Impact waste no time and opens with “Race for the Case” and boy are there a load of people in the ring at one time. Let’s see if I can get them all; Jessie Godderz, Trevor Lee, Mahabali Shera, Crazy Steve, Broken Matt Hardy, Brother Nero, Eli Drake, Tyrus, Kingston, Bram, and Mike Bennett. It’s a glorified brawl so let’s just go to the results, shall we?
Eli Drake strikes first by grabbing the red briefcase, Trevor Lee grabs the blue case then dives to the floor taking out anybody in his way to the back; a little unorthodox but I like his moxie. The DCC follows up by obtaining the yellow briefcase. Well, Bram got it and tossed it the Kingston; hot potato rules I’m assuming. Last but not least, Jeff Hardy secures the green case and the match comes to an end. Now, what does this mean? Essentially, if you get cases two through four you receive a title shot of your choice but if you get the case number one then the possibilities are endless.
After a video highlighting the debuts of Galloway and Moose who will partake in tonight’s main event, we’re given a pretty good promo by Drew Galloway hyping the Grand Championship and how he wronged by management when they continued the tournament after his injury. He also brought up a good point when he reminded us that he beat Eddie Edwards, the current TNA Champion in said tournament. By the way, what the hell do we call this championship now? The Impact Wrestling World Champion? Now that I think of it, the belt says TNA so TNA it is.
The number one contender the “TNA Championship,” Bobby Lashley, strolls to the ring and calls out Eddie Edwards to meet him face to face. Edwards comes out and says he don’t have to answer to Lashley, yet he still answered the call out? He says that he knows what Bobby’s trying to accomplish and what’s to know what his plan is to win back that title. I don’t know what Eddie’s been told, but most fighters wouldn’t even be stupid enough to ask. Bobby has an idea, he challenges Eddie to a thirty-minute iron man match to which Eddie agrees. The two brawl until Davey Richards comes out with a chair in hand for the save.
Before we continue we need to make sure we are all on the same page, three-quarters of the Knockouts segments are just bitchy woman acting like they’re in high school and if there’s anything left out let’s just assume it’s not worth even mentioning. Moving on to Brooke, who makes her in-ring return against Deonna Purrazzo in a decent match; Brooke can do enough to keep you from pouncing and Purrazzo is all around a pretty good wrestler. Either way, Brooke picks up the win but this doesn’t stop Sienna from heading to the ring and “pouncing” on poor Brooke. TNA joke!
Maria tells Braxton Sutter to break up with Allie then whispers something in his ear. Moving on.
“This is the fact of life, with your host; the voice of his generation, good to his mother, stand up republican, not a dummy, extremely attractive, every time he walks into a weight room he breaks a record. You know him, you love him; he’s cooler than the other side of the pillow, the great Eli Drake!” – Tyrus
This is no ordinary Fact of Life; this is the Race for the Case reveal edition where each case holder reveals the number inside his respective case starting with Eli Drake who drew number four, the worst of them all. Everyone laughs. After some careful handling by Tyrus, we move on to the DCC who receive number two and leave. Up next Trevor Lee is to open his case but before he needs to shake their hands and complements Drakes table. Lee gets case three leaving Jeff Hardy as the lucky contestant who drew number one. This was a Fact of Life.
Backstage Braxton Sutter breaks up with Allie and we are graced by the prescience of Rockstar Spud who I’m just noticing has lost his adult braces. Good for you sir! Outcomes Aron Rex, if only we didn’t have to stare at those flesh colored tights…
Aron Rex and Rockstar Spud vs Robbie E and Swoggle
Not a lot to talk about here, Rex is disgusted by little people, Swoggle bites but not hard enough, he falls to a punch in the face by Spud, equipped with rings and Rex picks up the victory. It is nice to see Swoggle find work outside of the WWE, and I’m always up for a good comedy match so it’s a win in my books.
Impact Grand Championship
Drew Galloway vs Moose
Round One: Nothing out of the ordinary happened, both men have decent chemistry and its refreshing to see Galloway as the quick, agile competitor and not the powerhouse. As for round one, it comes off as too close to call but Galloway edges moose 29-28 and takes a 1-0 lead.
Round Two: The two go outside instantly where Galloway hits an attitude adjustment on the apron, not to be outdone Moose hits a powerbomb on the apron, yeah no need to sell Moose, don’t worry about it. In the later moments of the round Galloway applies the Iron Maiden until the bell rings to end round two and in some crazy act of stupidity Moose wins the round and frankly, if you’re this incredibly stupid to book that round the way it was then I won’t insult my intelligence or yours by mentioning the score.
Round Three: Galloway hits the Claymore and pins Moose for the win, giving us a new Grande Champion following a low blow which leads the ref to instruct the judges to deduct points from Galloway.
Overall I was entertained throughout this show but I can’t help but feel insulted by the main event if anything this will add to the promo material of Galloway but that’s not enough. Fixed judges in a fixed sport are ridicules. The Fact of Life segment was by far the stand out in this week’s Impact, still waiting for good wrestling though.