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The SmackDown Review – 29th August 2017

Last week I was surprised by a “good” episode of SmackDown. This week was similarly “good” but the kind of “good” you tell a child their drawing of a cat is, when in reality, it more closely resembles a potato. Welcome to the most must-see Vulture Hound weekly review in history; welcome to… The SmackDown Review.

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Jinder Mahal opened this week’s show with a rather long winded promo – something we haven’t seen before! The Singh Brothers joined him but felt the need to apologise for not helping as much as they could have in previous weeks. They offered to kiss the royal feet of the Maharaja for atonement or something. I dunno, it was strange. This act of bravery loyalty was interrupted by Shinsuke Nakamura, which brought out Rusev and Randy Orton. The four were set to face each other at the night’s main event in a tag team match. With the good foreigner, Nakamura, teaming up with Orton to take on the evil foreigner duo of Mahal and Rusev who laid the pair to waste at the end of the segment.

Some big ol’ tit-bits:

– Gable and Benjamin made their debut as a tag team with some pretty dope AF theme music. Benjamin won the match with a Pay Dirt (jumping reverse STO) on Viktor.

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– AJ Styles defeated Tye Dillinger in a US Title Open challenge that was actually meant for Baron Corbin. Because the moody tweener (Corbin) can’t get his way, he decided to attack Dillinger before the match, but Dillinger refused to forfeit. Styles tapped him out with a Calf Crusher in less than a minute. Corbin attacked Dillinger again after the match, but Styles ran him off like your older brother running off the bullies at school. NERD!

– Breezango returned and took things back to basics in the latest Fashion Files. They’re still no closer in unveiling the truth of whatever it is they were investigating. At this point I don’t even care, I still love it!

– Bobby Roode continued his push for the WWE Championship with a squash victory over Mike Kannelis.

– Natalya and Carmella will have a Women’s Championship match next week even though there has been no cash-in. Weird, right?

– Kevin Owens stole the referee’s jersey to prove he could be a better referee than Shane McMahon during the match between Aiden English and Sami Zayn. Owens hit Zayn with a deliciously popped-up powerbomb to show English how it’s done for a very fast three count.

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– Dolph Ziggler swerved us harder than any McMahon ever could when he didn’t make his re-debut last night. Instead, he will show us “all style and no substance” next week. No doubt he’s pulling an Eva Marie on us.

– The Usos defeated The New Day in their long burning feud. As a caveat of their victory, the Usos will pick the stipulation for the Smackdown Tag Team Championship rematch.

– Tamina defeated a jobber whose name wasn’t worth remembering. Lana was acting as Tamina’s manager as though she thought Superfly’s daughter was actually Rusev.

The main event wasn’t really worth all the pomp and circumstance as Orton and Nakamura beat Jinder and Rusev fairly comfortably. Nakamura won the match for his team with a Kin-bloody-shasha on old handsome Rusev. After the match, Orton RKO’d Nakamura because he’s a slippery f*cking snake, remember?

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It was also announced that Orton will face Nakamura in a number one contender match next week. So look forward to that!