Bound for Glory has come and gone, how did Impact follow up on what was an average night out of the year?
Well, the show starts with every single title holder, aside from Brother Nero come to the ring one by one to interrupt the previous individual. Once Lashley, Rex, Kim, Broken Matt, and DJZ are in the ring, Lashley gets fed up and leaves, causing Billy Corgan to come out looking like a pimp and says all champions will defend their title tonight starting with the X-Division in a new concept, “Team X Gold.”
Team X Gold is a 6-man tag team match with a catch; the rules are strictly enforced, meaning that if someone is tagged in the partner has to leave immediately or be disqualified, remember that. The teams are Mandrews, Sutter, and DJZ vs. Lee, Everett, and Marshe Rocket, that’s all you need to know. Let’s fast forward to the finish, remember how the rules? Well, Braxton Sutter tags in Mandrews (the babyface’s) then powerbomb’s his opponent while Mandrews hits a shooting star press for the win. THE GIMMICK TO THIS MATCH IS THAT THE RULES ARE STRICTLY ENFORCED! They basically ruined this premise with the very first match, thanks for coming out.
Not all is bad, up next was ‘Fact of Life’ with Eli Drake whose guest this week was “The Choke Artist” Ethan Carter III. I finally get Drake, the guy can talk better than perhaps anyone in TNA, he has a good look, and plays a good heel; although, the ‘Dummy, Yeah!’ Button goes way over my head. Drake keeps hitting his button, agitating EC3 who cracks and says, “if you press that button one more time I’ll rip your limbs off and beat you to death with them, set your corpse on fire and piss on the ashes.” Great stuff. The two go nose to nose, and Eli Drake says that he wasn’t supposed to be here and calls Galloway a “Mush Mouth,” which I thought was a no-no to say but I guess not. It ends with a lesson; EC3 isn’t in Drakes league, and that’s a fact of life. His words not mine.
Gail Kim defends her Knockouts Championship against Sienna who vows to bring it home to Maria; it’s a step up from Kim’s Bound for Glory match that’s for sure. Gail Kim wins with a roll up on Sienna countering a pounce; post-match its a two on one beatdown on Kim while Maria states that her rematch will be No DQ so essentially many, many run-ins.
I love the “Broken” Matt Hardy storyline, so don’t miss understand what I’m about to say, but what was the main event of Impact last week? A Lethal Lockdown match, you’re right! What is the “Wolf Creek Cage Match?” A Lethal Lockdown match with some extra weapons. There has not been one original idea so far in this episode of Impact. Theirs a chainsaw hanging from the cage, it has no chain and no gas, so its rendered useless and the crowd gets upset, although Crazy Steve does grab Matt by the mouth with a grappling hook, that was something I haven’t seen before. Brother Nero in particular, who was missing from the opeing segment is not his Broken self, no face paint, no contact’s; he’s just regular old Jeff Hardy. Matt ends up escaping the ring after a tumble off the cage and onto the floor. Reby Sky also debuted a staff with a rabbit’s head perched on top. The match wasn’t much of anything but still entertaining.
Cody and Brandi Rhodes come out to the ring and brings up the term “game changer” and that maybe the game is just changing around them, Cody the credits ‘The Great War and Gail Kim being the first woman inducted into the TNA Hall of Fame as proof. He then mentions that his guiding light, “the list” has brought him to TNA but why not just go for the World Championship? States it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. He then intercepted by Bennett and Maria; Mike says that if he can’t demand title shots neither can Cody. You have to earn one. Cody then says lets fight and the two start to brawl; Cody has him in for the Cross Rhodes but Miracle escapes and rolls out of the ring. I’m excited to see where this goes even though it’s more than likely short lived.
Before our main event, we get the Grand Championship in the dead spot of the show, where Rex defended his title against Baron Dax of all people with the Royal Arch, making him submit in the second round. Rex damn near breaks Barons back losing grip and driving his knee into the back of Dax. Match sucked, plain and simple.
In the main event, Bobby Lashley had a choice of three competitors for his match tonight; Moose, Eddie Edwards, and EC3. Lashley picks Eddie Edwards saying “Eeni meeni, lemon, squeezy, pick the match that’s going to be easy.” The match tells a great story, Lashley dominates the majority of the match but everytime Eddie picks up the pace Lashley slows him down but just when Lashley lets his guard down his whole world falls apart. Lashley is stalking Edwards, looking for a spear when Eddie Edwards hits the Boston Knee Party and gets the win, Eddie Edwards is the new TNA World Heavyweight Champion! Where the hell did this come from?! I mean, Edwards is a great wrestler and all but where does this play in any storyline? Why didn’t EC3 win at the biggest night of the year in the all-out war that he had with Lashley at Bound for Glory? Do they think this is going to cause a spike in ratings? Could someone hurry up and buy this blivet?