The Linus Report: AAA Sin Límite, 13/06/2015

Hey, it’s AAA Sin Límite! It’s late because it didn’t appear in the usual place! ¡Lo siento!

The show started with the usual “Previously on…” bit, featuring La Secta versus Los Güeros del Cielo, Holocausto versus Los Psycho Circus versus Los Hell Brothers, and el Patrón Alberto versus Brian Cage. That’s your show tonight, then, I guess.

Backstage, Máscara Año 2000 Jr, who is the guy who’s been trying to impress Texano Jr and el Hijo del Fantasma with his luxury goods lately, tried to pick up Taya. She was not interested in his swanky watch and his Dolce & Gabana shirt, but he seemed upbeat about it.

Hey, it’s our opening match! It’s Los Güeros del Cielo (Angélico & Jack Evans) versus La Secta (Dark Cuervo & Dark Scoria), and what better way to hype a pay-per-view match than to have that same match, for free, on TV?

Before the match, they showed a hype video for their match at Verano de Escándalo and then La Secta came out. They are crusty goth and fat goth. All the goths, basically.

Los Güeros, on the other hand, are luminous RAVE KIDS. It’s the battle of the youth brigades! I want a Global Hypercolour shirt with Angélico’s face on it! Oh, Jack Evans has bleached his hair, just in time for… ah, but I’m jumping ahead.

La Secta jumped Los Güeros before the bell, laying in the boots on the outside of the ring. Yeah, it’s the rudo breakdown from the off! And, crap, I just noticed it’s the six-sided ring. Enough already!

Evans made a brief comeback, which was stopped by Dark Scoria, and the kicking continued, in the ring this time, where Evans found more redundant fire. BUT! Evans found EVEN MORE fire, sending Dark Cuervo outside and fending off Dark Scoria with a kick that flipped him – Evans – over the top rope onto the apron. From there he moonsaulted out onto Dark Cuervo. It looked pretty sweet.

Angélico returned to the ring with fire of his own, taking down Dark Scoria, and Los Güeros stood tall! They double-teamed Dark Scoria with flipping and kicking for a nearfall, and then laid in the knees. Dark Cuervo came in to make the save but got trapped in a whacky lucha submission by Evans, as Angélico continued on at Dark Scoria, locking on a Gory Special which he dropped into a senton on Dark Cuervo.

Los Güeros left the ring to get a HUGE PIECE OF WOOD, which is what passes for tables in parts of Mexico. They set it up in the corner and an ambulance could be heard outside the outdoor venue. Apt. Angélico tried to hit the Fall of Angels through the table on Dark Scoria, but he wriggled free and los rudos took control of the match again.

Dark Cuervo posted Jack Evans from the outside, while Dark Scoria worked over Angélico. He was joined by Cuervo for some ouchy double-teams, and then they taped Angélico’s hands together around the ring rope, trapping him. Evans fought back but got overwhelmed, and La Secta threw him through the HUGE WOODEN BOARD, head first. OUCHY. Referee el Piero tried to reason with them and got a shove and a PUNCH. Pretty sure that’s a DQ.

El Piero threw the match out and assorted geeks attended to Evans & Angélico, while Cuervo & Scoria tried to continue their attack. Hot stuff.

Up next was the second of tonight’s FOUR matches – Los Psycho Circus (Psycho Clown, Monsther Clown & Murder Clown) versus Brian Cage, Pentagón Jr & Texano Jr.

Pentagón Jr came out first. He is SUCH a bad man. He has CERO MIEDO. Brian Cage, looking cool in subdued hues, was out next. He’s such a fucking specimen. I’m not sure what chemicals were involved but they did a good job. Finally, Texano Jr came out. Sadly he did not have his MASSIVE SWORD but he did have his bullrope and his referee, el Hijo del Tirantes.

“Entrance of the Gladiators” hit, and out came Los Psycho Circus. A psycho, a monst(h)er, and a murder(er). Good guys, all. MEXICO! The crowd went wild, as they usually do for these guys, and I am STOKED to see Psycho Clown LIVE soon. I will LOSE MY SHIT.

