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RAW Recap 25/09/17

After No Mercy last night, there were many questions in the air: has John Cena retired? Is the Cruiserweight division dead? Would tonight be full of an abundance of mercy to balance out proceedings? Seriously, what was Goldie’s latest masterpiece? If you were expecting answers to any of this, prepare to be disappointed because I’m Joe and this is the RAW recap.

We opened as so many shows have before, by being welcomed to the most must-see talk show in WWE history, Miz TV. As promised last night, the Miz’s guest was the large dog Roman Reigns. It was pretty much business as usual as The Miz did his false modesty thing, biggin up Reigns for retiring the Undertaker and the torch passing that was him vs Cena last night. Reigns goes on to say that beating Cena was the most important moment of his career, that he should respect Jason Jordan because he’d be IC Champion if it wasn’t for his Miz-tourage he was out partying to celebrate, is hungover as f*ck and doesn’t know why he has to talk to an idiot like The Miz.

He then tells the miz-tourage to fetch him a beer like he’s a lad. The Miz tells him that he can’t talk about relying on a group of friends because if the Miz-tourage had been around in 2012-14, the Shield would be a footnote. Reigns challenges them to a fight but The Miz tries to squirrel out of it till Kurt turns up to say ‘naa fam’ and make the match official for later. Isn’t starting off a show with talking fun?

THE BITS YOU PROBABLY SKIPPED:

– Jason Jordan and Matt Hardy beat The Miz-tourage after Hardy hit the Twist of Fate on Dallas. It was more competitive than you might expect but certainly not more interesting.

– Elias beat Apollo Crews in the big No Mercy re-match as he attacked Titus for a distraction. After the match, Titus attacked. The pre-match song was nice.

– Finn talks to Charly, he’s happy that things are done with Bray Wyatt after he tried to victimise him and Goldust. Now his focus is back on regaining his Universal Title.

– Curt Hawkins is out in the ring and he wants to break his 118 match losing streak. Out comes Braun Strowman who chases Hawkins through the crowd, chokeslams him through a table and Running Powerslams him through an LCD screen on the entrance ramp before demanding a real fight. Plus side for Hawkins: it wasn’t a match so it didn’t add to the streak.

For the first time since the 21st March 2016, Dean Ambrose and Braun Strowman went one-on-one on RAW. It was some pretty standard David & Goliath stuff as Dean tried to fight Strowman but BRAUN had an answer for everything he had. There were some nice moments for Dean including a Running Powerslam reversed into a sleeper hold and a tope suicido caught by BRAUN but turned into a tilt-a-whirl DDT but overall this was never in any doubt about how it was ending and that was with Strowman standing tall. While Dean is always good at making others look amazing in defeat, I can’t help but feel this might have been better placed using someone who’s not one of the Tag Team Champions as enhancement talent.

MORE BITS YOU PROBABLY SKIPPED:

– Enzo Amore approaches Kurt Angle backstage and asks for a celebration of his championship win.

– Seth Rollins tells Dean to keep him posted (like Cesaro) if he’s going to take matches. He also says he’s going to tell Kurt he wants a match with BRAUN next week.

– Alexa Bliss did a promo talking about beating everyone in the division. Mickey James came out to interrupt, she is insulted by Alexa acting like she’s not there. Mickey kicks Alexa out of the ring. So it goes till Asuka arrives. Which you aren’t ready for by the way. No one is.

– Seth Rollins beat Sheamus in 4m30s. 4 is also the number of millimetres Cesaro’s teeth receded into his jaw last night! Ouch.

– Goldust attacks Finn Balor for patronising him earlier. You would’ve thought the two people in the back of the shot would intervene…

– There’s an extended recap of Reigns v Cena from last night. This must have been fun for everyone in the arena.

The Miz faced off against Roman Reigns in what was the sixth singles match these two have had on TV though this was their first on RAW as all previous five were on Smackdown. Reigns is currently 5-0 in singles against The Miz, could Mike make it 5 – 1? No, but they had a decent enough TV match with Reigns playing the cocky face trying to compete against the numbers game as The Miz utilised his ‘tourage’ to their full extent. The best thing about this match, the crowd were actually pretty hot for Reins, the worst thing is they were also pretty hot for The Miz lending this an excitement but if The Miz is actually popping the crowd with the ‘yes kicks’, maybe it’s time to turn him face or give them a rest.

The finish came as The Miz went for a Skull Crushing Finale but Reigns reversed into a Spear for the pin. After the match, the Miztourage attacked Roman, he fought back but Dallas and Axel went after him with chairs before Miz hit the Skull Crushing Finale. They did the Shield fist bump afterwards to add insult to injury. The finish came as The Miz went for a Skull Crushing Finale but Reigns reversed into a Spear for the pin. After the match, the Miztourage attacked Roman, he fought back but Dallas and Axel went after him with chairs before Miz hit the Skull Crushing Finale. They did the Shield fist bump afterwards to add insult to injury.

Finn Balor had what is a first-time singles encounter that they didn’t try to hype up with Goldust. After some early fire, Goldust took over and worked a clinical heel match, destroying Finn’s ribs outside the ring before working him over till Finn was able to get a comeback with sling blades, the shotgun dropkick and a Coup De Grace for the pin. Just when it was all looking good, the spooky Wyatt screen flash happens and there’s a child singing ‘he’s got the whole world in his hands’. I thought this was done, we were told this was done! What’s next? A Best of Seven Series? A House of Horrors Match? An Arm Wrestling Tag Match with Goldust and Mark Henry? Who knows, who cares?

MORE BITS I WISH I’D SKIPPED:

– Sasha Banks and Bayley chat backstage about how last night was everyone for themselves but tonight they have to be on the same page. Tick tock goes the Sasha heel turn clock.

– Enzo jumps Kurt in the corridor to demand a no touching policy for his celebration tonight. Kurt agrees and tells him to go away.

– Sasha Banks & Bayley defeat Nia Jax & Emma after Bayley hits the Bayley-to-Belly on Emma. Why do you hate Emma, Vince?

– Tomorrow night on 205 Live: Akira Tozawa vs Tony Nese.

– Next week: Seth Rollins vs Braun Strowman & Roman Reigns vs Miz for the IC Championship.

Enzo Amore comes out for his title celebration, he recites basically every promo he’s ever done saying all the words he knows. It turns out his celebration amounts to a baseball jersey under a curtain, spared no expense. until the entire cast of 205 Live come out to tell him he’s the worst and frankly, I can’t argue. Enzo proceeds to roast the entire roster with literally none of his barbs landing. While he’s having a go at Jack Gallagher, out comes the King of the North, Neville. Enzo tells Neville his crown is on the shoulder of a real man, that he has big ears and then he does the funky chicken dance or whatever he calls it.

Neville tells Enzo the truth is brutal and the truth is that he has made everyone hate him and that he’s only on 205 Live because no one else wanted him. Enzo argues that he is making them stars by getting eyes on them but Neville tells him that he’s making a joke out of an entire division and he’s going to end him. Enzo hides behind his ‘no attacks or no title shots’ clause before reminding him that Neville never once got the main event while he was the champ, Neville contemplates leaving for as long as it took for everyone to turn on Enzo before throwing Mr Amore into everything. Enzo tried to escape but the cruiserweight division blocked his escape, Neville shoves the no-contact clause in Enzo’s mouth, kicks him, goes up top to hit the Red Arrow, standing tall as RAW ends. If this was a double turn, it was perfectly executed. If it wasn’t, it was still a lot of fun to see New Jersey’s worst get his comeuppance.