Goldberg’s music hits to kick off the program, and the arena immediately chants his name. Goldberg walks from the backstage area, as he has done so many times before; fireworks, pyrotechnics and his smoke breathing spot. Goldberg stands in the ring and listens to the chants of his name. He thanks Green Bay for a great reception. He criticizes Owens coming out and talking in a suit on last week’s episode and states that Owens talked and talked until he couldn’t talk anymore and then kept talking. Goldberg says he won’t do the same and is in “one hell of a good mood”. He promises that at “Fastlane” it will be Spear, Jackhammer and a 1-2-3; he will be Universal Champion. Same old, same old with Goldberg promos, but in all fairness, the walk out is always nostalgic.
Kevin Owens music hits and out comes Owens, again, dressed in a suit and looking very unimpressed with Goldberg. Owens says he is in a good mood as well and is happy to see him. Owens let him know that he got a lot off his chest last week but Goldberg was missing and now he can tell him what he thinks. Owens reiterates that on his first night, he beat John Cena. He continues stating that he has beaten Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns. He says no matter how loud the sheep chant Goldberg’s name, that Goldberg is next and that he isn’t saying it nicely in the way Goldberg did, he is stating that he’s next in the evolution of Kevin Owens as Universal champion.
Goldberg claps sarcastically and says his speech is wonderful and moving, but it pissed him off. He says he wants to give Green Bay something to cheer for. Owens shoots back stating that he doesn’t speak “Neanderthal” but it sounds like a challenge. Owens walks to the ring as if he is stepping up to the challenge and then states that Green Bay doesn’t deserve to see him compete, but Goldberg shouldn’t worry because they will do battle this Sunday. He then claims that this Sunday at “Fastlane” the Goldberg chants will die, then drops the mic and walks away.
“OHHHHHHHHHHH GREEN BAY, DON’T YOU DARE BE SOUR! CLAP FOR YOUR LONGEST REIGNING CHAMPS AND FEEEEEEL THEEEE POWWWWWWER!
The New Day make their way down aisle. Xavier Woods talks about hosting Wrestlemania and says they have a lot on their plates. Big E chimes in stating they should be concerned about what is in their bowls. Kingston states that they are trying to work up “New Day Pops: A mouthful of magic; I gotta have it!”
The Shining Stars make their way to the ring for a match with New Day. In a cheesy spot, someone comes down and hands them an envelope playing off of last night’s Academy Awards. Xavier says they Stars will take on Big Show in a handicap match and that they will be facing Rusev and Jinder Mahal. Little things like this really kill the show for me. Does anyone actually enjoy or laugh at these spots? Ugh.
The New Day vs. Rusev & Jinder Mahal
Woods starts against Mahal. Action picks up as Woods hits a head scissor takeover. Woods sends Mahal to the corner and tags in Big E who hits a running shoulder thrust. New Day are in control of the match as we go to commercial.
As we come back, Rusev is applying a face lock on Woods. Rusev stops him from making a tag. Rusev hits a fall-away slam and pins for a two count. Mahal tags in. Rusev taunts the crowd as Woods tries to mount a comeback. Rusev picks up Woods, who escapes with an enzuigiri. Big E and Mahal both tag in. Big E dances and then connects with a big splash. Big E knocks Rusev off the apron and goes for a “big ending” but Mahal escapes and hits a superkick. Kofi and Lana argue ringside, distracting Mahal who is rolled up by Woods and pinned.
New Day def. Rusev & Jinder Mahal via pinfall
New Day celebrate the victory as they walk back up the ramp. Mahal is upset with Rusev for not making the save. I sure hope this isn’t a sign that they have relegated Rusev to a pointless feud with Mahal, who was seemingly signed and brought back to put incoming talent over. Rusev deserves better. With that, we head to commercial.
When we return, we see Enzo and Cass talking backstage. They talk about what they will do when they become champs at “Fastlane”. Cass states that Anderson & Gallows have won titles all over the world, and that he and Enzo have never won a title together but that will all change on Sunday. Cass in action against Gallows later tonight.
