Welcome to the most must-see Vulture Hound weekly review in history; welcome to… The SmackDown Review

Survivor Series is fast becoming a distant memory as Tuesday’s episode of ‘SmackDown Live!’ looked to create a new batch of No. 1 contenders for the SmackDown Tag Team Championship and also allow me to demonstrate that, whatever show I’m given to review, I’ll always be better than Elliot Dyson.

With SmackDown supposedly being all about the exciting talent and not the people in charge the show indifferently opened with the Commissioner, Shane McMahon, coming down to the ring. After being battered to within an inch of his life at Survivor Series, Shane O’Mac said he felt like a car wreck, he congratulated Team Raw and thanked his own team, especially Randy Orton and Bray Wyatt, for picking up the win. That pesky Dean Ambrose came out to the ring much to Shane’s frustration. The Mac Daddy (Jr) blasted Ambrose for reuniting with his old Shield pals and taking out his SmackDown team mate, AJ Styles. Avoiding his clear discretion Deano changed the subject by bringing out Capchin Charisma himself, James Ellsworth. Lil’ Jimmy, who was in a neck brace after being launched through a table by Braun Strowman on Sunday, was offered an official SmackDown Live contract for all of his efforts in helping the Blue Brand. Shane, obviously still angry, instructed Ambrose to take the night off and ordered him to leave the building. As the proprietor of the Asylum left up the ramp AJ Styles made his way to the ring. The Phenomenal One believed Ellsworth hadn’t earn squat and challenged the small timer to a ladder match for his contract. Obviously, Ellsworth didn’t have to accept as it’s management that make the matches and could have happily kept his contract, but for entertainment sake, he accepted with the condition that he also gets a future shot at the WWE World Championship. Then, as is custom, Shane made it official.

How is this still the main talking point of SmackDown? // wwe.com
How is this still the main talking point of SmackDown? // wwe.com

In the slowest burning feud since me and your Dad for the entitlement of your Mum, Miz once again clashed words with Daniel Bryan over his reliability. The General Manager “rewarded” the Intercontinental Champion for his efforts in keeping the title at SmackDown by putting him in another title defence, this time against Kalisto. The Miz won the match due to another Jeremy Baron Corbin interference on Kalisto. The brave little Mexican fought off the scary giant Lone Wolf but this allowed Miz to hit the Skull Crushing Finale and get the pin. Following the match, Corbin hit Kalisto with a delightfully executed End of Days while the Hollywood A List couple applauded like the blood thirsty Freemasons they are. For some reason, Dolph Ziggler, appeared behind Miz and Superkicked him.

A Gauntlet-like match then happened called “Tag Team Turmoil” which I found slightly misleading. Expecting to see the tag teams in some genuine form of confusion with one another I was instead greeted by the teams very coherently defeating each other one by one in an elimination style Royal Rumble format whereby The Ascension, The Hype Bros, Breezango, The Vaudevillains, and The Usos were all sent packing before American Alpha won the match. What turned out to be a gauntlet match to crown the new No. 1 contenders for the SmackDown Tag Team Championship, The Ascension and The Hype Bros started out first in the ring, with the Hype Bros eliminating the Ascension. Then Breezango (still doing the fashion police gimmick) came in and eliminated Hype Bros with a combined slingshot elbow drop and lungblower that was delivered beautifully. American Alpha charged in next and countered both Breeze and Fandango’s finishers into a roll-up for Chad Gable. The stereotypical American wrestlers then hit a combination dropkick/German suplex to remove The Vaudevillains in mere seconds ensuring the men from a bygone era have been buried faster than my last victims body…
The heel outfit of the Usos were the final team to the ring before American Alpha eventually managed to win the gauntlet with Grand Amplitude. Yet, the Wyatt Family appeared on the screen after the match and conveyed a sinister message to team Alpha. Bray Wyatt uttered that they haven’t faced all the tag teams yet, and Randy Orton said more than a team, they’re a family. It looks as if Bray and Orton are set to take the SmackDown tag division by storm and I for one cannot wait to see them crowned champions after an epic match at TLC.

Gable flying high // wwe.com
Gable flying high // wwe.com

In the Women’s Division, Becky Lynch defeated Natalya with the Dis-arm-her. Alexa Bliss was sat in on commentary for the match and petulantly reminded us all that she still hates Becky by attacking the SmackDown Women’s Champ after the match. Hopefully this feud ends at TLC with Alexa being crowned the new Champion. Is it not clear that I find Babyfaces boring?

Baron Corbin defeated Kane in order to prove that he can beat up the big guys as well as the little ones. In response to Corbin’s earlier attack, Kalisto came out and launched himself at Corbin mid-match, causing the referee to ring the bell for the disqualification. After the DQ Kane chokeslammed Corbin and Kalisto tried to use a chair on him before Corbin evaded it. Kalisto threw the chair to Corbin and hit him with that Spinning Heel Kick that RVD used to do, so you know, gimmick infringement? Kalisto did his best to make us think he’s aggressive and stood in the ring with the chair and dared the balding Lone Wolf to fight.

The main event of the night pitted the unlikely James Ellsworth against WWE World Champion, AJ Styles. Without much surprise Ambrose showed up to help Ellsworth but Styles smashed him with a Phenomenal Forearm. As AJ was climbing the lader, Ellsworth knocked it over and hit him with a No Chin Music, which leading to Styles being trapped in the rope and Ellsworth claiming his long overdue contract.

AJ Styles getting "chinned" // wwe.com
AJ Styles getting “chinned” // wwe.com

A disappointing end to SmackDown that I’ll be sure to forget this week.