Linus Report: WWE Smackdown, 28/05/2015


Hey, it’s WWE Smackdown! It’s that show that people don’t always watch but mostly always should!

The show started with Dean Ambrose coming down to the ring. Later in the show, it’ll be him & Roman Reigns versus Kane & Seth Rollins, in a re-match from Raw. But now Ambrose was out to talk about what happened on Monday’s show, when The Authority got him arrested for hitting a cameraman.

They showed footage of what happened and Ambrose said that with his one ‘phone call he called his best friend, Roman Reigns. He said it was ironic that it was footage from WWE’s own YouTube channel that got him off the hook. He said the boys of the NYPD are huge Ambrose fans and all it took was a few autographs and he even got to borrow a paddy wagon to get back to the show.

They showed footage of Ambrose making it back to Raw in time to sign the contract for Elimination Chamber, and he said that Sunday’s PPV was just going to be two guys beating the hell out of each other. And when the smoke cleared, the reign of Rollins would be over…

Hey, it’s The Prime Time Players! They came out to be lumberjacks, along with Los Matadores, The Ascension, and The New Day, for a match between The Lucha Dragons and Tyson Kidd & Cesaro! But firstly, booooooooooo – they weren’t wearing lumberjack shirts. Say what you willabout WCW but at least they got that right, even when they had to find one to fit Giant “Loch Ness” Haystacks!

So Kidd & Cesaro had a match with The Lucha Dragons and it wasn’t all that great. Cesaro just didn’t work well with the luchadores, which is odd because he usually works well with everyone. The sections with Kidd were fine, though.

The lumberjacks played it straight throughout, tossing the guys back in straightaway, although they did act as crashmats occasionally for dives. The finish came when Xavier Woods distracted Tyson Kidd and Kalisto hit the Salida del Sol for the win. All these teams will do battle in the Elimination Chamber on Sunday.

Backstage, Kane was on the ‘phone. Seth Rollins and J&J Security walked up. Jamie Noble compared dean Ambrose to his crazy aunt in a hilariously unfunny bit while the others looked awkward. Kane told Rollins not to worry – after tonight, he won’t have to worry about anything come Sunday.

The announcers thanked The Offspring for providing the theme music for the Elimination Chamber PPV, presumably all the way from 1996.

Hey, it’s R-Truth! Is he only in the Intercontinental title mix because he’s black? Well, someone had to say it and it might as well be me. Anyway, he’s fighting Bad News Barrett tonight, before they both enter the Elimination Chamber on Sunday.

Bad News Barrett used to be Intercontinental champion. And he lost all the time in non-title matches. Now he’s the King of the Ring. And he loses all the time, in non-KotR matches. And he lost here, when Truth hit the Lie Detector for the pinfall. Sucks to be Barrett.

After the match, Sheamus – who is also in the Elimination Chamber match – came out and destroyed both of them with Brogue Kicks. Pinned and beaten up. Poor Barrett.

Backstage, Lana was shown discussing something, off-mic’, with a production geek.

After a break, they showed footage of the contretemps between Lana and Rusev on Raw. Still with Team Rusev over here.

Backstage Renee spoke to Lana. Lana said she thought Rusev was different and thought he could change. Typical woman. But she was wrong and she was no man’s property. Renee asked about Lana’s relationship with Dolph Ziggler, and Lana said there was no relationship. She said Rusev’s attack on Ziggler on Raw wouldn’t stop him competing in the Elimination Chamber.

Rusev walked up and Backstage Renee made herself scarce. Lana asked him if he had come to throw another tantrum but he said he had already had his way with “little Dolph”. He asked where Ziggler was, wondered if he was scared to show up, and said it wasn’t bothering him, anyway. Lana asked him if he was jealous and he said he wasn’t, that Ziggler had suffered because of her “wretched” kiss, and she had her dug her grave and now had to lie in it. TEAM RUSEV!

Hey, it’s The Ryback! He came down to the ring to fight Rusev but before the Bulgarian came out, they went to a commercial. I HATE that.

