Linus Report: AAA Sin Límite, 28/02/2015

Hey, it’s AAA Sin Límite! It’s a show entirely in a language I barely understand and it still makes more sense than any episode ever of Impact Wrestling!

The show started with a run down of the recent goings-on in AAA. They’re building towards the Rey de Reyes PPV, which will be headlined by a tag match between the Los Perros del Mal team of el Hijo del Perro Aguayo and Pentagón Jr, and Myzteziz and the returning Rey Mysterio Jr.

They’re also building the Rey de Reyes tournament final, between Aero Star, Mesias, Psycho Clown & one other, a match for the AAA Welterweight title between el Hijo del Fantasma and Fénix, and el Patrón Alberto versus Cage. What a show!

Our first match was a mixed tag of sorts, with an exótico and woman on each team. Exótico Mamba and Taya Valkyrie took on veteran exótico Pimpinela Escarlata & Faby Apache.

Unlike a lot of the exóticos, who are either old or very obviously male, Mamba blurs the line most of all. In a dark club, you just might, and I’m sure it’d be quite the adventure.

Taya is an Evil Bitch! Literally. She’s one of Los Perros del Mal. Look it up. Oh, and she makes my pants go tight!

Pimpinela Escarlata was resplendent in green, and came to the ring kissing male fans who will never forget the night they encountered the Scarlet Pimpernel.

And Faby Apache? She be rocking brown like it’s sexy. And I can’t think of a single reason why it shouldn’t be.

This show was the second half of a taping in Ecatepec. On last week’s show, the crowd were a little rudo, behind the heels (and living skeleton La Parka), and they’re still up for a bit of rudo action, chanting “Perros!” But then they started chanting “Faby!” I wish they’d make their minds up.

Faby Apache is exactly the kind of woman that WWE needs, but they passed on her because she didn’t have the right look. She looks like the Hispanic element they’re so desperate to attract so I don’t know what to tell you. Taya, on the other hand, is exactly what the WWE look for. And Lance Storm trained her, like Tyler Breeze. They had her in developmental once but she’ll be on NXT before long, I’d wager. Pimpinela Escarlata & Mamba will never be considered for a mainstream US wrestling role, and that’s a shame because exóticos are cool.

The técnicos schooled the rudos in matwork to start the match. Which is as it should be. And then we got the rudo breakdown, where the heels break off and beat on their chosen técnico, while the ref waves impotently at them.

At this point in the match I realised who Mamba reminded me of – one of the Army Of Lovers. If that made sense I’d like to see the Venn diagram for your specific section of the population.

Los rudos put the boots to Pimpinela Escarlata and Faby Apache made the save, with FIRE~! Con FUEGO~! But she got cut off. Which gave me a sad face. The crowd went back to chanting “Faby!”

But, hey, the comeback was on for real the second time, and Pimpinela Escarlata capped it off by threatening to kiss the ref. He was not amused.

At points in the match you could actually see Faby Apache changing the way she was working to account for Taya being green and often out of position. It was heartwarming and impressive.

Pimpinela Escarlata got the win with the world’s slowest magistral cradle!

That was good. Pimpinela Escarlata was slow and Taya isn’t very good generally, but the others made up for that and it all came together.

After the match, Pimpinela Escarlata got a young man who had a marijuana t-shirt to dance with her in the ring. Time of his stoned life, man.

They showed a Rey de Reyes commercial. All viking soldiers in a snowscape. Stolen entirely from a trailer for SkyRim, apparently, although cut off before the DRAGON appeared. Booooooooo!

Hey, it’s Fénix! He came down to the ring and cut a talky, directed at el Hijo del Fantasma, who he faces at Rey de Reyes. At least I presume he did – it was en Español.

Our next match was Bengala and Australian Suicide versus Joe Líder and Daga. Who in the blue hell is Daga? Internets, don’t fail me now!

Oh, Daga is in Los Perros del Mal. Why have I never seen him before? *Shrug*

Bengala came out to awesome bhangra music. India, see? He used to be Ricky Marvin. I do not know why he is not Ricky Marvin now. If Bengala’s music was perfect then I do not know why Australian Suicide does not come out to INXS. He is awesome, though.

Joe Líder is one half of the tag team champions with Pentagón Jr. He lets that partiular side down. He and Daga came out to the Los Perros del Mal theme so, yeah, Daga must be a Perro. Odd.

Daga and Australian Suicide started out, doing holds and reversals like they’d just graduated wrestling school. Simple and effective.

Remember what I said about the crowd? They started chanting for Líder. Idiots, I tell you..

My mind began to wander a little, wondering what happened in Ricky Marvin’s life that he had to don a tiger mask and dance to bhangra music? I’m not assuming it was a bad thing, it’s just confusing.

