the show opened with Carmella arguing with Daniel Bryan about him stripping her of
her clothes the Money in the Bank briefcase. Bare in mind that Bryan came to the conclusion that James Ellsworth was to be banned from the arena for night’s Money in the Bank re-match. Clearly, this was done in order to prevent any interference in the match and to ensure the women weren’t once again overshadowed by a man stealing the limelight.
So it came to my surprise that, despite being banned from the Valley View Casino Center, James Ellsworth returned and once AGAIN tried to pull down the briefcase and hand it to Carmella. Instead Becky Lynch knocked over the ladder and attempted to climb in order to reach the briefcase. Yet, Carmella attacked her with a steel chair to then climb the ladder and officially pull down the briefcase herself to AGAIN become Ms. Money in the Bank.
Now, two things stood out for me and AGAIN overshadowed the incredible work that the female athletes had done in creating a fantastic match. The first was that Ellsworth technically interfered AGAIN and could result in this debacle going on further. The second was that if they wanted Carmella to win the briefcase for the second time “cleanly”, then why didn’t they just do that in the first place instead of having the whole charade that has completely undermined the entire SmackDown Women’s Division? It’s repetitive, nonsensical and evidently “nugatory”. Such is SmackDown. Such is wrestling. Such is life.