Anyway, Rusev came out and they had a match. It was a match full of pounding and squeezing and nowhere near the HOSS match it could and should have been. It was alright, though, considering it had The Ryback in it.

Halfway through, The Ryback tossed Rusev out of the ring and he landed awkwardly, hurting his ankle. He continued the match but was limping noticeably. It all broke down on the outside and Rusev threw The Ryback into the ring post and the referee weakly called for a DQ. Terrible finish.

These two are supposed to fight in the Elimination Chamber match on Sunday’s PPV but I don’t know how fit Rusev will be now. The good thing is that this feud with Ziggler, and Lana turning babyface, is HORRIBLE, so some enforced time off may be the best thing for him. Who knew The Ryback’s clumsiness could save the booking so well?

Naomi & Tamina, and Paige, were shown walking down corridors in split-screen. There’s some kind of match next!

Hey, it’s Naomi & Tamina! Naomi’s in her fighting gear and Tamina’s in her civvies so I guess it’s Naomi fighting Paige. I vaguely recall them saying that earlier but you’ll have to forgive me if I zone out occasionally.

So, yeah, Naomi and Paige had a match and it was a so-so match. Nothing overtly bad and nothing anywhere near good. Just a match.

Paige won with the Rampaige and, after the match, she stood tall in the ring while Naomi & Tamina were outside and The Bella Twins came out to the top of the ramp. Three(five)-way staredown! Still not interested in their match.

They showed some clips from the WWE App of videos sent in by wannabe contestants for Tough Enough. If you like to watch badly-acted promos by muscleheads and airheads, go search it out.

Hey, it’s Michael Cole! He was in the ring to interview NXT champion, Kevin Owens. Owens, of course, has made quite the splash on Raw the last two weeks, leaving John Cena lying in the ring after hitting his pop-up powerbomb.

Owens told Cole that he may have only been in the WWE for two weeks but that he’s been in the business for fifteen years. He said he’s dominated all over the world just like he’ll dominate John Cena at @Elimination Chamber@.

Cole started to say that Cena isn’t the usual type of competitor he faces but Owens said he knew all about Cena, including his fifty-seven terrible t-shirt designs.

Owens said he had nothing to prove to Cena. In fact, Cena had something to prove to him. Cole reminded Owens that Cena said that Owens knew how to start a fight but didn’t know to finish one, and Owens showed video footage of him finishing Sami Zayn at NXT Takeover: Unstoppable.

Owens said he’d done exactly what he said he was going to do at Takeover – and if he’d done that to his best friend, imagine what he could do to Cena.

As Owens walked to the back, he passed Dean Ambrose on the ramp who was coming down for the main event. They barely acknowledged each other but, boy, is that a feud I’d love to see.

Hey, it’s our main event! It’s Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns versus Seth Rollins & Kane!

Rollins came out with J&J Security because interference. After an early back and forth, and a heel re-grouping outside the ring, the story of the match was Ambrose taking a pasting.

That is, until he got thrown out of the ring and attacked by J&J Security, when he fired up and sent them over the announcers’ table. He made the hot tag to Reigns, who hit the Superman Punch on Rollins but the pin was broken by J&J Security for ANOTHER disqualification.

After the match, dove out onto J&J Security and then brawled with Rollins on the outside. Kane signalled for someone to come down and out ran The New Day, of all people. They joined the melee and provided a great base for Reigns to do his plancha over the top, knocking them all down. All except Xavier Woods, who stood alone in the ring, ripe for Dirty Deeds from Ambrose.

Reigns joined him in the ring and Kofi Kingston tried to come off the top rope but got caught with a Superman Punch. Big E then ate a spear, but Kane managed to chokeslam Reigns. Kane & Rollins then ganged up on Ambrose and Rollins hit a pedigree to stand tall as the show went off the air…

This was a Decent Show. Nothing essential but it entertained throughout. The build for the impromptu PPV is one of the best they’ve done all year, which speaks volumes about how much time they usually waste. And the best thing is, we get it all again for Money In The Bank!

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