The rudos did a nice, contrived double-team. Líder was still wearing his tag-team belt at this point and, indeed, wore it for the whole match. He grabbed a staple gun and began stapling Bengala in the shoulder. The ref, el Piero, just looked on, impassionately.

A rudo miscommunication brought Australian Suicide back into it, and he hit a spinning plancha out onto Daga. Bengala followed that up with a nearfall with a rana on Líder.

Líder cut off the comeback with a lariat on Bengala, but ate a double footstomp to the back off the top from Australian Suicide. Good stuff. Australian Suicide then hit a shooting star press that was never going to make Líder, and Líder jumped forward to RKO him to save the move.

They traded back and forth, with a DDT and a guillotine by Daga on Bengala getting a near submission, and Australian Suicide rana’ing Daga off of Bengala’s shoulders. Líder then hit an Asai moonsault on Australian Suicide.

Daga grabbed a bag of thumbtacks. Multi-coloured thumb tacks, like the kind you get from Staples. He spread them liberally on the mat and promptly got German’d onto them. And then Líder got back suplexed onto them.

The ouch continued when Daga Dragon suplexed Australian Suicide onto the thumb tacks, and when Bengala used a Michinoku Driver on Daga onto the thumb tacks for the win.

That was really good. Even Líder. And Daga, whoever the hell he is.

They showed last week’s Rey de Reyes semi-final, with Psycho Clown being the latest man to advance to the final. The final semi-final is on next week’s show.

Hey, it’s our main event! It’s Myzteziz vs el Hijo del Perro Aguayo!

The fans went wild for el Hijo del Perro Aguayo. I told you they were rudo. One of the fans tried to take a selfie with Perro and he acted disgusted. Good lad.

Myzteziz came out to terrible music. The announcer tried to get the crowd chanting for him. Only kids responded. Sucks to be Juan Cena, eh?

El Hijo del Perro Aguayo is so suave. And he cemented that suaveness by attacking Myzteziz before the bell. And then whacking him with a chair. SUAVE!

This was announced as a Mano a Mano match. Whether that means you can use chairs, I don’t know. Hardly anyone gets DQ’d in AAA anyway.

Myzteziz busted out the first topé of the match. At this point it very much looked like he was going to need them to combat the rampant chairshots.

Perro got straight to the mask tearing. Which is odd, because he hasn’t really got any hair to speak of – certainly not enough to put up against Myzteziz’s mask. Maybe what used to be a trail for a lucha de apuesta is now just a transition move?

During the mask tearing, Myzteziz got colour. And Perro was biting at the wound. And licking the blood. PG! Of course, during all this, the old man referee, Rafael el Maya, looked on, ineffectively.

There was more tearing, more biting, and then Perro began wiping blood on the camera. And on the fans. A fat woman in the crowd had a poster of herself and Perro, captioned “Perro (dog), aqui está tu Perra! (here is your bitch!)” She ended up with his blood all over her. I hope she doesn’t use the DNA to clone him for sex purposes.

Obviously at the end of his tether, Myzteziz began dealing out chairshots and Perro got colour. Myzteziz then grabbed a table. And a plasterboard. Because LET’S DO THIS.

Back in the ring, Perro got smashed through the plasterboard, It looked all explosive and cool. Both men, by this point, are a bloody mess. And I’m not channelling William Regal when I say that.

Myzteziz had his working boots on. He’s stepped up with no el Patrón Alberto around. And soon he’ll be shoved down to number three on the card. Such is life.

A sad looking man walked down the aisle carrying a broom, resigned to cleaning up this mess.

Remember that table Myzteziz set up? Yeah, he just got pushed off the top rope through it. And then Perro grabbed the sad man’s broom, and broke it over Myzteziz’s back. Regardless, men were sweeping up and taking away wreckage as the match continued.

Myzteziz found his FUEGO~! but the old man counts so slowly. Myzteziz got three nearfalls that could have been Bundy five counts.

Perro reached the end of his tether and just punted Myzteziz in the balls. The ref told him off so Perro hit him with a chair and then stood on his head. I think that might be a DQ.

Some goons hit the ring and pulled Perro off as the ref lay covered in Perro’s blood. A white-coated doctor came out to check on the ref, and Myzteziz and Perro brawled until goons kept them apart. All the while, a baby in the front row looked on, nonchalantly.

They brought out a stretcher for the ref and Perro walked around ringside, wiping blood on anyone that wanted it, and fistbumping a small child…

This was fucking GREAT. And it was to set up a TAG MATCH. Awesome.

That was a great show. Two good matches and one great one. AAA is my third favourite wrestling show lately. You should be watching this. It doesn’t matter that you won’t understand much of what they say – super-hero violence is a universal language.

(You can see this show every week on AAA’s YouTube channel. The stars of AAA will be appearing at London’s Albert Hall on July 11th – details on luchafuture.com)

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