Walk With Me In Hell by Lamb of God

Because Love is… for better and FOR WORSE!!

Too often love songs concentrate on the good. Modern day pop and R’n’B have conditioned their audiences to believe that a relationship is akin to rolling around on a floor naked among a pile of puppy dogs. This gives people unrealistic expectations regarding the experience of being involved with someone romantically. Most people use a relationship to validate themselves, to convince themselves they are popular, likeable, that they can be loved and songs like these add fuel to this very dangerous fire. This means that the first time the relationship hits a bump in the road all the illusions these people have created about themselves due to this relationship are shattered. Enter Lamb of God. Walk With Me In Hell is a devastatingly honest portrayal of the responsibilities people have to the other person in their relationship. To be with them through the dredge of emotional baggage or through the fire of psychological drama (Isn’t that right Clair?!). To say “I know this won’t be easy, I know this is gonna tough, but I love you so much I am literally prepared to walk with you through Hell.”

The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get by The Smiths

Because Love… Bears more grudges than lonely high court judges.

Ever become so lonely you start desperately searching Amazon for books that teach you how to approach women without the annoyance of the Daily Mail starting a witch hunt against you? Well why lay down £30 for hefty manual the size of a coffee table when you can just press the play button on the above video? In it Morrissey clearly demonstrates that the best way to win the heart of a girl isn’t love, care, respect, it isn’t even cleanliness or good manners. It’s persistence. Pure dogged, determined persistence. Make it perfectly clear that you are the best they will ever get, not by convincing them of your own excellence, that’s completely out of the question; but by convincing them they aren’t capable or deserving of better. Eventually their spirits will break and they will be yours. All yours.

Superman by Eminem

Because Love is…  a convenient excuse to get laid.

Love serves a purpose. That purpose is sex. Sex drives the human condition so we may over populate the earth, use up its resources, run out, become extinct and finally rid this planet of the curse of humanity. Eminiem being the no nonsense down to earth kind of guy he is recognises this fact and has dedicated an entire song to loves nihilistic duty to be a catalyst for this most inevitable of endings. In it he tells a girl who normally disgusts him that he loves her.They have sex. Then he promptly dumps her before she can take all his money. Because that’s what women do right? RIGHT!?

Cherry Pie by Warrant

Because Love is… better with whipped cream… actually on second thoughts ewww…

Cherry Pies are a lot like vaginas. They have a salty taste, a texture akin to raw fish and are places where gallons of urine pass through each year. Isn’t comparing women’s anatomy to food fun and not remotely misogynistic?

Now I Lay Thee Down by Machine Head

Because Love is… Not just for the pretty and happy

Machine Head are a bunch of big, sweaty, hairy, bearded, beer swilling metal heads; so they know a thing or two about romance. Particularly that they all have been romantic at some point in their lives, despite being a bunch of big, sweaty, hairy, bearded, beer swilling metal heads. Romance is for anyone, no matter how unconventional  they might look or how far away they are from the clean cut, blond hair, blue eyed image of your typical prince charming. Love is enjoyed by the ugly, the grotesque, the evil and the despairing. And what better tribute to that than a Heavy Metal take on Romeo & Juliet.

Lovestruck by Madness

Because Love is… applicable to inanimate objects?

So… lampposts. Sexy eh?

Everlong by Foo Fighters

Because Love is… The most exhilarating feeing in the world (when done properly)

If your lucky enough to actually be in love or have felt it for another human being at one time in your life and have actually had those feelings returned, then you were probably fairly happy about it. During the good times the one thing you didn’t want to do was drag your bollocks through barbed wire battlements (and if you did, well then, at least the next generation won’t be cursed with your stupidity). So why is it that 99.9% of the love songs out there would make a man who just won the lottery want to use the money to buy a champagne swimming pool just to drown himself in it. They’re so depressing. Whenever I’ve been in love I’ve wanted to run a mile, climb a mountain, shout it from the top of my lungs from the roof of the tallest building. Everlong is the only song I’ve ever heard that accurately recreates this feeling. A Million and one love songs out there clogging up the radio waves like a million thumb tacks clogging up a wind pipe and one gets it right. Well done music industry, well done.

Lee Hazell

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By Lee Hazell

Lee is the Vulture Hound TV Editor.