The Linus Report: Lucha Underground, 08/07/2015

Hey, it’s Lucha Underground! It’s that show that better get renewed for a second season or WE RIOT!

The show started with Pentagón Jr, in his dojo, speaking to his mysterious master. He said he had been unable to get Vampiro to face him at Ultima Lucha and be his biggest sacrifice but that “Ian Hodgkinson” (it’s a SHOOT, brother!) would fall before him. We got a glimpse of his master, in shadow. I’m calling it as Konnan.

The announcers welcomed us to the show and Matt Striker thanked this week’s musical guests, Mexican Dubwiser. Vampiro hyped the first ever parejas atómicos on Lucha Underground, and Striker said that we’d see a sit-down interview between Vampiro and… Pentagón jr!

Hey, it’s Melissa Santos! She introduced The Mack, who was already in the ring, and then his opponent, (The Man They Call) Cage! These two have a beef going back to a few weeks ago when Cage knocked The Mack out to take his place in a Trios title match, and they fought last week in the four-way.

So they had a really good match, which was as much two big men hitting each other as it was two big men flying around the ring. The Mack got the surprise win with a schoolboy after a Superman Punch, and Cage seethed.

Backstage, in the locker room, Son of Havoc was tapped on the shoulder by Catrina but when he turned round she wasn’t there. He closed his locker and Catrina was behind the door. She told him that the Disciples of Death were coming for the Trios titles but that tonight a thousand deaths were coming for him. Ivelisse walked in and told Catrina to back off. Ivelisse went to hit her, the lights flickered and Catrina disappeared. Ivelisse ended up on top of Son of havoc and Angélico walked in and said he hoped they weren’t getting back together.

Then it was time for Vampiro’s interview with Pentagón Jr. Vampiro opened by apologising for interfering in Pentagón Jr’s business and then asked who his mysterious master was but Pentagón Jr didn’t answer. Vampiro then acknowledged Pentagón Jr’s violence and aggression, which he said he appreciated and understood. Pentagón Jr responded by challenging, but Vampiro said his time had come and gone. Pentagón Jr got in Vampiro’s face and then walked off. This wasn’t as good as recent Vampiro interviews because it required a bit of acting but it was fun.

Hey, it’s Melissa! She introduced Mil Muertes, who was already in the ring, and then his opponent, Son of Havoc, who came to the ring with Ivelisse and Angélico. Catrina was already at ringside with Muertes.

So these two had a great match. The announcers pushed that Son of Havoc was perhaps the nearest to Prince Puma’s size and style, and thus the perfect warm-up for Ultima Lucha. Muertes brutalised Havoc by throwing him into chairs outside the ring, and powerbombing him on the announcers’ table.

Catrina tried to seduce Angélico on the outside with her succubus ways but Ivelisse squared up to her. Suddenly, the Disciples of Death appeared out of nowhere and attacked Angélico, and Catrina clocked Ivelisse with the mysterious rock. Back in the ring, Son of Havoc saw what was going on and hit a SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP! out onto the Disciples of Death.

Havoc got back into the ring, buoyed by his dive but Mil Muertes hit a spear and the flatliner for the win. After the match, Catrina delivered the lick of death to Son of Havoc. Poor Son of Havoc. Lucky Son of Havoc.

After a break, Texano (Jr) was in the ring, and he cut a talky – in heavily-accented English – about being a bad man who has done bad things but has always loved his country. He said he hated Chavo Guerrero Jr and challenged him to a match at Ultima Lucha. The Crew came out and attacked Texano and were driven off by Blue Demon Jr. Mr Cisco slid a chair into the ring and Blue Demon Jr picked it up. The announcers wondered what was going on and Blue Demon Jr whacked Texano with the chair. Texano bled and Blue Demon Jr told him is wasn’t Mexico because Blue Demon Jr was Mexico…

Hey, it’s our main event! It’s a parejas atómicos match, with Alberto el Patrón’s team against Johnny Mundo’s team. Alberto chose Sexy Star, Aero Star, and Drago, and Mundo picked Hernandez, Super Fly, and Jack Evans. Eight-man tag! Yass!

So these guys did a TON of stuff, and regular viewers will be pleased to know that Sexy Star’s role was kept to a minimum. The others flipped, flopped, flew, and fought, with some big dives by Aero Star and Sexy Star. Mundo ran away from Alberto, but returned to break up Alberto’s armbreaker on Jack Evans. He then rolled up Sexy Star, and grabbed a handful of her panties, for the win. A spotfest but a good, fun match.

After the match, Pentagón Jr attacked Vampiro from behind, kicking him in the head and hitting him with a chair. he poured petrol all over him and then stood over him with a Zippo, telling him he that he had a week to agree to face him at Ultima Lucha or the whole world would see him go up in flames…

This was a Very Good Show. Although the continued absence of Dario Cueto is displeasing, the storylines roll right along towards their inevitable pile-up at Ultima Lucha in five weeks’ time. I’m already starting to get the fear of missing the show for its summer break and that’s sad times, brother.

(Lucha Underground airs in the US on the El Rey Network on Wednesdays at 9pm ET, and en Español on Unimas on Saturdays at 4pm ET. It does not currently air in the UK but you can probably find it somewhere out there in the ether…)

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