Linus Report: AAA Sin Límite, 21/03/2015

Hey, it’s AAA Sin Límite! It’s Mexico’s best TV show from the world’s unluckiest wrestling promotion!

The show began with the history of AAA video they put together a few weeks ago. It’s good so why not keep showing it, eh?

They had a graphic dedicating the show to Irma Osorno Sánchez, a back office work who was killed in a bus crash last week. She looked after the ring girls and helped make the luchadores’ outfits. That was a nice touch.

The first match was Argenis, Dinastía & Niño Hamburguesa vs Carta Brava Jr, el Hijo de Pirata Morgan & Mini Psycho Clown.

Mini Psycho Clown came out to March of the Gladiators. Nobody seemed too bothered about him, unlike his full-sized counterpart who gets MASSIVE pops. Oh, yeah, Mini Psycho Clown is a mini. The name might have tipped you off. They’re small fellas – ranging from five and a half foot down to a little over three feet high. It’s a Mexican thing. Mini Psycho Clown is towards the bigger end of the scale, and fat.

Carta Brava Jr was out next. Man, I love his music. It’s so RAWK. Wrestling and metal go so well together.

Hey, its a pirate! El Hijo del Pirata Morgan has no skull over his crotch this week. Well, he might have – he’s wearing a loin cloth, perhaps to hide any chance of “cock tongue”.

Argenis came out to U2. He’s now my least favourite wrestler ever. But not Niño Hamburguesa! He is morbodly obese! He is only nineteen years old! He is awesome!

Dinastía was last out for los técnicos. He is the AAA Minis champion, and another towards the bigger end of that category. He’s alright, as far as minis go. I don’t really like minis.

The referee, el Piero, is sponsored. He’s wearing a special top and everything, with his name on the back. Get him!

Mini Psycho Clown & Dinastía started out and my mind began to wander a little – how do all these short fellas find their way into wrestling? Then Niño Hamburguesa came in. The crowd like him. What’s not to like? Ha, Carta Brava Jr cannot lift him. Fat jokes!

LINUS ANGER KLAXON! Argenis got whipped into the ropes and stopped a couple of feet short to turn round and do a move. If he’d have kept going and hit the ropes – LIKE HE SHOULD HAVE – he’d have ended up in exactly the same spot. It’s the most basic fundamental of professional wrestling! And then he did a sloppy huracanrana. Dick. Oh, hang on, though – he kicked Carta Brava Jr up the bum after that, so I could forgive him, maybe.

Dinastía did some nice stuff – including walking on his hands to escape a wheelbarrow, and faking a dive. Not at the same time, mind.

Niño Hamburguesa hurt him bum attempting a sit-down splash and a rudo beatdown ensued, during which a small man dressed as a clown headbutted him in the nuts. Dinastía came in for a beating, and then Argenis got some, including Carta Brava Jr kicking *him* in the bum. Karma’s a bitch.

Los rudos really got on top but el Hijo del Pirata Morgan missed a spear into the corner, going flying out of the ring, and los técnicos were on the comeback, with Dinastía hitting the match’s first dive (if you don’t count el Hijo del Pirata Morgan’s jaunt into nothingness), a flip plancha out onto Mini Psycho Clown.

Back in the ring, Niño Hamburguesa squashed both Carta Brava Jr and el Hijo del Pirata Morgan, and when they rolled out of the ring Argenis hit an assisted ropewalk quebrada out onto them.

Ha, Niño Hamburguesa does this flip dive through the middle rope and to help him his teammates hold the ropes open – Argenis was already on the outside so the REFEREE held the ropes for him this time. Aces.

Back in the ring, Niño Hamburguesa hit a connanoball on Mini Psycho Clown and Carta Brava Jr, beforeeating a pie and then top rope splashing them for the win. He actually ate a pie. Fun match.

After the match, Electro Shock and his mysterious pal ran out and attacked Niño Hamburguesa, with el Hijo del Pirata Morgan joining in. Electro Shock grabbed a mic’ and heeled on the crowd. He got a better reaction than Los Hell Brothers did last week but I have no idea what he said. ¡Mi Español es débil!

After a break, the luchadores & luchadoras for the next match are already in the ring, which is odd. It’s Faby Apache & Drago versus Taya & Dark Cuervo.

The referee is el Hijo del Tirantes, who is also sponsored by Cemento Moctezuma and has his own swank shirt, complete with printed on braces. They’ll regret that.

Dark Cuervo and Faby Apache started, because mid-card men and top women can mix it in AAA. They did a bit of matwork and I’m happy that the luchador formerly known as HEAVY DRACULA can wrestle a bit.

