The Linus Report: Lucha Underground, 15/07/2015

Hey, it’s Lucha Underground! It’s that show that knows you* don’t like to see Sexy Star beat men and still makes it happen! (*That’s YOU, not me. I don’t mind AT ALL).

The show started in Dario Cueto’s office. He talked about his Aztec medallions, and said three of them would be given away on tonight’s show. Pentagón Jr was sitting across from him, and Cueto asked if he wanted to win one. Pentagón Jr said the medallions meant nothing to him, he only wanted to face Vampiro. Cueto asked when he would meet Pentagón Jr’s master and Pentagón Jr said he would reveal himself when he was ready…

The announcers welcomed us to the show and Vampiro hyped up the Temple and thanked this week’s band, Mexican Dubwiser. Matt Striker said that Prince Puma and Mil Muertes would come face to face later, and then threw to Melissa Santos in the ring.

Hey, it’s Melissa! She introduced the first match – for one of Dario Cueto’s Aztec medallions – and the first luchador – Bengala! Bengala was already in the ring and it struck me that maybe he stopped being Ricky Marvin when Ricky Martin came out? Anyway, in the most random match EVER, Bengala was facing Delavar Daivari, who came out with Big Ryck. Not came OUT, not like Ricky Martin. Oh, you know what I mean…

So these two had a match and it was a match. Bengala got the win with a German Suplex which Big Ryck couldn’t break up because he was moving through treacle. Bengala got one of the sacred Aztec medallions, which apparently ALL confer immortality now – or at least a chance of it – despite the one Jack Evans won being for good fortune all those weeks ago. *shrug*

Vampiro left the announcers’ desk and climbed into the ring. He said he’d been around a long time but that Pentagón Jr had pushed him too far with his attack last week. He said Pentagón Jr reminded him of himself when he was young and that brought out the man himself…

Pentagón Jr came to the ring and mocked Vampiro, calling him by his real name. He said he wanted an answer. Vampiro told Pentagón Jr to stop and said that Ian Hodgkinson was not going to face Pentagón Jr at Ultima Lucha. Because, he said, the one who would kick Pentagón Jr’s ass would be VAMPIRO! Pentagón Jr tried to attack Vampiro but Vampiro blocked him, chokeslammed him, and left him lying in the ring. Good stuff, that.

Backstage, in the locker room, Sexy Star was preparing for her match later in the show when she found Super Fly’s mask in her bag. She won that mask a few months ago and it set Super Fly off on a revenge charge. She remembered it all through the magic of flashback…

Hey, it’s Melissa! She introduced King Cuerno, who was already in the ring, and Killshot, who got to make an entrance. If ever something was all backwards, eh? These two will FIGHT for another of Dario Cueto’s Aztec medallions.

So they had a match and it was an okay match but who really cares about Killshot? And this in a promotion that could make you care about seeing VAMPIRO wrestle in 2015! Anyway, because I don’t care about Killshot, he got far too much of the match, but King Cuerno won with a whacky lucha submission to earn the fifth Aztec medallion.

After a break, Melissa Santos introduced the luchadors for the next match. Jeez, they’re not hanging around this week! First out was Super Fly and he was joined by Sexy Star. Oh yeah, lucha revancha!

So they fought and Sexy Star got dropkicked but came back with a facebuster and a Fujiwara armbar for the submission victory in THIRTY SECONDS. The referee gave her the Aztec medallion but then Marty “The Moth” Martinez interrupted.

He wanted to look at the medallion and it was as he thought – it had a moth on it. He claimed it was from his tribe (because he claims to be descended from Aztecs) and demanded a match for it right then. Sexy Star agreed, and they fought for the medallion.

Martinez lasted a little longer than Super Fly – almost another two minutes – and got most of the short match, but the result was the same: Sexy Star locked on the armbar for the win, to keep her medallion. She squashed a fly and a moth.

The announcers ran down the card for Ultima Lucha, the two-hour season finale happening on August 5th. It looks pretty sweet and it isn’t even finished yet.

Hey, it’s Dario Cueto! He was in the ring to introduce Mil Muertes and Prince Puma for a face-off! The champion came out first, and then he was joined by Muertes. Konnan and Catrina were not with them because Cueto explained it was all about these two men. They stood face to face and then Catrina appeared on the Temple steps…

Cueto shouted at her, telling her she couldn’t be here, but she walked down the steps to the ring. Meanwhile, The Disciples of Death wheeled in the battered coffin that Fénix buried Mil Muertes in and Puma sensed a trap and started brawling with Muertes. The Disciples joined in and Puma went down.

Konnan appeared and took out the Disciples with his steel cane but Muertes grabbed the cane and beat Konnan down. Catrina smacked Konnan with the rock and then the Disciples rolled Konnan into the coffin as Mil Muertes held Puma and made him watch. Konnan was wheeled away and that’s your show.

This was a Great Show. A really enjoyable, fun watch, with plenty of storyline progression and some neat in-ring. I’m starting to miss this show already and it’s not even gone yet.

(Lucha Underground airs in the US on the El Rey Network on Wednesdays at 9pm ET, and en Español on Unimas on Saturdays at 4pm ET. It does not currently air in the UK but you can probably find it somewhere out there in the ether…)

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