Mastodon – The Motherload (Video Review)

Metal is awesome. Just plain awesome. Metal can do anything you can do and do it better. Just look at the above video as an example. Directed by the genius at [adult swim], it starts out on many of the routine metal notes: Religious symbolism wrapped in a gown of gothic decay and thick eyeliner. This is what the inside of Marilyn Manson’s head must look like.

All is going well and behaving according to the metal manual; no deviations, no slip ups, no irregularities. Everything is uniform and correct. Then something changes. Two of the characters from the religious metaphor portion of the video seem to get lost and wander to the set of a Nicki Minaj promo. Suddenly the set is full of leotard wearing hotties and they all have one thing in common. Huge. Freaking. Asses.

Massive ones. The kind an Easter Island head could call a cushion. The kind of butts that are to Sir Mix-a-lot what the source of the Nile was to 19th century explorers. These are Holy Grail asses. It’s as if, when the director discovered these Back-Packing Babes, he wondered what the hell he was doing with all the Old Testament crap when he could be filming this instead.

Now, the metal community can be very protective of its identity, so when other genres somehow sneak in it can seem like an invasion, or worse and assimilation; stripping all the things that make metal unique and replacing them with tropes from other genres of music, making everything the same and erasing metals history. Such defensiveness has always been overly reactionary, but when metal heads get a look at these ample cheeks bouncing in their slow motion glory, I think even the most ardent old-school rocker will believe that there can be peace between the two camps.  I mean just look at them. It’s hypnotic. The jiggling, the slapping, the bouncing; I am now under their power and will do my mistresses bidding. Even Eve from the genesis display decides to get in on the action.

And just when you think that it couldn’t get any better, the garage doors open and in walks the girl for whom the song must have been named. Walking in with an arse roughly the diameter of Io, the innermost moon of Jupiter, she is the queen and the rest are her subjects. Just look at what happens when she starts shaking. That isn’t a special effect, that’s you reaching enlightenment. That’s you reaching the next stage in human evolution, seeing through space and time and transcending humanity. And how do her fellow dancers react to her obvious superiority? With jealousy, rage and vindictiveness? No, they all rejoice. Whereas once the group was separated, two factions competing against one another, they are now dancing together in a carnival like merriment. An ode to big butts.

But Lee, how can you, a self-proclaimed 3rd Wave feminist, justify enjoying such an exploitative spectacle? Well that’s just the thing. It doesn’t seem as exploitative as this kind of pageant usually does. Instead of these girls all dressing up in Stepford Wives like identical costumes, dancing in front of some suited master, they are all wearing whatever the hell they want and they seem to be pleasing no one else but each other. Their dancing isn’t some appeal of approval to male arousal, they are there celebrating each-others bodies and how they use them to express themselves.

The girls aren’t your typical hip-hop dancers either. They don’t look photoshopped or like they are a slave to a gym membership. They have cellulite and do not give a fuck what you have to say about it. They are sexy because they are having fun, not because they are pandering to some male orientated standard of beauty. This video is as bootylicous as Anaconda without being nearly as provocative. Metal has taken this mainstream trend and done it better than anyone else could have thought possible.