They cut segments and we see Sheamus and Cesaro talking about their loss last week. Samoa Joe walks up and Cesaro calls him a backstabber. Joe shoots back saying that he came in with the brass ring while Cesaro is still grasping. Cesaro claims that Joe did it by carrying Triple H’s jockstrap. Joe calls Cesaro “clever” and states that it got him far. This little segment made my night, as I am hoping for a program between the two. Thank you wrestling gods!
We then cut to Stephanie McMahon yelling at crew member as Mick Foley walks in. She calls Foley a legend and highlights his sacrifices (ear included) calling them “remarkable”. She then states that the Foley she wanted was not the Foley she hired on as General Manager and that 17 years ago to the day, her husband, Triple H retired Foley. She says every year Triple H gets stronger and Foley gets weaker. She states that he is a shell of his former self and that he has fallen far. She calls him pathetic before apologizing for putting him in the GM position. She says “The man who could stand up to anything (in the past) can now barely stand at all”. Stephanie walks away as Foley stares blankly.
We go to commercial.
As we return, Austin Aries joins the commentary team for the Cruiserweight Match. They show a taped promo of Brian Kendrick talking about Akira Tozawa, as Kendrick assaulted him last week. He states that he hopes Tozawa learned his lesson.
Akira Tozawa vs. Noam Dar (w/ Alica Fox)
They shake hands to begin the match, and Tozawa pushed Dar into the corner upon locking up, then proceeds to punch away. He knees Dar to the face and hits a standing senton for a two count. Tozawa is doing his best to win over a dead crowd. Dar briefly regains control on a reverse whip, but eats an elbow. Tozawa goes to the second rope, but Alicia Fox plays the distraction. Dar knocks him off the ropes and Tozawa lands right on his face. Dar applies an armbar. I should note that Tozawa looked rattled after that nasty faceplant. Tozawa battles back and hits the snap German suplex for the win.
Akira Tozawa def. Noam Dar via pinfall
Tozawa is attacked by Brian Kendrick as he celebrates. Kendrick grabs the mic and paces around. He says that is lesson number three and that Tozawa needs to have eyes in the back of his head. They will meet on the “Fastlane” kickoff show this Sunday. This is a match up that could be good enough for the main card.
We return to a sullen, visibly rattled and pissed off Mick Foley. Samoa Joe asks him is he’s not “having a nice day”. Foley says he hasn’t had 7 months to do his job like Joe has and that time changes men. He says that 13 years ago he was Joe’s biggest fan and now he is simply Triple H’s puppet. Joe says that he answers to no one, and that he’s nobody’s puppet. Foley states that as long as he’s GM he will tell him what to do and that he has a match with Cesaro tonight, ending with a “Have a nice day, Joe!”
Charlotte and Dana Brooke make their entrance. Charlotte talks about how she expected Bayley to do the right thing and vacate the women’s championship last week but instead showed the world she is selfish and greedy. Charlotte states that Bayley is playing everyone and should’ve won an academy award last night (cringing at the AA joke). She calls Bayley average and says Sasha Banks helped her cheat, stating that no matter how she won the title was good enough for Bayley. She calls Bayley a one hit wonder, much like the Baha Men and the cast of Twilight. She attempts to get heat by then ripping on Brett Favre and Buster Douglas.
Bayley interrupts. Charlotte calls her a cheater. Bayley shoots back saying the name she is looking for is the champion. Bayley says that “this one hit wonder has defeated Charlotte three times.” Bayley proceeds to once again, talk about her long road to WWE and living her dream. Charlotte says she is sick of hearing about her dreams and that she will buy Bayley’s father a ticket to sit front row and watch his daughter become a one hit wonder. Sasha Banks music hits, and out comes “The Boss”. She tells Charlotte she has daddy issues and that Bayley is a more deserving of the championship. We have a tag match set up but instead of Dana Brooke, Charlotte’s partner is Nia Jax
Charlotte & Nia Jax vs. Sasha Banks & Bayley
Nia starts off against Banks. Nia pulls down by the hair and then stomps her. Banks misses with a kick and goes for a bulldog, but Nia pitches her to the corner. She then bounces banks off the turnbuckle and throws her to Bayley, who tags in. She mounts some offense, but gets overpowered by Nia. Banks tags in but Nia takes them both down. Charlotte tags in and gets a two count on Bayley. Bayley battles back and tags in Banks. Banks applies a submission but Charlotte fights back. Bayley tags in and Dana Brooke grabs her ankle, as Bayley sidesteps Charlotte, who goes out of the ring. Bayley then gives Dana the “Bayley to Belly” on the floor. We go to commercial.
