I have a vivid memory of an evening last year when my ex-housemate was too afraid to go to her room alone, too afraid to sleep, and driven to distraction by the words ‘Human’ and ‘Centipede’. She had been introduced to a movie trailer of which the very concept chilled her to her very core. On hearing all this, out of curiosty I too watched the trailer. Nightmares ensued. No movie concept since Hostel had disturbed me quite so much. The idea that someone was capable of thinking these things up meant that someone out there actually got off on stuff like this – that terrifies me!

When one of my colleagues ordered the Blu-ray and the movie gradually made it’s way around my team at work I simply could not resist taking it home. To my disappointment however, I could simply not find another person who would watch it with me! Nobody would subject themselves to what they could only imagine would be the most horrific and chillingy film ever. One claimed to have a nervous disposition, one said that they’d heard it was rubbish (what a cop out) and  some just flat out said no.

After a couple of months, I managed to pluck up the courage to watch it alone on a Sunday afternoon…

The story begins in a typical cheap (1.5 million euros to make apparantly) horror movie type of way – two girls stranded in their car in a forest in a foreign country in skimpy clothes in a storm in the dark. First of all a creepy old German pervert in a wife beater with a fag between his lips pulls up in another car and tries to woo them to get it on with him. Of course this drives the girls to running through the forest until they find a house to take refuge and call for breakdown cover, but it someone’s lucky day.

The house they call upon belongs to a famous and deranged surgeon famed for separating siamese twins but with a plan to create a siamese triplet. As you can imagine, chaos does indeed ensue and his dream creation materialises in the form of a Human Centipede. The evil genius’ perverted plan involved them being grafted together – arse to mouth (nice huh?). You can imagine what joy ‘feeding time’ brings.

Director Tom Six says that he came up with the idea when discussing with friends how rapists and peodophiles should be punished and I guess if you were looking for something to deter that kind of thing, this would certainly put you off more so than prison!

On the whole the film can be described as poor, horrific and hilarious. The acting and the storyline are horrendous and even laughable in places, but let’s face it – they were not making thisone for an Oscar. Maybe after so much anticipation I feel someway let down by ‘The Human Centipede’ but you can certainly attribute the line ‘once seen, never forgotten’ to it. The whole movie runs for 92 minutes so you don’t have to feel as though you have wasted a great chunk of your life watching it and for that reason it’s worth a watch if you like cult movies or want something to chat about down the pub. Not sure if I’ll be chomping at the bit to watch the sequel though.

Rating: on a scale of 1 to 10 I’d give it a 5 but don’t let that put you off. Give it a go – someone’s got to love it!

Lucy Perry