Impact Testing – February 16th, 2017

With a lackluster showing last week it wouldn’t take much to top those efforts, thankfully they do as we catch up with Brother Nero and Broken Matt as the ‘Expedition of Gold.’ Truth be told, I was critical of Impact last week and I stand by that; what it do accomplish though was a good build to this week waiting to see the Hardy’s in Mexico and the aftermath of Davey Richards turning on Eddie Edwards. But first let’s get to a mixed tag match, their always fun.

Crazzy Steve and Rosemary vs Moose and Brandi Rhodes

In what was an average match, to say the least, the one highlight came from Moose when he power bombed Crazzy Steve to the outside onto Abyss. Another upside to this match was the little involvement of Brandi Rhodes while receiving an A for effort; the whole “Minnie Moose” this just seems weird. Not gonna lie, I see a love triangle of sorts coming from here. Bummer.

***Also, please take Madison Rayne off commentary.

That brings us to Eddie Edwards looking to get revenge on Davey Richards for attacking him last week, not to mention what Angelina Love did to his wife. Speaking of Love, she comes out and lets him know that she will say when he gets her husband Davey Richards. They play up Edwards being a shitty friend when out comes Richards; the two bicker for a bit and then brawl till security pulls them apart. They then ruin a good build by announcing they will have an anything goes street fight tonight completely blowing their load.

The night before, Mike Bennet threw a bachelor party for poor old Braxton Stutter who is getting married next week, complete with a fallen football player (American Football) a Stiffler and a drug dealer. No wellness policy here.

Meanwhile, in Tijuana, Matt and Jeff make their way through the arena in the crowd making their way to the back, luckily they find and English speaking luchador who points them in the way of the promoter. More to follow…

I would comment on the bachelorette party for LVN but I took a vow to not give this Mean Girls story line the time of day.

Eddie Kingston vs Jesse Godderz

I remember when Jesse Godderz was in the Grand Championship tournament, a time where his skills could shine, being an amateur wrestler and all. They failed to capitalize on that and let’s face it, he’s average at best which was very visible in a very basic match seeing Godderz pick up the victory with a springboard clothesline. In case you were wondering, Josh Matthews was monotone throughout the whole finish.

Back at the bachelor party, the drug dealer starts pushing his product on Saxton who wants to go home. The dealer then gets crushed by a falling drunk.

Tyrus is a little upset about last week since Eli Drake left him high and dry against the DCC, his plan is to call out Drake to be a guest on his own show, Fact of Life, where he fakes an injury and lays some truth down on poor Tyrus pointing out how stupid it is to volunteer to be in a handicap match and winning a case and cashing it in for something other than a title shot. He takes things too far when he says he owns Tyrus who grabs Drake and announces they will fight next week.

“Impact Wrestling: In and out like a 15-year-olds first time.”

Ah, we finally return to Mexico where Konnan is told that the Hardy’s have arrived and they don’t want money, this is music to Konnan’s ears and comes up with the most brilliant idea of all, knock off Hardy merch! Before the match Broken Matt makes sure that Vanguard 1.0 has a foolproof backup plan, the two then make their entrances where they are treated like gods and it makes them look so much better than in the Impact Zone.

The Crash Tag Team Championship
The Broken Hardy’s vs Super Crazy and Psicosis

In case you didn’t know, last week Lucha Underground Informed Impact that they could no longer show this match in its original form since the referee, Marty Elias, is under contract and therefore could not be shown. They did the only thing they could do and that’s to blur out the ref. I wouldn’t imagine the match was anything to write home about so it’s probably best that we only see it in clip form, Jeff hits a Swanton Bomb and they win The Crash Tag Team Championship. Not to mention, Vanguard 1.0 called in some ladies of the night and is a champ in his own mind so with both parties satisfied they make their getaway with Konnan hot on their trails. Once back at the Hardy compound they put the titles in a nap sack and Broken Matt says that next week he will go back to his Egyptian roots and become “the king in gold.”

*** Next week the Hardy’s attempt to win the Mid-Atlantic Tag Team Championship. Gold is gold I suppose.

Following a Sienna and Brooke Tessmacher match, we are brought back to the wild and wacky bachelor party hosted by the Miracle who will attempt to perform a miracle when he transforms the hairy, raspy, toothless Roxy into a sexy stripper. A movie will do.

Lashley comes out looking like a 1920’s vagrant with his old man hat and a shirt riddled with holes to recap the last month in the life of Lashley. Lashley says that he can’t be beaten which causes none other than former UFC Heavyweight Champion and NJPW on AXS commentator, Josh Barnett to come out to confront Lashley after some spicy words Josh gets Bobby in an Armbar and challenges him for his Heavyweight Championship, Lashley accepts. Barnett didn’t come off that well on the mic but I am excited to see what this would be like.

Street Fight
Eddie Edwards vs Davey Richards

The match starts quick with a blindside attack by Richards, the two continue to brawl outside which is what Impact is known for, at least in my books. And no, that’s not a good thing. Things, in fact, are routine until Edwards hits a suicide dive on Richards sending himself into the crowd, in what looked like an uncomfortable fall. The match went as it should have, Davey, spends a good deal of the match controlling the action; he is soon joined by Angelina Love and Eddie’s wife won’t stand for it, too bad she would wind up getting handcuffed to the ropes. All hell breaks loose when Richards and Love attack Edwards with a chair, ending with a conchairtoe and a swift kick to the twig and giggle berries of Earl Hebner and we go off the air.

Overall a much better show than last week by a country mile with the Hardy’s in Mexico and the beginning of the Edwards and Richards storyline. I’m still waiting for some really good wrestling, here’s to hoping!

2.5/5

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