by Elliot Dyson
How many times in your life has WWE hyped a storyline beyond the point of being able to provide a satisfying conclusion? Save yourself the disappointment and allow me, Elliot, to… ahem… watch Raw so you don’t have to.
Monday Night Rawr (XD lulz) began with Ambrose and Rollins discussing their tumultuous relationship and seemingly on the verge of a breakthrough before The Miz and his eponymous “tourage” turned up to go hell for leather on the former Shieldsmen with a couple o’ chairs, culminating in a Skull Crushing Finale on a standing chair to Rollins.
It’s cool that they’re actually telling the story of Ambrose learning to trust Rollins instead of just presenting babyfaces as having poor long-term memory.
After a post-match beatdown last week, The Revival defeated the Hardy Boyz after an enjoyable bout in which the 2-time NXT tag champions were granted time to get their in-ring style over (featuring an incredible, ridiculous sell from Dash Wilder just before the mid-match ad-break). Also, the win wasn’t exactly definitive (true Revival fashion), so expect to see the top guys break the Hardys over the next few weeks. Also Gallows & Anderson are still somewhat involved with this.
SOME OTHER SHIT THAT HAPPENED:
– Mustafa Ali & Jack Gallagher beat the mismatched team of Brian Kendrick and Drew Gulak.
– Enzo Amore shouted a lot and was interrupted by Big Cass who force fed a big boot sammich to Amore and his new bodyguard, The Big Show.
– Elias Samson Vs. Finn Balor ended in a DQ after The Drifter went all Honky Tonk Man. Bray Wyatt did a creepy on the titantron to remind us that he tried to start a feud with Balor months ago.
– How long have the cruiserweights been using the regular ropes? Did Titus make that happen?
– Titus threw in the towel on behalf of Tozawa in his match with Ariya Daivari. Understandably, Akira wasn’t best pleased.
– Why does Matt Hardy have so many pockets? What’s he keeping in there, really?
– Bayley defeated Alexa Bliss after some ringside shenanigans from Sasha Banks and Nia Jax.
The night’s main event once again saw the two Samoan Joes go at it for a chance to challenge Brock Lesnar at Summerslam. Roman and Joe put on a heckuva match, as expected, which included Joe reversing Reigns’ most illogical move – the drive by.
The bout was cut short, however, when BRAAAAUUUUUUN marched down to the ring to pick the bones of the two exhausted performers. All signs, as of right now, point to a 4-way for the title at Summerslam, but that seems obvious, so maybe it’ll they’ll swerve us and do a keyring on a pole match between Brock and his long-time rival, Heath Slater.
Oh, and also that big Kurt Angle storyline wrapped up with the GM revealing that American Alpha’s Jason Jordan is his illegitimate son (and now on the Raw roster, without Chad Gable, one presumes). It was kind of stupid.