When we return Nia tags in and attempts a slam on Banks, who dropkicks her away. Nia then headbutts Banks. The two go back and forth. The crowd is not into this at all. Bayley tags in and clotheslines Charlotte three times and hits an elbow to the back of the head. Nia tags back in and Bayley locks her in a sleeper hold. Nia escapes but Bayley hangs in there. Bayley knocks Charlotte off the apron but Nia hits her with an avalanche. Banks goes for the cross body as Nia catches her on top of Bayley. She then drops a leg on Bayley and gets the fall.
Charlotte and Nia Jax def. Sasha Banks & Bayley via pinfall
We cut to Foley in his office talking to Braun Strowman, telling him he can’t give him any competition tonight. Strowman says he doesn’t want competition, he wants a contract for the match at “Fastlane” so Roman Reigns cant weasel out. Foley says he can’t for see Roman doing that, but if that’s what he wants, they can do it. Strowman says he wants Roman’s name on the line “or else”.
Luke Gallows (w/ Karl Anderson) vs Big Cass (w/ Enzo)
Anderson distracts Cass as Gallows hits a super kick. The two exchange blows. Gallows hits an avalanche in the corner and a clothesline. Cass battles back. He hits a big fall away slam and an avalanche, followed by a sidewalk slam and an empire elbow. Anderson distracts Cass and tries to go after Enzo but is sent into the steps instead. Cass hits a big boot for the win. Typical “big guy” match.
Big Cass def. Luke Gallows via pinfall
Titus O’Neil vs. Sheamus
Titus hits the big boot while Sheamus is making his entrance. He throws Sheamus to the barricade and then the LED apron. Titus sends him into the ring and Sheamus tells the ref to ring the bell. It ends almost immediately as Sheamus his the Brogue kick for the win. Talk about time filler.
Sheamus def. Titus O’Neil via pinfall
We see Corey Graves in the ring and he introduces a video package to “how we got here” and we see footage of Samoa Joe attacking Seth Rollins. Rollins comes out on crutches. The crowd is absolutely dead, yet Graves gives an “It sounds like they’ve missed you”anyways. Rollins talks about how the MCL injury was more severe than they thought but he’s hoping to be back soon, stating “it is what it is.” The crowd starts a CM Punk chant as Rollins talks about winning the world title two years ago at Wrestlemania. He said he didn’t sell out, he bought in but should have known better and that his ego got in the way and that he feels like this is his fault. Graves asks if he will be at Wrestlemania and Rollins responds that it’s not looking great.
Triple H’s music hits and he comes out laughing. The crowd is alive for what seems like the first time tonight. Triple H says he didn’t expect to see Rollins again but here he is. He points and says Rollins knows Samoa Joe who is shown at ringside. Triple H says Rollins will NOT be at Wrestlemania and that the crowd will only get Rollins in trouble. Triple H talks about how Rollins bit the hand that feeds him. Rollins says Triple H used him up and spit him out. Triple H says Rollins was the future and now he is merely the past and warns him not to come to Wrestlemania, swearing it’s the last thing he will ever do in a WWE ring.
Triple H and Joe go to leave but are stopped by Rollins yelling “HUNTER!” as Triple H faces him. Rollins states he will be at Wrestlemania and tells Triple H “if it’s the last thing I ever do, it will be the last thing you ever do”.
