Hexagon Review: Impact Wrestling, 15/05/2015

(Editor’s Note: That this Impact Wrestling review is so late up is my bad. Good ol’ Nick got it in on time, I just had a hell of a week! – Alan)

The Best of Five series between The Wolves and The Dirty Heels starts this week, and this reviewer can’t wait. As an avid lover of Tag Team wrestling, I love how much respect the belts are getting being showcased by four incredible wrestlers.

Kurt Angle comes out with Chris Melendez at the top of the show, saying how honored he’d be if Sarge would team with him tonight (for those that don’t know, Melendez is an Army vet that lost his left leg in an IED attack in 2006). Angle calls for The Rising to come out, and they do so, with Drew Galloway saying that anyone fighting for wrestling is fighting with The Rising. Galloway says there will be a day when he fights, and he will win. My oh my, what a feud that will be: as fresh a match-up as one could find. Eric Young comes out to complain, saying he won’t quit until he has the gold. In a completely-not-at-all shocking turn of events, Angle says he’ll face EY in an ‘I Quit’ match. EY and The Beat Down Clan attack, but Bobby Lashley makes the save, and the good guys stand tall.

Brooke & Rebel versus The Dollhouse

The Dollhouse bothers me. Anyone that’s read Hexagon Review since Marti and Jade made their debuts should know that. They look like a messed up attempt at bringing the overused “crazy chick” women’s wrestler gimmick to another level. Unfortunately, someone backstage doesn’t feel the same way as I do and Jade & Marti win with a double backbreaker to Rebel.

Winners – The Dollhouse

Tyrus versus Ken Anderson

This match was set up after Anderson and EC3 had a verbal exchange similar to their last three: EC3 thinks he deserves a shot, Anderson doesn’t. Anderson acts like a twelve year old girl by repeatedly calling Tyrus a B-I-T-C-H (I spelt it so no one knows what swear word it is) until Tyrus calls on a referee. Anderson wins in less than three minutes with a Mic’ Check.

Winner – Mr Anderson

Magnus comes out to address smacking James Storm over the head with a guitar this past week. He says he’d do it again, and calls Storm out. Instead, The Revolution comes out and assaults Magnus, culminating with an Abyss Chokeslam. The Revolution act is so tired. Just split the guys up: if there’s nothing to be done with them, have them put over younger talent.

Tag-Team Championship Best-of-Five Series (Match One): The Wolves versus The Dirty Heels

This was a good start to the series: each wrestler had a chance to shine, and the match ended quickly after a surprise roll-up, surely leaving fans to want more (which they’ll get).

Winners – The Wolves (1-0)

The Dollhouse comes back to the ring (ugh) and Taryn Terrell talks about how great they (she) are (is). She plays a bit of a promiscuous role, saying she spent time with Gail Kim’s stepdaughters, and she will show them what she is wearing for Kim’s husband. Terrell does a strip tease (A+) and reveals the lingerie she will wear, then Kim runs out and cuts them off. Marti says Kim is a buzzkill and she should have some fun, but Kim tells her to shut up and turns to Terrell. She tells Terrell to prove herself in the ring, but Terrell says she doesn’t need to because Kim is nothing compared to her. She says Kim’s hubby knows it too, then Kim decks her and takes out Marti and Jade, clearing the ring and standing tall. I still don’t like the Dollhouse, but who am I to turn down a Taryn Terrell striptease?

Robbie E versus Jessie Godderz

This wasn’t all that bad. Robbie avoids a tie up with Jessie and rolls him up for the win. Jessie calls for a restart, and Robbie agrees. They bump fists and tie up, then Jessie slams him down and brags. Robbie sweeps his legs, then ties Jessie up and gets another pin. (Robbie 2, Jessie 0). Jessie calls for another restart and says he wasn’t ready, so he asks to tie his trunks before a restart. Jessie applies a headlock and hits a shoulder block, then Robbie connects with a clothesline off the ropes. Jessie whips him into the turnbuckles and hits a dropkick, then he goes for a clothesline but Robbie counters with a crucifix backslide pin for the win (Robbie 3, Jessie 0). Jessie hits Robbie with the mic’ and clotheslines him, then he press slams him on the floor, and slams him throat-first with a chair into the ringpost.

Winner – Robbie E

Hardcore War: Team Angle (Kurt Angle, Drew Galloway, Chris Melendez, Bobby Lashley & Mika) versus Team Young (Eric Young, Bram, Kenny King, Low Ki & MVP)

This was a fun match. Galloway and Low Ki try to hit each other with a pipe before Galloway sends Low Ki outside and into the barricade, then into the apron. King runs out and Galloway gets caught with an enziguiri, King beating him down with stomps afterwards. Mika runs out and evens things up, hitting King with a hip toss before he stomps him repeatedly. Galloway attacks Low Ki and hits a suplex, then King hits Mika with a pipe before Eric Young enters. He helps attack The Rising, then Kurt Angle runs out and fights with Eric on the floor. We get back to see  Bram make his entrance, and he assaults Galloway with a kendo stick before targeting Angle in the corner. Lashley enters and powerslams King, then Bram hits a DDT before Galloway takes everyone out with a somersault dive. Angle dives on everyone before Melendez tackles Young and whips him, but Young hits a piledriver and makes the cover. Looks like EY found a new way to get heat: beat up an army vet. The show ends when EY pulls off Melendez’s prosthetic leg and chokes Angle with it, demanding he quit.

Winners – Team EY

I don’t like the Dollhouse or The Revolution, but overall this was a good show. I can’t wait for the Galloway/Angle feud to begin, hopefully soon.

Grade – B

(Impact Wrestling airs in the US on Destination America on Fridays at 9pm ET, and in the UK on Challenge on Sundays at 9pm)

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