Linus Report: Lucha Underground, 03/06/2015

Hey, it’s Lucha Underground! It’s that show where a man DIED for our entertainment!

The show started with Chavo Guerrero Jr in Dario Cueto’s office. The dirty rotten scoundrel has only sold out Black Lotus! He told Cueto that Dragón Azteca trained her, and that she was back to kill Cueto’s brother, Matanza.

Chavo told Cueto that Dragón Azteca has promised to wipe out his debts in Mexico (debts accrued by attacking Blue Demon Jr waaaay back) if he keeps her safe, but said he was loyal to the highest bidder. Cueto offered money but Chavo wanted round-the-clock protection from the Mexican luchadores. Cueto agreed…

The announcers welcomed us to the show and Vampiro thanked Los Rayobacks, tonight’s band. They hyped this week’s line-up and then threw straight to Melissa Santos for the opening match.

Hey, it’s Jack Evans! He came out and pointedly refused to high-five a dude in the front row to establish his rudo credentials. The dude was wearing what looked like a Groucho Marx disguise, anyway.

Evans was fighting Argenis, who very much the middle brother in his family. Big brother Myzteziz is world famous (in Mexico), while little brother Argos is a catalogue shop. Oh, there’s also Mini Murder Clown but I’m not even going there.

Dario Cueto appeared out of his ringside office and basically called them both losers. He said that the winner of this match would get one of the seven Aztec medallions, which would bring good fortune.

So they had a match and it wasn’t a great match. They did some really cool spots but the whole thing felt a bit off and there were some botches that you’d think could have been fixed in editing.

Evans got the win – and the medallion – with a cool bridging backslide. It was fun for what it was.

In the locker room, Delavar Daivari told Big Ryck that he’d been granted a Trios title shot, so they needed a third man. Ryck suggested his cousin, The Mack, who walked up and agreed. But then Cage walked in and took The Mack out, putting himself forward for the role. Daivari, impressed with Cage’s brutality, signed him up.

In a different part of the locker room, Chavo Guerrero Jr met with Black Lotus. He told her that Cueto had agreed to let her fight and that her first match was tonight. She saw right through him and they fought, with Lotus beating him down. The Crew – well, Mister Cisco & Cortez Castro, because Bael got KILLED last week – turned up and joined in against Black Lotus. Chavo waffled her from behind with a steel pipe and then produced some handcuffs…

Hey, it’s the Trios champions! It’s Ivelisse, Son of Havoc, and Angélico! They’re fighting Delavar Daivari, Big Ryck, and Cage, for the Trios titles!

Ivelisse was still on crutches and so spent the first part of the match not being tagged in, no matter how hard she tried, so eventually she went and sat in the front row. Son of Havoc and Angélico had those issues they’ve been having and blind tags were made aplenty.

Daivari’s team worked smoothly, until Ivelisse finally got involved, distracting the heels (and the referee) so Texano (Jr) could run in and interfere. Son of Havoc and Angélico finally worked together to get the win and keep their titles.

This was fun, and the interjection of Texano was a genuine surprise that solved the issue of how the underdogs were going to win. Nothing amazing, but still good stuff, although I couldn’t care less about Daivari at this point.

In Dario Cueto’s office, Chavo Guerrero Jr & The Crew delivered a bound and gagged Black Lotus. He said he was going to put her in a cage across from his brother…

Hey, it’s our main event! It’s Pentagón Jr versus Sexy Star in a submission match!

So this came about because Sexy Star stopped Pentagón Jr breaking Super Fly’s arm, and then scored an upset pin over Pentagón Jr in a grudge match. The odds were not stacked in Sexy Star’s favour…

Despite Sexy Star’s lack of submissions, she took a fair portion of the match but Pentagón Jr overpowered her and won with a whacky lucha submission after hitting the package piledriver. At one point it looked like Super Fly had come to Sexy Star’s aid but he turned on her, still upset about losing his mask to her, you’d assume.

After the match, Pentagón Jr made to break Sexy Star’s arm but Vampiro jumped out of his seat and got into the ring to ward him off. The fans chanted for Vampiro and he got a shocked look on his face as Matt Striker posited that Vampiro thought he’d left that part of him behind, the part that did some very bad things to people.

Before the show went off the air, Vampiro was shown backstage, staring into a bathroom mirror. As voices of his past and the cheering of the crowd echoed in his head, he slammed his forehead repeatedly into the mirror…

This was a Good Show but not a Great Show. That sounds uncharitable but that’s how good this show usually is. There’s another eight or nine shows to come in this season and things will speed up considerably from here, I’d wager.

(Lucha Underground airs in the US on the El Rey Network on Wednesdays at 9pm ET, and en Español on Unimas on Saturdays at 4pm ET. It does not currently air in the UK but you can probably find it somewhere out there in the ether…)

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