Los rudos put the boots to Drago in the ring, and then used some cool double-team moves. Nice, considering they’re not usually a team. Faby came in to try and slap Taya in the mouth but she, too, got a beatdown. Taya, by the way, is wearing tiny pants.

Los técnicos made a comeback, with a superkick from Drago knocking Taya out of the ring where Faby hit a cannonball off the apron. Drago threw Dark Cuervo out of the ring and hit a twisting plancha onto him.

Ha, Faby got the crowd to chant “RUDO!” at el Hijo del Tirantes which, to be fair, he is.

Back in the ring, Drago got the better of Dark Cuervo but Taya broke up a nearfall and had more success than Dark Cuervo did. Drago came back and kicked Taya to the outside but Dark Cuervo stopped him before he could dive.

Faby Apache took Dark Cuervo down with a missle dropkick and then did a modified Oklahoma Roll for a submission, which Taya broke up. Faby then tried a flying crossbody on Taya, who caught her and hit a fallaway slam.

Taya’s showboating gave Faby time to recover, and she hit a German suplex for a nearfall, broken up by Dark Cuervo, who then kept Drago out of the ring. That was a mistake because Taya ran the ropes and Drago tripped her. Faby hit a sliced bread up the turnbuckles on Dark Cuervo for a nearfall, but only because el Hijo del Tirantes counted slow. Faby is angry!

Her anger is for nothing because Dark Cuervo caught her with a big boot and hit a sitout powerbomb for the pin, which was noticeably quicker than the one he counted for Faby. That was okay. It’s weird how, even though Taya is kind of limited in what she can do, I don’t even think of this as anything other than a tag team match. Imagine that with Brie Bella & Summer Rae!

After a break, La Sociedad – which is Konan’s evil alliance of Perros del Mal, Los Hell Brothers, and others – come to the ring to cut a talky. The gist of it was that they want to recruit Mesías, who came out to hear what they had to say. Konnan made his pitch, and gave Mesías the mic’. Mesías dropped it and walked off, not saying anything.

Because they seem to be showing everything from these tapings, we’ve got another match: it’s Australian Suicide & Los Güeros de Cielo (Angélico & Jack Evans) versus Daga, Joe Líder & Super Fly.

Super Fly came out first, looking all cool in a leather jacket like it’s 1958 and he was joined by Daga (and his butcher’s apostrophe). They cut to a hot girl in the crowd and, while they’re showing her, the Perros del Mal music hits for Líder, and a gawky kid in front of her starts dancing. Líder has his staple gun, natch.

Los técnicos all come out together, a sea of neon green and pants-wetting by the females in the crowd. It is how it should be.

Old man Rafael Maya is the referee for this one and guess what? Yeah, he’s got a special top, too. It does not have his name written on the breast pocket, though. Mrs Maya will be livid!

To start out, Daga and Angélico busted out some holds and reversals, but they occasionally looked like they were dancing not wrestling. Stupid American disease.

Super Fly came in and indicated, through the power of mime, that he was going to stamp on Australian Suicide and kick him high into the sky. Okay then.

Joe Líder and Jack Evans came in and Líder was getting chants from the men in the crowd, probably because the women love Evans or something. Evans flipped all around him and Líder resorted to VIOLENCE, and we got the rudo breakdown.

Last week Líder dropped his belt in the corner and wrestled without wearing it, which he usually does. This week he dropped a belt in the corner but was still wearing one while he’s wrestled. I’m confused.

The rudo breakdown went on a bit – it even spanned a commercial break.

Los rudos attempted a pin but Rafael Maya counted slower than el Hijo del Tirantes on a rudo. Not because he is a técnico but because he is OLD.

Australian Suicide made a comeback and Jack Evans was BEGGING for a tag. Hot tag! Evans got caught by los rudos, though, and had to make his own comeback, and got the hot tag to Angélico.

Los técnicos took over but obviously this couldn’t end yet because Líder hasn’t used his staple gun. So they did a dive sequence: Australian Suicide flip plancha‘d and JACK EVANS SPACE FLYING TIGER DROP.

Back in the ring, Angélico kicked Daga and covered him for what would have been a ten count with any other referee but only got a two with Rafael Maya. Daga locked on an ankle lock but Angélico escaped so Daga hit a DDT and rolled it through into a guillotine. Angélico stood up, holding onto him, and fought out of it.

