Did you watch this week’s Impact, if not then you lucked out! Let’s run through this, shall we?

The DCC at it Again!

Impact opens with a video recapping the reveal of Eddie Kingston, Bram, and James Storm to be the members of DCC, and the first person to waltz down to the ring is Eddie Edwards, the brunt of their attack last week. He says that he will not leave the ring until someone comes out to fight him, the screen cuts and we see the masked members of DCC who accept the challenge; a country rock song starts playing. Who lets Storm pick the music? The first to attack Edwards is Eddie Kingston; the rest follow quickly until Jeff Hardy makes the save. I’m guessing we’re going to jump right into a Hardys and DCC feud? If so the DCC would have to go over since an immediate loss to the Hardys would stop them dead in their tracks.

Aron Rex vs. Jesse Godderz

This was not a “traditional” Grand Championship match, therefore not for the title. The newly turned Aron Rex comes out as Josh Matthews desperately tries to cement the fact by pointing out that he thinks Rex has some of those “f*** you WWE money rings” under his finger tape. As noted last week, Rex is much better off as a heel although only able to muster a “brush your hair” chant from the crowd. He ties Jesse up in the ropes and the apron, whatever he can find, it’s here I notice the watermelon sized bruise on the leg of Godderz. Tender.

I’m not much of a fan of Godderz in singles competition traditionally, although I do quite enjoy him in the Grand Championship style match. I feel he should be the champ where I’d say the opposite for Rex. Nonetheless, Jesse Godderz picks up the submission victory over the champ with the Adonis Lock.

Meanwhile, backstage…

Maria and the gang of mean girls are backstage when Maria reads the riot act to Allie to make sure she will not team up with Brandi Rhodes

The weekly showing of an entire segment from the week before is next as those who watch live have to sit through again. Thankfully I’m not one of them, essentially Kim hints at vacating the title, and the Decay go on the attack. We see all this, and it’s now in a pretape backstage segment that Kim vacates the Knockouts title? Blink and you’ll miss it.

If Lindsey Lohan We’re To Wrestle
Maria, LVN, and Sienna vs. Brandi Rhodes and ???

Maria gets the mic and sends Allie to the back as if that would physically stop her from being Brandi’s partner. Allie isn’t the partner; that woman is Madison Rayne. Crickets, I might as well watch a Divas match from 5 years ago, no thanks. Brandi pins Sienna for the win.

Matt’s Broken Brain

Thousands of kilometers away at the Hardy compound Matt, still suffering from amnesia argues with Reby over whether or not Matt gave out green beans instead of candy for Halloween; Matt finds this absurd. Reby then brings up how his brother has to fight alone tonight and if you ask Matt he got what he deserved for missing the ice cream social this evening, he slaved for days making those custards! Matt then sees the familiar man with a clipboard; Reby snaps him out of it saying she has some videotape that might jog his memory.

#1 Contenders Match
Mike Bennett vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Trevor Lee vs. Ethan Carter III

The match starts with all three heels against EC3, but that only lasts a minute when they turn on each other the moment EC3 wasn’t in plain site. From there Lee works with Bennett and we find out the EC3 may have the worst chops in the business among a rotation of members entering and exiting the ring. EC3 would pick up the victory by hitting the TK3 and putting Lee in a rear naked choke for the win and even with taking the pin, Trevor Lee was by far the stand out in this match by a country mile.

Back on the Ranch

Reby is showing Matt the Final Deletion; he is disgusted with himself for the deplorable acts against his own flesh and blood. Is that a premonition? No, it’s just a sneeze.

Fact of Life

Eli Drake calls out the ultra sweaty EC3 to demand that he put up his newly acquired #1 contendership next week, EC# pinches his dick and says no. If you don’t believe me rewatch it. To this Eli, Drake says that if he loses he won’t challenge for the World Championship for a year and that’s not even enough to persuade the nephew of Aunt Dixie. What is enough? His voice, if Drake loses he can’t talk so expect lots of button mashing.

Meanwhile Backstage…

Crazzy Steve and Abyss find Jade and assure her that they aren’t here to hurt her, that’s Rosemary’s job. They send her to find Rosemary in the rafters I’m assuming. I’m as lost as you. Back from the break we see Jade climbing steps whispering Rosemary’s name.

This is Where I Tune Out

It’s time for Basile Barrack vs. Mahabali Shera. Sorry, I’m not watching this.

Up Top

Jade has found Rosemary who cuts a Bray Wyatt promo on acid; I don’t have a clue what she said or what she meant by it other than the fact that the next time the face off it will be for the Knockouts Championship and will be from inside a steel cage. Should be fun!

The Main Event
DCC vs. Jeff Hardy and Eddie Edwards

I didn’t expect much from this match, and immediately I see Bram take a Twist of Fate like a stunner, what a chud. Other than that I noticed that Eddie Kingston is wearing bell bottoms; has he always worn bell bottoms? Sorry, I’m getting off track. We get a few chair spots from each side and Bram DDT’s Edwards through a table while in the ring Jeff and Storm duke it out, the match ends with a Superkick from Storm onto Hardy to pick up the victory for the DCC.

Meh, this episode is easily passable, but if you miss it, you won’t be kicking yourself at all.

Pros: Trevor Lee, Matt trying to remember.

Cons: Neither match being a standout, Basile Barrack vs. Mahabali Shera, Maria’s band of mean girls.

2.5/5