‘Twas the night before Hell in a Cell, when all through the house
All smarks were stirring, even my spouse;
The cell was hung above the rafters with ease,
In hopes that St. McMahon would jump at the top to please;
I was nestled all snug in my bed;
With visions of the title above Nakamura’s head;
I’m done with this poem, Hell in a Cell was sublime,
It’s time for my review so read my tagline. Welcome to the most must-see Vulture Hound weekly review in history; welcome to… The SmackDown Review (Hell in a Cell special!)
– In the kick off match, featuring no hard cam whatsoever, Benjamin and Gable defeated The Hype Bros with some impressive offence. Gable pinned Ryder after their powerbomb/reverse bulldog off the ropes finisher. This should set up the break-up of the Hype Bros.
The first, and arguably the best match of the night, was the Hell in a Cell match for the Smackdown Tag Team Championship. In what was billed as the “final meeting” between the two teams there were spots aplenty. Multiple weapons were used including an array of kendo sticks, two trombones and a
partridge in a pear tree cymbol! Eventually, it would be the Usos who would defeat The New Day with a tandem splash on Xavier Woods and a steel chair to assist. The Usos are now five-time Tag Team Champions and I expect there next challengers will be Gable and Benjamin.
– Randy Orton defeated Rusev. Nothing special but not bad either.
– In a shock to the system, Tye Dillinger was added to the US Title match earlier in the day in a little backstage skit between Daniel Bryan and Dillinger. The triple threat featured some excellent exchanges when it eventually led to Styles hitting a Phenomenal Forearm on Dillinger where Corbin kicked Styles out of the ring and stole the win. Baron Corbin is the new United States Champion. And proves that backstage rumours aren’t always an indication of someone’s status within the company.
– After a long match for the SmackDown Women’s Championship, Natalya got herself disqualified when she hit Charlotte in the leg with a steel chair. Nattie retains the championship in the most heelish of fashions…
– Speaking of Fashion, Breezango returned to reopen their “2B” file where it was revealed the Ascension just wanted to be their friends all along. Yet, there was a twist in the tale which is set to continue in “Pulp Fashion”, a Pulp Fiction spoof, on Tuesday night’s SmackDown.
– The most
disappointing shocking result of the night witnessed Jinder Mahal not only defeat Shinsuke Nakamura to defend the WWE Championship but he did it “almost” cleanly. I say almost in air quotes because The Singh Brothers were ejected for trying to cheat which didn’t distract Shinsuke entirely as the pair fought for another minute or so until Jinder slammed Nakamura clean with a Khallas. Such a burial of poor Shinsuke has given birth to Mahal’s new nickname of Big Match Jinder.
– Bobby Roode defeated Dolph Ziggler. Roode won with a roll-up with a handful of tights. And when I say handful I mean both their bare arses were on show! Immediately after the pinfall, Ziggler hit a Zig Zag on Roode whose back was turned.
Hell in a Cell Match:
The main talking point for much of the build up and every thing that will now follow this event will be the spectacular showcase between Kevin Owens and Shane McMahon. Not just for the match itself but for the circumstances in how it ended.
As the match continued and both men grew in exhaustion they then continued to duel at the top of the cell which certainly had hearts in mouths and bums very twitchy! On more than one occasion it looked as if either one of them could come tumbling through the roof of the cell at any given moment. Eventually Owens sought safety and began to climb down.
Giving chase, McMahon began to kick and punch at Owens until he fell from the middle of the cell wall through a table. Then once again, as we have seen many times with the prodigal son, Shane cheated death as he leapt from the roof of the cell to drop an elbow on Owens.
Yet, at the last second, someone pulled Owens off the table and Shane went crashing through. It then suddenly dawned on the entire WWE Universe that the man who helped Owens was mone other than his former best friend turned nemesis, Sami Zayn. The Underdog from the Underground then dragged Owens onto McMahon for the “falls count anywhere” three count and ended the night as shockingly as it started. Leaving everyone wondering “is Sami a heel now”?
An incredible PPV leaves only the reminder that these wrestlers put their lives at risk just for our entertainment. Please do not attempt to jump from your own Hell in a Cell at home!