MOVE!, MOVE!, MOVE!, MOVE!, MOVE!, everyone down. Australian Suicide was the first to get back up and went up top for something but Daga followed him up and tried a German suplex off the top. Australian Suicide held on and Evans & Angélico rushed over and set up a double-team but Líder and Super Fly did the same to them, and they all came tumbling down in a heap of bodies. “¡Impresionante!” said the announcer! Kinda.

Líder was first to his feet and rolled up Australian Suicide but only got a nearfall. Angélico hit a crucifix powerbomb on Líder into the turnbuckles an,d when Líder rolled out of the ring to safety, hit a dive out onto him.

Back in the ring, Australian Suicide got a nearfall with a Michinoku Driver on Super Fly but Super Fly came back with two powerbombs for the win. And Líder never got to use his staple gun. Probably for the best, it always backfires on him.

Good match, if a bit spotty.

Hey, it’s our main event! It’s Fénix, Myzteziz & Psycho Clown versus el Hijo del Perro Aguayo, el Hijo del Fantasma & Pentagón Jr!

Oy, this is going to be a tough watch.

Hey, Pentagón Jr has two belts, too. Maybe he & Joe Líder are double champions? I could look it up, I guess. *does not look it up*

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE! EL HIJO DEL FANTASMA! YES! He has his belt, too – he’s AAA Cruiserweight champion.

El Hijo del Perro Aguayo doesn’t have a belt. And now he never will. The crowd LOVE him. Men and women. And children, too! That’s because he’s cool. Cool is good. My eyes are wet.

Psycho Clown came out wearing spiky armour. Of course he did. The crowd love him, too. He stopped for a picture with AAA founder Antonio Peña’s sister, who is always front row, and nearly had her eye out with a spike.

Myzteziz almost came out to Psycho Clown’s music until someone hit the right button and that sucky Gregorian chanting started up. There was a kid in the crowd with a Myzteziz mask and drawn-on abs. Funny thing is, Myzteziz isn’t even that buff.

The kids in the crowd were chanting for Psycho Clown and the adults for el Hijo del Perro Aguayo. There’s gonna be some whuppin’s in Mexico City tonight.

Myzteziz and el Hijo del Perro Aguayo started out brawling, picking up where they left off a few weeks ago. Perro rolled out of the ring and Pentagón Jr came in. He backdropped Myzteziz over the top rope, and right onto el Hijo del Perro Aguayo. That looked like it sucked.

Los técnicos forced los rudos out of the ring, and Psycho Clown went up top and hit a plancha onto Pentagón Jr. Then Fénix hit a twisting plancha on el Hijo del Fantasma, and el Piero got up on the turnbuckles again, counting them out.
Back in the ring, Fénix and el Hijo del Fantasma went at it, and I’d be stoked if they took that feud to Lucha Underground, where el Hijo del Fantasma is King Cuerno.
Psycho Clown got a nearfall with a Canadian Destroyer on Pentagón Jr, which was broken up by el Hijo del Perro Aguayo. I’d forotten that move existed. Then Myzteziz came in to take him on again, and they did a 619 spot. Boy, that was uncomfortable to watch. Myzteziz got a nearfall, which was broken up by Pentagón Jr.
Myzteziz then did that upside down into the ropes thingy that I don’t what it’s called, straight into a German suplex by el Hijo del Fantasma, and then got KICKED IN THE FACE by Pentagón Jr. Pentagón Jr, his tail up, then kicked Fénix so hard he did a 360 degree flip.
With his partners down, Psycho Clown tried to go it alone against los rudos but got beaten down, ending with Pentagón Jr dropkicking him in the taint off the top rope. At this point I noticed that Psycho Clown’s t-shirt said DROP DEAD. Christ. Anyway, he made a comeback with his switch, whipping everyone, including the referee, who is just, like, “you guys!” Then he and Myzteziz did twin topés suicida out onto el Hijo del Perro Aguayo and Pentagón Jr.

Fénix and el Hijo del Fantasma, who are fighting for the latter’s title at Rey de Reyes, were left in the ring, and el Hijo del Fantasma got a nearfall with King Cuerno’s Thrill Of The Hunt. Fénix then hit a German suplex and a Dragon suplex and then a Falcon Arrow for the overkill win.

That was a good match and it was an okay show overall. The last two weeks haven’t hit the heights they’ve been hitting lately, although that might be due to my looking at it a little differently after the weekend’s news. Hopefully, once Rey de Reyes is in the books, and it’s clear where they’re going next, things might be a bit different.

(You can see this show every week on AAA’s YouTube channel. The stars of AAA will be appearing at London’s Albert Hall on July 11th – details on luchafuture.com)

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