The Beards - If Your Dad Doesn't Have a Beard You've Got Two Mums (EP Review)

The Beards – If Your Dad Doesn’t Have a Beard You’ve Got Two Mums (EP Review)

If it escapes your attention that Australian cult rockers ‘The Beards’  have a thing for facial hair (but apparently not moustaches) you may need some medical attention. But, it’s okay, you can take comfort in the fact they have problems noticing things. Clearly, they haven’t heard that there’s such a thing as over-doing it.

Their new EP ‘If Your Dad Doesn’t Have a Beard You’ve Got Two Mums’ features a track of the same name, ‘You Should Consider Having Sex With a Bearded Man’ and ‘Got Me a Beard’ and is set for release 3rd June on Big Bearded Productions. So, the joke’s old already… but at least they’re dedicated.

An often overlooked factor when you dedicate your band to being comical is that you have to make the music entertaining. If you concentrate on just lyrics, you’ve just written a very long joke that people won’t rush to hear again (in essence, you’d be the band version of Michael McIntrye). I say “joke”. Absolutely all of the humor is based around the hope that the listener thinks beards are the funniest thing since…well, ever. People that don’t have this opinion will most likely find themselves concentrating more on the background. If you were to remove all the follicle based japery from ‘You Should Consider…’ you’d be left with the foundations of an 80s power ballad, and that would probably have been a better thing to try to replicate. For the first few seconds of ‘If Your Dad Doesn’t Have a Beard…’ you could probably convince yourself you’re listening to Oasis but ‘Got Me a Beard’ at least sounds like going to to accommodate an attempt at hilarity, it just fails.

Vocally, it’s not wonderful but it’s not horrific. On the plus side, if they get bored of writing about the same thing, the singer’s voice is incredibly well suited to rock music and the band does seem to fit. At no point did it sound like an instrument was doing its own thing or like someone wasn’t putting in the same level of effort as everyone else.

So, there’s nothing special on offer here. Just three helpings of what may as well be someone just shouting “BEARD!” into a microphone in 3 minute slots. If it doesn’t work out for them they can always change their name to ‘The Spectacles’ or something.

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