Undoubtedly one of life’s greatest experiences, for any avid music fan, is attending a concert. For anyone who claims to love music, going to a gig can be one of the most uplifting and euphoric experiences and nothing compares to the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach as a venue plunges into darkness and your ears ring with the screams of likeminded fans. What even comes close?

Gigs create memories that you are likely to hold dear to you for the rest of your life. But what happens when that memory is tarnished by someone else’s doing? Having your experience ruined by the actions of others can leave a particularly bad taste in your mouth, especially when you’ve waited for god knows how long for a day that you envisioned would be perfect.

Having attended countless gigs during my 20 years on this Earth, I’ve witnessed several things fellow gig-goers do that really push my buttons. Gigs are a collective experience that each and every person in a crowd should enjoy; so why do some people find it necessary to act like complete tossers at the expense of the people around them?

Here at VultureHound, we’d like to lend a helping hand to our readers. We hope this article can teach concert attendees the dos and don’ts of gigs, educating the world in the rules of gig etiquette.

By filming the entire gig through your camera-phone, it’s almost as if you’re actually there.
First and foremost, I have to admit that I love to take photos at gigs. I’ve always had a keen love for photography and enjoy remembering my gigs through the photos and videos that I’ve taken. But for the love of god, if I have to spend the entirety of a concert watching the band perform through the screen on your device that is so conveniently placed in my eye line, I will take it. And I will smash it. Comprende? Which leads me to my next point…

Wow, you have an iPad? Thanks for bringing it along.
JUST, WHY? I feel the less I say on this the better. Your iPad is unwelcome here. It’s too big. It’s unnecessary. It doesn’t even take a fantastic picture. You look stupid. End of discussion.

Personal space? Heavens no! I’d prefer your sweaty moobs on my back any day, kind sir.
For this point, I feel as though I need to paint you all a picture from personal experience. I was watching Blink-182 perform back in 2012, a day I’d been awaiting for what seems like several lifetimes. But all it took was one obese, sweaty man grinding on me for the majority of the gig to ruin it all. To add insult to injury, he proceeded to scream the wrong words to each song in my ears until the gig ended. Thanks pal.

Stop. Pushing. Forward.
This is a serious one. Having just attended The Libertines’ comeback show at Hyde Park, I know first-hand that people who insist on pushing forward despite the lack of room can cause severe problems. Getting that extra inch closer to a band won’t affect your life – however, it might be seriously detrimental to someone else’s. Ten people were hospitalised due to crowd crushes at Hyde Park on 5 July, and it shouldn’t happen. And for the record, if Pete Doherty is telling you to back up, you back the hell up. Equally though…

If you can’t handle a crowd, buy a seated ticket.
Crowd crushes aside, standing gigs are bound to be a little uncomfortable and sometimes a smidgen too rough. But that’s the price you pay when you want to be within spitting distance of your favourite band. What really winds me up though, is when people get their knickers in a right old twist because it’s too crowded, or too hot, or someone just accidentally pulled their hair, omg. If you’re the sort of person who gets pulled out of the crowd before the bands have even started, then please don’t waste my time trying to get you over the barrier and just buy a seated ticket already.

Fan-girls, give it a rest.
Having been to many a gig in my time where my favourite bands and often favourite stars are performing, I know that it’s irresistible to try and get the attention of said band or star. I’ve screamed a few school-girlish “I love you”s in my day, I won’t lie. But once is enough. If they ignored you once, they will ignore you again. Move on and kindly shut up.

Catcalling ain’t cool, bro.
It happens in both genders, but more often in boys. So please, for the sake of humanity, stop asking the female lead to “show us yer tits” or complimenting them with an eloquent “you’re fit”. You make me vomit a little and you look like a sexist jerk. We hate you.

Furthermore, here’s a few tips from some of the VultureHound team:

Save your breath, your conversations belong elsewhere.
“People who chat the whole way through [a gig] should just go to the pub and listen to an mp3. I can hear what you’re saying, and I don’t care.”
– David Garlick, Vulture Hound Editor

Unnecessary toe protection causes unnecessary harm.
“A big no to steel toed shoes in mosh pits. You’re not on a construction site and are therefore in little danger of a breeze block dropping on your foot, but if you step on people while wearing some, it’ll feel like you’re dropping one on theirs.”
– Mia Quibell-Smith, Vulture Hound Music Writer

Misplaced moshers – know your genre!
“My biggest pet peeve with gigs is inappropriate moshing. At Reading 2013, the crowd were raging, jumping, punching and kicking – to Enter Shikari? No. Architects? No. Foals. Foals: the INDIE band. What is the point? No one is impressed with your ability to hurt yourself and other people. Calm the Foal down.”
– MJ Hall, Vulture Hound Music Writer

Some of our readers had something to say about their pet peeves at gigs too:

Go home gig-goer, you are drunk.
“That drunk person who always screams at stupid points, or makes an inappropriate comment.”
– Elliot Tongue, Portsmouth

The Space Invader.
“Rude people that see the smallest gap and try and fit themselves and their 5 friends there, resulting in you having a face full of hair and no view of the band.”
– Emily Palmer, Nottingham

Daddy’s Girl.
“Noel Gallagher’s daughter put herself and her pals in a non-existent gap in front of me at Arctic Monkeys. Spent about 20 minutes with her hair in my mouth before Tame Impala came on.”
– Rachael McQuaid, Nottinghamshire

The Human Skyscraper.
“The incredibly tall dude who would still be able to see at the back of crowd that insists on standing right at the front blocking the view for us shorties! If I stood in front of you, you still have a clear view!”
– Becy Stanley, Derbyshire

PDA.
“Couples that get off right in front of you when you’re trying to watch! NO THANKS.”

– Jodie Claire Deakin, Nottingham

Dancing Queens.
“The people who want “dancing room” because they’ve never been to a gig and don’t understand. And don’t forget the people who dance with their arms in the air and you constantly get elbowed in the face…”
– Harri Cooper, Derby

Snapchatters.
“People stood filming/snapchatting the whole gig, enjoy the moment u goonz!”

– Jack Burton, Nottinghamshire

Photo: Kimberly Bayliss