Linus Report: Lucha Underground 11/02/2015

Hey, it’s Lucha Underground! But you already knew that!

The show started in Dario Cueto’s office. Last week’s show had ended with Alberto el Patron walking in and introducing himself to the Lucha Underground owner. We picked up from there.

Alberto told Dario that he admired his HUGE KEY, and wanted to know what it opened. He said he wanted to talk to the crowd tonight, but Dario told him that the Temple is a place for combat. Alberto promised him that, if he granted his wish, the next time he came into Dario’s office he would be asking for BLOOD. Well, that ruled.

Hey, it’s Mariachi el Bronx! They’re tonight’s band again, and they are awesome. Check out any of their albums – they’re all called the same thing so it doesn’t really matter which one you start with.

Argenis was already in the ring, awaiting his opponent, and Melissa Santos introduced him – Fenix! Last week we saw Fenix be on the receiving end of a sneaky kiss from Catrina, Mil Muertes’s woman…

So they had a match, and it was fine. Vampiro talked up Argenis, saying he’s the new Mistico. He’s not, but he is the old Mistico’s brother.

During the match, Catrina walked down the steps to ringside. She said last week that she wanted to keep their dalliance a secret. I guess that’s out of the bag now.

After some incredible offense, mostly from Fenix, the finish came when Fenix countered a martinete into a Fire Thunder Driver for the win. Afterwards, Catrina slinked into the ring and licked Argenis’s face, keeping her eyes locked on Fenix at all times. Fenix looked confused.

Backstage, we saw Alberto getting out of a fancy car, and the announcers speculated what he might want to talk about…

Mil Muertes was backstage and encountered Catrina. She told him that the power of a thousand lives was too much for him. He grabbed her by throat and calmly lifted her six inches from the ground, and told her he needed nothing.

He returned her to the ground and walked off, bumping into Chavo Guerrero Jr in a corridor. He grabbed him by the throat and threw him into the wall, saying he’d pay his debt next week…

Hey, it’s Big Ryck! He’s in a confessional booth, and he told the priest that he was about to sin. He swore vengeance against his Crew, who had turned on him and almost blinded him a few weeks ago. He promised to go Old Testament on them, and then lit his cigar, revealing an eye patch. An on-screen graphic promised Big Ryck: Vengeance! This was amazing.

El Mariachi el Bronx welcomed us back into the Temple, as the announcers talked about King Cuerno stalking Johnny Mundo. This led into our next match, with Son of Havoc already in the ring.

Havoc took the mic’ and told the crowd he was happy to have some real competition tonight, and he was dedicating the match to the biggest bitch in the building, his girlfriend Ivelisse. She was delighted by this.

So, Johnny Mundo came to the ring and he and Havoc had quite the fun little match. Havoc gets better and more comfortable with every match, although that may be because – as time goes on – I’m forgetting he used to be M-Dogg20.

The crowd were into Son of Havoc, but also into Johnny Mundo. This weirdly lent an air of authenticity to proceedings. Why would everyone cheer for the same guy?

The finish came when Son of Havoc had Mundo primed for the Shooting Star Press off the top rope, but he took too long and Mundo popped up with an enzuigiri to set up the End Of The World. Ivelisse was not happy at this development. Poor Son of Havoc.

After the match, King Cuerno ran in and DESTROYED Johnny Mundo with stomps and the Thrill of the Hunt. This feud must continue!

More Mariachi el Bronx segued us into our next match, and Ricky Mandel was already in the ring. Vampiro did some hilarious comedy around mistaking Mandel for Rick Martel. Back to stand-up school, Vamp.

Mandel is fighting Pentagon Jr, who is on a bit of a run right now and who is super over with the crowd in the Temple. This is because he is kicking and chopping people to death, before breaking their arms with a wacky submission hold.

He did the same to Ricky Mandel, earning a submission victory and refusing to break the hold, finally snapping Mandel’s arm back. A trainer came in to see to Mandel while Pentagon Jr again dedicated his victory to his mysterious master…

Hey, it’s our main event! And it’s not a match! What is this, Raw? Alberto el Patron came to the ring, to HUGE appreciation from the crowd, and he told them that there were only friends there tonight. Aww.

He talked about his family – his legendary uncle Mil Mascaras, and his father Dos Caras – and how he had thrown off the name Dos Caras Jr to conquer a new place – America. He said he became an icon for his people there, but – and he switched to Spanish – was stabbed in the back. He said he was disrespected and he left and that was why he was here.

He said that in Lucha Underground you aren’t held back by the colour of your skin, you are only held back if you fail to deliver in the ring. He promises that he will start a revolution but was attacked by a man quickly identified as Texano Jr.

Now Alberto and Texano Jr have been feuding in AAA, and Alberto beat Texano for the AAA Megacampeon title back in November. Their feud has now bled into Lucha Underground, just as last week’s AAA show had Cage making his way south. These two shows are linked in an odd way, but a good way.

Texano Jr beat down Alberto and whipped him with his bull rope. He grabbed a mic’ and said that he would get his title back, and left Alberto lying in the ring as the show went off the air.

This was a Good Show. It continued some storylines and broke some brand new ones. I say it every week, but this show just goes from strength to strength. Only a catastrophe could derail it now…