Linus Report: Lucha Underground, 13/05/2015

Hey, it’s Lucha Underground! It’s that show that’s always brilliant!

The show started with a re-cap of the events of the last few weeks which saw Hernandez become number one contender to Prince Puma’s title, only for Johnny Mundo & Alberto El Patrón to thrust themselves into the title picture. The upshot is that, tonight, we get Hernandez versus Alberto El Patrón, for the number one contendership!

In the depths of the Temple, Dario Cueto was outside the cage of his monstrous brother, Matanza. We still haven’t seen him and he better not be a disappointment.

Cueto told his brother about the seven mystical medallions from the seven Aztec tribes, and how when they’re put together the make a warrior. He said he’d get a TV brought up so his brother could watch the mayhem as it ensued…

The announcers welcomed us to the show and Vampiro gave props to Sergio Mendoza Y La Orkestra! Striker promised we would also see the debut of a new luchador!

Hey, it’s Melissa Santos! She introduced Aero Star, the first competitor in tonight’s opening lucha, and then his opponent, debutant Jack Evans!

Now I remember jack Evans from his early days in TNA. He was a bit, erm, flippy floppy, with not much else to back that up. I’ve since seen him in AAA and he’s awesome. Plus, the ladies LOVE him.

So they had a luchatastic match, with dives and flips aplenty. Highlights included a 450 Splash by Evans off the barrier at ringside, and the flip piledriver that Aero Star hit to pick up the win. Good opener.

Backstage, Big Ryck was counting his money at his locker. The Mack tried to joke with him but Ryck was all business. he said that this business was all about making money and he was given the right amount of money he would even take out someone in his own family…

Killshot, King Cuerno, Cage, Pentagón Jr, and Fénix were in the ring. Melissa introduced Sexy Star and The Mack to make it seven. Dario Cueto came out of his office and told them that the winner of their match would win one of the Aztec medallions, which would give them a chance at immortality

So they had a GREAT match. It was sloppy as all hell at times but that really didn’t matter because it was fast and furious and fucking fabulous. It was move after move after move and it ROCKED.

Fénix got the win with a reverse huracanrana and a standing moonsault onto Pentagón Jr but the move of the match was Pentagón Jr tying up Sexy Star in a whacky neckbreaker AND package piledriving Fénix, AT THE SAME TIME. Incredible.

The Trios champions – Angélico, Son of Havoc & Ivelisse – were in Dario Cueto’s office. He said he liked them but Angélico & Son of Havoc had lost to The Crew in a tag-team match, so he was giving The Crew another shot at their titles. In a Ladder Match.

They protested, pointing out Ivelisse had a broken ankle, and Cueto said he could always strip them of the belts, so they reluctantly agreed to fight.

Backstage, Fénix was in the locker room when the lights flickered and Catrina appeared. She told him she’d used his power of a thousand lives so that Mil Muertes could come back even stronger. Fénix grabbed her and lights went off again and when they came back on she had vanished. Then, up on the top of the lockers, three men in skull masks stalked Fénix and leapt down onto him…

Hey, it’s Melissa! She introduced our main event – Hernandez versus Alberto El Patrón, for the number one contendership!

They locked up quickly and each got bulled into the corner early doors. The went to lock again but Hernandez pushed Alberto into the corner. He knocked him to the outside and then ran him into the ring apron.

Both men locked up quickly. Alberto pushed Hernandez in the corner, then broke the hold. Hernandez cornered Alberto, then broke his pressure. They went to lock hands, but Hernandez pushed Alberto in the corner. Hernandez knocked Alberto to the outside and shoved him into the ring apron. Alberto fought back with clotheslines and a backbreaker, and went for a superkick, but Hernandez dodged.

The trade moves and Alberto called for the armbar, but Johnny Mundo ran out and attacked him. The match continued because it was stated that it could only end by pinfall or submission.

Mundo pulled Alberto out of the ring and threw him through the window of Dario Cueto’s office. He hung, suspended, from the window frame, as Cueto poured himself a whiskey and watched with glee.

Mundo pulled Alberto back out and threw him back into the ring, where Hernandez got an easy win. The show ended with Alberto being taken away on a stretcher and a mean-looking Johnny Mundo standing on the steps of the Temple…

This was an Awesome Show. It had everything. The backstage skits were great, the matches delivered, and everyone played their part perfectly. It’s a thing of beauty El Rey have built down there in Boyle Heights…

(Lucha Underground airs in the US on the El Rey Network on Wednesdays at 9pm ET, and en Español on Unimas on Saturdays at 4pm ET. It does not currently air in the UK but you can probably find it somewhere out there in the ether…)

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