Linus Report: Lucha Underground, 20/05/2015

Hey, it’s Lucha Underground! It’s that show where Angélico does INSANE things.

The show started with the usual “Previously on…” segment, highlighting Marty “The Moth” Martinez, Hernandez & Prince Puma, Delavar Daivari & Texano (Jr), and the Trios champions. There’s your show, then.

The announcers welcomed us to the show, and Vampiro gave a shout out to Sergio Mendez y La Okestra, our band for this set of tapings.

Hey, it’s Melissa Santos! She introduced Marty “The Moth” Martinez, who was super creepy and all up in her. She was a bit ooked out by him, and rightly so. His opponent on his debut was… Prince Puma. Yeah, straight in at the deep end for the super fan with Aztec pride.

They had a short match, under four minutes, but it was a good match. Martinez looked super crisp in everything he did, so that training he did in a former life on WWE’s Tough Enough must have been some use.

Puma got the win with the 630 Splash and, after the match, Hernandez came to the top of the Temple steps. After his betrayal a few weeks back, Prince Puma was in no mood to talk and Konnan challenged him to get in the ring and fight. Hernandez opted to keep his powder dry…

They cut to a pre-recorded interview, with Vampiro asking the questions at Johnny Mundo. Vampiro wanted to know why Mundo did what he did last week to Alberto el Patrón, and Mundo said he thought Alberto was overrated and that he was the biggest star in Lucha Underground.

In Dario Cueto’s office, Cueto told The Crew that, in order to please the gods, there must be human sacrifice. He said tonight’s Ladder Match was like the Aztec temple steps of old and that The Crew must win the Trios titles or the gods would be angered. he said if they didn’t, he knew someone who would have no trouble sacrificing them.

Hey, it’s Melissa! She introduced Delavar Daivari, already in the ring, and his opponent, Texano! They had a short, intense match that ended when Big Ryck appeared and clotheslined Texano out of his boots. Although the referee had already called for the bell for a DQ, Daivari got Ryck to make him count three as he reclined on Texano with a glass of scotch in his hand. The crowd chanted “You Sold Out!” at Big Ryck as he made the universal sign for money with his fingers.

In Dario Cueto’s office, Cueto was tapped on the shoulder by a woman’s finger but when he turned round there was nobody there. The hand then reached around and grabbed the key he keeps around his neck and Catrina’s mouth and boobs came into view.

She said Mil Muertes was returning, more powerful than ever, and Cueto booked him in a match against Fénix next week. he asked her what kind of match and she whispered, “a DEATH match”. Booby and great.

Black Lotus was shown walking away from wherever Dragón Azteca had been training her. In the final entry in her diary, read by Dragón Azteca, she told him that she felt ready to fulfil her destiny and kill the brother of Dario Cueto.

Azteca looked troubled by this news when a mysterious silhouette in his doorway told him he could save her. It was only Chavo Guerrero Jr! Chavo & Azteca sat down over a very low table and Chavo said he would protect Black Lotus if Dragón Azteca made his Mexican troubles go away. The (brilliantly) badly-dubbed Azteca agreed.

Hey, it’s our main event! It’s The Crew versus the Lucha Underground Trios champions – Son of Havoc, Ivelisse & Angélico – in a ladder match!

Fuck trying to re-cap this, it was balls-out awesome. The Crew went on the attack early doors, and could have had the match won, but they wanted to punish the champions. Ivelisse took a smacking, but most of the offense was on Son of Havoc and Angélico.

That’s not to say los técnicos didn’t get some of their own stuff in: Son of Havoc hit a Shooting Star Press off the top onto a table and Angélico won wrestling AGAIN with a dropkick to knock Castro off a ladder. Castro was in the middle of the ring, and Angélico took off from the roof of Dario Cueto’s office. INSANE. It was one of those moments that made Vampiro get up and walk away from the announce table.

The champions retained their titles when, with everyone else DEAD, Ivelisse and Mister Cisco climbed the ladder. Ivelisse bit Cisco’s hands as they were grabbing for the belts and he fell away, leaving her to unbuckle the strap to take the belt as her prize. Great stuff.

This was another Great Show. There’s a fear at the back of my mind that it’ll be a one season and done affair, because I’m not allowed to have nice things, but even if that happens, what a season! If you’re not watching Lucha Underground every week you’re an idiot. It’s THAT simple.

(Lucha Underground airs in the US on the El Rey Network on Wednesdays at 9pm ET, and en Español on Unimas on Saturdays at 4pm ET. It does not currently air in the UK but you can probably find it somewhere out there in the ether…)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.