Impact Testing – May 4th, 2017

How will Impact hold up this week? Surprisingly well, so let’s get this started.

Matt Sydal vs Eddie Edwards

Impact opens up with a great contest between Sydal and Edwards; that means one thing The Pope will say “Show us again Keith Mitchell” over and over again! But really, aside from the commentary at times this match was as good of an opener as you can get, Sydal hit the Shooting Star Press for the win and post-match Davey Richards and Angelina Love would come charging with a chair to attack Eddie Edwards and his wife. Davey and Love look like the worst people you’ll ever meet.

Mackenzie Mitchell is backstage with the GFW Champion Magnus who cuts a short promo on his latest challenger Alberto El Patron. Matt Morgan interrupts, the big guy is upset; Brother Love diffuses the situation by making a match between the two for the GFW Championship tonight!

We get another asinine segment where KM gets pissed off at a Janitor for calling him a liar. This is the dirt worst.

GFW Women’s Championship
Sienna vs Christina Von Eerie

Last week I said I’ll wait to see Von Eerie in a match that didn’t feature Ava Storie before I judge her, I’m glad I did so. Sienna would end up picking up the victory with a pounce to become the new GFW Women’s Champion, pissing off Karen Jarrett to no end I imagine. Later in the show, the two would have a showdown where Karen Jarrett plans to throw everything at Sienna to dethrone her.

Eli Drake has a mouthful for Brother Love on how he is being forgotten about; El Patron sneaks up behind him when Brother Love has a brilliant idea, El Patron vs Eli Drake in the main event tonight. That doesn’t sound appetizing to me at all.

EC3 vs John Boland

I do really like how Impact has utilized jobbers more; not the I’m a skinny shit kinda jobber, a somewhat believable jobber. EC3 takes his time, hits a One Percenter and the win. Carter would then cut a promo telling everyone that at Slammiversary he will become the “EC3-time Heavyweight Champion.”

Borash camps behind the announcer’s table holding signs such as “P.O.S” and “Josh Sucks.” Please stop this madness!!!

GFW World Championship
Magnus vs Matt Morgan

Our first true nothing match of the night, the only factor of making this a watchable match is the fact that Magnus is as good as he is because we all know Morgan brings nothing to the table other than the fact his DNA is in space or something like that. Magnus would hit his patented elbow from the top and picks up the win.

After a nothing Lashley interview we head back to the LAX gang house where they pay their respects to the death of Decay. Konnan then tells his friends that next week they’ll hold a funeral for “Dem Boys.” The TNA faithful, not The Briscoe Brothers.

Kongo Kong vs William Weeks

Our jobber turns down Van Ness so Kong goes insane and destroys one of those shitty skinny jobbers. Braxton Sutter would come out post-match to attack Kongo Kong, Sutter gets the upper hand here but I’m sure the war is far from over.

Before our main event, we see some behind the scenes footage of Sonjay Dutt getting his eye check after it swelling shut a few weeks ago.

Eli Drake vs Alberto El Patrón

Eli Drake has some new music and it works so much better for his character, that being said El Patron is the only guy at the Impact Zone that garners any sort of real pop. The match started as nothing special but by the end of the match, I found myself getting invested in the two individuals. After Drake tries to run away and Tyrus ends up getting himself banned from ringside El Patron gets the upper hand but cannot put away Eli. The two would go back and forth for a nice while until El Patron hit a quick double stomp on Drake who was suspended in the ropes and gets the pin. Alberto El Patron will challenge Magnus for the GFW World Championship next week.

The show started off hot but it did begin to wear down as the show went on. Top the show off with a surprisingly good main event between El Patron and Eli Drake and you have yourself a pretty good show.

3/5