[vsrp vsrp_id=”” class=””]The post-Christmas blues are starting to set in, and we’ve got another Raw to get through. Let’s see what they can pull out of the bag this time as the last episode of 2016.
Hi, I’m James Toal, you may remember me from such articles on this site such as This Week on NXT and What’s the Deal with the Cruiserweights? I’ll be filling in for Elliot Dyson today as he’s totally not tied up in the back with a hype bros t-shirt over his head. As a good friend am willing to cover for him, I’m just that good a person, you’re welcome. Now with introductions out of the way lets talk about what happened on Raw.
ALL THE SHIT THAT HAPPENED:
– Stephanie was bombarded with CM Punk chants emanating from the Chicago crowd, she retorted by saying “If you could keep that up for two minutes and 15 seconds, you’d last about one second longer than Punk did. Ice cold.
– Seth wanted a match with Braun Strauman and got his wish. Roman wanted a piece too but since “you been wanting to defend the united states title so badly” he was set up to defend it that night. If that’s what he’s been wanting to do this whole time then he’s got bloody good poker face.
– Cesaro & Sheamus defended their tag team titles against the new day who put up a strong fight. However, Sheamus got the win.
– The list of Strauman, Squash ’em down maaaaaaaan.
– Goldust gets given a Dusty Rhodes teddy bear by Bayley, which is then destroyed by Gallows & Anderson. Because making them seem like bullies from a 90’s kids film is going to really make us take them seriously as a team.
– Nia Jax squashes a jobber wearing a Sasha Banks t-shirt
– Charlotte gets a rematch with Bayley after having the victory last week removed thanks to her offscreen lawyers, She gets Dana Brooke as a special guest referee and steals the win away from Bayley.
– Braun angry! Braun get last man standing match with Tiny Zayn next week. Braun Happy.
– Neville beats TJ Perkins with a sneaky pin and goes on to insult Americans for being ignorant.
– Braun still mad. Braun interrupts tag match of Darren Young & Bo Dallas vs Shining Stars. Crowd thanked Braun.
– Rollins didn’t stand a chance against Braun, Sami Zayn attacks Braun who gives chase into the audience. Chris Jericho then came down to deliver a code breaker to Rollins.
– Goldust and R-truth failed in their attempt at redemption against Gallows & Anderson who picked up the win.
– Cruiserweights Rich Swan and Ariya Divari fight it out in what’s almost a squash match as Swan earned a victory. Swan accepted the challenge laid down by Neville, who then ambushed Swan leaving him down for the count.
– Our favourite boy Jack Gallagher challenges Divari to a duel and slaps him with a glove. Can he do no wrong?
– The night ends with Kevin Owens taking on Roman Reigns for the United States title. Owens nearly got the win with the help of Jericho, But Seth managed to healthy enough to help his buddy Roman to retain the title.
Well that was certainly not the best episode of raw, the match of the night for myself was the tag team title match due to how fast paced and energised it was. The low point would be with thinking that Roman actually cares about the US Title, he treats it like a backpack for goodness sake. Anyways, let’s look forward to 2017 and leave this garbage fire of a year behind us.