Hey, guess what? Yeah, los rudos attacked los técnicos before the bell and the rudo breakdown was on from the off. I’m fine with that. Texano Jr beat Psycho Clown around ringside, and Pentagón Jr had left Monsther Clown lying. Brian Cage took out Murder Clown and it was ON! Then Texano Jr picked up a small dog from somewhere and threw it at Psycho Clown, who caught it and put it down, safely. Again, MEXICO!

The ambulance noise went off again and I realised it must be some little shit in the crowd with one of those effects things. That or Jones from Police Academy was in the front row. Either or. Back in the ring, Texano Jr whipped Psycho Clown with his bullrope and the rudo breakdown continued.

Pentagón Jr tried to slam Murder Clown but he was, obv, too heavy. Instead, Murder Clown slammed Pentagón Jr, and then Texano Jr accidentally whipped his teammate with the bullrope. This is Mexican for “transition move” and los técnicos took over.

The clowns took out their switches – yeah, the good guy clowns have whips, too – and started beating on Pentagón Jr. Texano Jr made the save and cleared the ring of Psycho & Monsther Clowns but Murder Clown wouldn’t go. Eventually he got him out but Psycho Clown returned and they went toe-to-toe. Oh, at this point, it turned into a proper match.

So Texano Jr and Psycho Clown went at it, and Psycho Clown stole Texano Jr’s bullrope and laid it in. Pentagón Jr came in and got a whipping from Psycho Clown’s switch. Hyped up, even Murder & Monsther Clowns got a switchin’ before el Hijo del Tirantes got what’s always coming to him.

Psycho Clown tried a whacky pin on texano Jr but Pentagón Jr broke it up, and then hit a lungblower for a nearfall. Monsther Clown came in and he & Pentagón Jr went at it, with the Monsther getting a sbumission on Pentagón Jr that was broken by Cage, who suplexed him out of his clown pants.

Cage and Murder Clown went at it like HOSSES, and Cage tried to slam Murder Clown but couldn’t get him up. He tried to knock him down but got gorilla pressed for his troubles and hit with an elbow drop for a nearfall, broken by Texano Jr & Pentagón Jr.

They both teamed up to send Murder Clown outside but he dragged them out of the ring after him. Psycho Clown lined up a topé suicida on them but they moved and he hit Murder Clown. Back in the ring, Cage pinned Monsther Clown and los rudos took the win.

After the match, Psycho Clown stood guard over Monsther Clown but the clowns got blindsided by Electro Shock and el Hijo del Pirata Morgan, two thirds of Holocausto, who will fight Los Psycho Circus at Verano de Escándalo.

Electro Shock got on the mic’ and cut a talky. He said that his team would win the Trios titles at the PPV, and then laid in a few more kicks on Psycho Clown for good measure.

After a break, Electro Shock returned in the next match – Blue Demon Jr, Fénix & Myzteziz versus Averno, Chessman & Electro Shock.

Electro Shock came out first, pointing at the fans who were trying to handslap him. Then he did some weird thing where he rubbed his hand on his mask and flicked it at the crowd. Yeah, me either. Averno was out next, and was weirdly wearing his old mask. Chessman never had a mask, just facepaint, which he still wears. Fat Wolfpac Sting. There were a fair few rudo fans in the crowd.

For los técnicos, Fénix came out first, all handslaps and confident bouncing. In Lucha Underground he is Feenix, in AAA he is Fennix. You can tell us lucha hipsters by how we say his name. Blue Demon Jr came out next and ignored a small, masked child who had snuck onto the ramp. Time and place, kid. Gregorian chanting then brought out Myzteziz, fresh off his win as part of The Dream Team at the Lucha Libre World Cup.

Ha, in what’s getting to be a thing now, los rudos piled in before the bell, straight into the rudo breakdown AGAIN. Averno beat Myzteziz around ringside, posting him on the ringpost, while the others brawled in the ring.

Electro Shock took Fénix outside and crotched him on the barriers while Averno and Chessman worked over Blue Demon Jr. Fénix rushed the ring to make the save but got beat down, too, and that fucking siren is doing my head in! STOP IT.