Handicap Match-Big Show vs. The Shining Stars
Comedic moment as Primo tries to give Show a Puerto Rico brochure. Typical 2 on 1 big squash match. Show hits Primo with a chokeslam for the win. My guess is this was thrown in to give Big Show something to do in case the match against Shaquille O’ Neal that nobody wants comes into play.
Big Show def. Shining Stars via pinfall
Nevill approaches Tony Nese backstage. He tells him they are going to put Jack Gallagher in his place before Fastlane on Sunday. Neville cuts a good promo. Nese isn’t paying attention and says he will do what’s best for himself. Neville warns him not to screw it up.
Jack Gallagher & TJ Perkins vs. Neville and Tony Nese
Neville attacks Gallagher from behind. Perkins attacks Neville with a wheelbarrow bulldog but accidentally knocks Gallagher off the apron. Neville mounts an offense and tags in Nese, who doesn’t seem happy with Neville as Gallagher and Perkins get the upper hand. Neville breaks up a pinfall attempt and Gallagher headbutts him out of the ring. They may as well be wrestling to an empty room as it’s quite I swear I could hear the popcorn popping up in the concessions. Gallagher locks Nese into an Octopus stretch as Nese taps out. Green Bay is clearly not the place to be if you are a pro-wrestler looking for a reaction.
Gallagher & Perkins def. Neville and Nese via Submission
They announce Beth Phoenix as the next inductee to the 2017 WWE Hall of Fame, and ourcongrats go out to the “Glamazon”.
We see Bayley and Sasha Banks recovering backstage. Sasha says she will be at ringside to watch Bayley’s back at “Fastlane”. Stephanie McMahon walks up and asks if she thinks Bayley can do it on her own and then books her to face Nia Jax at Fastlane. She says she should stop worrying about Bayley’s back and worry about her own. I am hoping this will set up something Wrestlemania worthy.
Cesaro vs. Samoa Joe
Joe immediately gets Cesaro in the corner and throws punches. Cesaro answers with a few knees and a gut wrench suplex. Cesaro then hits a beautiful running uppercut but Joe dumps him to the floor on his second try. The two trade offensive maneuvers back and forth. Joe goes for a suplex and Cesaro counters into a deadlift suplex and then throws uppercuts. Joe locks on a knee bar and Cesaro counters into a sharpshooter. Joe punches his way out, but Cesaro hits a diving headbutt. The two go back and forth again. Cesaro goes for the swing but Joe punches out. Joe hits the Urange for the win.
Samoa Joe def. Cesaro via pinfall
Charley Caruso interviews Joe on the ramp. She asks about his impact on RAW in such a short span of time. Joe says he is here to hurt people and this is what happens when you come up against a destroyer.
Sami Zayn’s music hits. Joe turns and waits for Zayn to appear and is attacked from behind as security intervenes. Zayn almost misses a summersault senton and security holds them both back as we go to commercial.
We return for the Braun Strowman/Roman Reigns contract signing, A blasé way to end the show in my opinion, but this is seemingly a show where Vince McMahon picks and chooses his favorite action figures. Foley is in the ring putting over the match when Strowman interrupts and makes his way to the ring. Strowman says the paperwork and table are here and Foley needs to leave “or else”. Foley tells him he may not have the GM position much longer, but as long as he does Strowman will show respect. Strowman says Stephanie is right about him and that he is giving him all of the respect a broken down suburban dad deserves. Foley tells Strowman he will respect him “or else”. Strownman smacks the microphone from hand.
Roman Reigns music hits and the two square off right away, as the two exchange blows back and forth. The crowd is still silent and not into the show whatsoever. Pretty sad to buy a ticket and be as terrible as these fans have been all night long. Reigns spears Strowman through a security guard and the barricade. Reigns gets in the ring to sign the contract but Strowman throws him into the turnbuckle sternum first. causing the turnbuckle to explode. Strowman poses for the crowd and leave the ring. Reigns catches his breath and signs the contract. The segment and show mercifully ends with the best moment of the night being the security guard that got destroyed in the fray.
Overall it was a promo heavy show with little meaningful action. Let’s hope for a better “Fastlane” pay per view this Sunday.