Impact Testing – May 20th, 2017

Common sense should tell us that just an Ultimate X match alone should make this week’s edition of Impact worthwhile, right? Let’s find out if this statement is true.

GFW Tag Team Championship Tournament: Round One
LAX (Santana & Ortiz) vs Laredo Kid & Garza Jr

Is this a single elimination tournament? A round robin tournament? If anyone knows can they tell me? I don’t remember Impact filling me in on this. What I do know is early on there’s a very audible; and pardon my language, “C’mon mother***er!” from Ortiz. Can you believe this is a taped show? Although, all four competitors put on their working boots with a fast-paced and entertaining match up. You had the babyface’s trying to overcome the numbers of LAX which resulted in a four on one beat down and a killer top rope huricanrana by Diamante to the outside on Garza Jr. This lead to a second rope Canadian Destroyer by Santana which Pope calls a Code Red followed by a Blockbuster/Powerbomb combo for the victory. Really good match and an even better opener, I’m left wanting more! Following the match Josh Matthews finally let me know that it is a single elimination tournament which a picture of the Impact logo and the poop emoji right behind him. Awesome, just awesome.

After Magnus arguing with Brother Love, we get a well-edited video hyping our next match between Kongo Kong and Braxton Sutter narrated by the greasy one, Laurel Van Ness.

Kongo Kong vs Braxton Sutter

The match starts and Josh Matthews plugs the Impact Shop which isn’t a big deal but it makes them look so bush league when they end it by plugging the AJ Styles DVD once again coming off like WWE Lite. Nonetheless, this matched stunk and I no longer want to see Kong in a prolonged match ever again. Kong wins and this prompts KM and Sienna to rush the ring and gang up on Sutter and Allie until Mahabali Shera saves the day. Post-match, Sutter would call KM fat and Sienna a dude and they make a match for next week.

We then watch a match from last week, which I still think is the dimmest contraption known to man but what follows is a great video hyping the Ultimate X match tonight mixing footage of old with talking clips of Lee, Everett, and Low Ki. Karen Jarrett is then backstage rambling on when Magnus walks across the screen. This catches her attention causing her to ramble in a different tone. I don’t care what she has to say and neither should you.

EC3 vs James Storm

With Magnus on commentary, and what is very noticeable are the lacking of marks on the back of Storm who came out with a leather strap to no reaction whatsoever from the crowd. Why? Obviously because it was taped before the beat down that aired last week which is smart on one way but the live crowd has no idea the story when they work the back of Storm. Storm goes for the leather strap but Magnus is having none of it, this causes the back to empty out as they escort Magnus to the back. The match would end when Magnus runs to the ring and attacks Storm and confronts EC3 causing Brother Love to come out hot as hell. He announces that next week Magnus, Storm and EC3 will face of with the winner becoming the number one contender and straight to the main event of Slammiversary. Post-match EC3 would unleash the wrath of the strap once again, this time his victim being TNA ref, Brian Stifler. His moms gonna be pissed.

“I didn’t mean to pull his pants down,” said Rockstar Spud; he returns from the severe beating by Swoggle next week!

GFW Woman’s Champion
Sienna vs ODB

What is there to say about this match? It was fine, given the time they were given and the story to be told. Sienna retains her GFW Woman’s Championship with The Silencer.

All of a sudden, the music of Jeremy Borash hits and he comes out with legal papers and welcomes his new attorney, Joseph Park. That beautiful face is back and he announces that Borash is still the lead announcer for Impact. Matthews then crouches on the announce table in his torn-out jeans; what is he, in a grunge band?! Joseph Parks then proposes a match for Slammiversary, JB and Joseph Parks vs Josh Matthews and a partner of his choosing. Matthews accepts, grabs his backpack and peace’s out.

Ultimate X Match
X-Division Championship
Low Ki vs Trevor Lee vs Andrew Everett

Now with JB at the announce table and Matthews in the back, we are assured a better announce job, and that’s what we got thankfully. We got some good work between the three and some hard falls, specifically when Low Ki was thrown outside and he fell on the steps. I can easily say that this was one of, if not the best X-Division match I’ve seen at least since I’ve been writing for Steel Chair. We even got a good story with Low Ki having a hard time climbing the structure since full on punching a chair earlier in the match which was brought into play by Trevor Lee’s mentor, Gregory Helms who gave Lee a man advantage. The match came to an end with Lee and Everett neck and neck climbing towards the suspended X-Division title, Low Ki resorts to walking the top of the structure deeming his hand to messed up to hold his weight. While stood on the wires, Low Ki would stomp Lee and Everett, sending them to the floor allowing Low Ki to drop down and grab the title, retaining his championship.

The matches, for the most part, were pretty good, that is if you didn’t watch Kongo Kong and Braxton Sutter. Aside from that, there wasn’t much else. Thank God for a good opener and main event because if not this would have blown.

2.5/5

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