Then it was Myzteziz’s turn for a beating. Still wearing his t-shirt with muscles printed on it, he tried to find some fire but got tossed out of the ring. Blue Demon Jr came back in and it’s been a very rudo breakdown kind of show, really.

Ooh, Electro Shock covered Blue Demon Jr for the pin but Chessman wouldn’t let the referee get down to count it. DISSENT! Electro Shock stood, pissed off, while Los Hell Brothers worked over Blue Demon Jr in the corner. El Piero tried to tell them off but, as we know, lucha referees have as much authority as a lollipop lady.

BUT! Blue Demon Jr, and then Fénix, and then Myzteziz – with a sweet topé suicida – hit back, and suddenly the tables had been turned! Oh, not for long, though, because Electro Shock hit Fénix with a DDT for a nearfall and a Death Valley Driver for another. He picked Fénix up for a powerbomb but Fénix rolled it through into a whacky bridged pin for the win! Out of nowhere!

After the match, Averno & Chessman beat on Electro Shock, which brought out el Hijo del Pirata Morgan for the save. He got beat down, too, and Averno grabbed a mic’. He cut a talky, saying his team would win the Trios titles at Verano de Escándalo.

When he was done, Electro Shock and el Hijo del Pirata Morgan attacked Averno and Chessman, and then Electro Shock cut another talky. I think this means war.

And then, because this could go on forever, Cibernético ran out, and he & Chessman & Averno beat down Electro Shock & el Hijo del Pirata Morgan. Then Cibernético cut a talky and if it wasn’t war before, it’s certainly WAR now.

Hey, it’s our main event! It’s el Patrón Alberto & La Parka vs Cibernético & Mesías!

Mesías came out and ignored the same kid – now not wearing a mask – that Blue Demon Jr did. Kid can’t get a break. Cibernético is hench and means business. He had el Hijo del Tirantes with him. He gets around.

La Parka came out and the crowd lost it again. Clowns and skeletons, loved the whole world over. El Patrón Alberto is MASSIVE. I don’t mean he’s hench, like Cibernético, but he’s POPULAR. The people love Alberto and Alberto loves the people.

And, because we may as well complete that particular scorecard, los rudos attacked los técnicos before the bell. Hey, when you’ve got a theme, stick to it!

Mesías jumped Alberto outside the ring and then took care of La Parka in the ring. Meanwhile, Cibernético went to the back and got a table – one with actual legs rather than a big piece of wood, which had been used earlier. They still propped it up in the corner, though.

Mesías tried to whip La Parka into the table but he baseball-slided to stop himself and then came back and took los rudos down. Alberto joined him in the ring and they cleared house, before Alberto hit a huge topé suicida out onto Mesías.

La Parka and Cibernético brawled in the ring. La Parka came out on top and Cibernético rolled outside. La Parka hit a topé suicida out onto him and they both lay, done.

Back in the ring, Mesías and Alberto went at it. Alberto got a nearfall – very slowly counted by el Hijo del Tirantes – from an enzuigiri, and then went up top for the ten punch deal. Mesías escaped and took Alberto down for a nearfall – counted very fast this time – of his own.

They fought up top and Alberto got the better of Mesías, hitting his double foot stomp on the way down. He stood up and called for the armbar but Mesías fought back with a forearm and jawjacker. He followed up with some clotheslines in the corner but fell prey to an armbar over the ropes.

Alberto hit a superkick and el Hijo del Tirantes didn’t want to count. Brian Cage came out and hit the ring, and tried to powerbomb Alberto through the table. Alberto reversed it but Mesías stopped him, and then Cage speared Alberto, breaking the table in half.

Weirdly, that was the end of things, and they cut backstage to a talky by Alberto, all bruised and bloody. Cage & Konnan walked up and challenges were thrown around concerning the match at Verano de Escándalo. Alberto got mad and los rudos walked away and that’s your show!

This was a Good Show. It was pacy and action-filled and everything in it furthered the feuds for the PPV. Textbook wrestling TV, really.

(You can see this show every week on AAA’s YouTube channel. The stars of AAA will be appearing at London’s Albert Hall on July 11th – details on luchafuture.com)

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