Donald Trump is the 45th President of the United States of America. The Inauguration

Don’t sigh. Don’t groan. Don’t turn away and say I can’t be bothered with this or I don’t want to hear this shit anymore or he’s an asshole or any of the other shallow naive responses to the fact that Donald Trump, golf course developing reality TV star, is now the most influential man in the world. It matters. It does. It has to. Because the pageantry to transfer power between the orange skinned blonde haired bloated aliens of Washington, took up the same two hours of content time on British TV’s two biggest public channels.

From 4 to 6pm on Friday the 20th of January 2017 ITV and BBC both produced live coverage of the Trump Inauguration Ceremony. How’d it go? Pretty fucking well, is what Donald- sorry, the President’s probably thinking. His kids looked great, his wife looked great, his hair looked fantastic, the Obamas and Clintons looked sick, and Bush looked like he had sunk a couple of Texas whiskeys to keep out the cold and was having a real fun time. Trump nailed it! He’s winning. Winning already!?

This Presidential shit’s easy. Because I’m gunna win it!

But hey, Mr President, who won the coverage war of carnage between the BBC and ITV?

I don’t know Harry. Why don’t you fuckin tell me.

Okay I will! Maybe I’m getting paranoid in my old age or maybe the BBC really is a propaganda machine run by the media arm of the British government. The Beeb, disgracefully, said next to nothing on the fact that the former star of The Apprentice was about to become the President of the United States of America. Katty Kay (surely not her real name), and Washington correspondent Jon Sopel sat for two hours in near silence as this evangelical splat of a masquerade took place. Had the Beeb been ordered to say very little so the British establishment could suck up to Trump and attempt to gain favour with the Devil? Well if this is the case (which is what it came across as) then shame on them, because not only is this an indirect show of cowardice on behalf of ‘British political ambition’, it also sure as shit won’t work! Not according to what President Trump said in his speech.

At least ITV had the gall to raise some questions about how the incoming president might operate. ITV wisely chose to skip on the songs and the prayer after prayer after prayer after prayer being made to remind everyone that God is American, and God loves America more than anywhere else, and when God takes his holidays away from Heaven he most wants to visit America above all the other 16 countries of the world…

ITV moved away from recording all the religious propaganda and decided to use valuable air-time to discuss some of the facts and theories about the fascinating political circumstance occurring. They added to this with significant, rounded contributions from protestors, and Trump strategists, and Clinton and Obama advisors, and Robert Peston, who was allowed to put his two pennies worth in (which we instantly threw back out). So ITV won the foul and terrible and destabilising war of the TV programmes. But, in analysing coverage of the Trump Inauguration Ceremony, there is another small matter we should take into consideration.

Donald John Trump.

President Donald John Trump.

Particularly President Donald John Trump’s speech. Conclusions coming out of the press and political analysts are akin to a coded message suggesting World War 3. (It’s on now! And we’re gunna win!!) I’m not kidding here. I wanted to be lighthearted about this whole shoomzbah (that’s the phrase my Jewish friend’s use to refer to nonsense). I wanted to sit here and write clever Trump joke after clever Trump joke after clever Trump joke about his hair and his face, his title as king of prostitutes in NYC business circles, and his sexual fascination with his eldest daughter. However Trump defeated me, like he has done everyone who has opposed him. He utterly and completely overcame the power of my words by using a speech that didn’t so much mesmerise me into inertia, as stupefy me into inaction.

If it had been EastEnders it would have been TV gold. After acting all presidential and thanking everyone and humbly shaking all the hands of all the establishment for honouring his inauguration, Trump went on stage and berated the established fellows sitting in the seats directly behind him.

An Establishment which took care of themselves/ the small group in Washington who reaped the rewards of government!

Then he threw in a few advertising slogans, mostly for the benefit of his supporters, who probably weren’t paying attention hence the need to be spoken to in bumper sticker slogans.

America first America first/ Buy American hire American/ Make America great again!

He kept on top of things by reminding everyone just how awful everything “really” is.

The carnage stops right here right now!/ The wealth of the middle class has been RIPPED from their homes/ And the crime and the gangs and the drugs that have stolen so many lives!

He contradicted himself.

We will protect our borders from the ravishes of other countries stealing our companies and destroying our jobs, whilst seeking friendship and goodwill with the nations of the world, reinforcing old alliances and forming new ones!

And then, right at the end, he put the famous Donald Trump curve ball in there just to completely bamboozle us all!

When you open your heart to patriotism, there is no room for prejudice.

In the words of the Virgin Mary…come again? What the fungoolays does that mean!? When I open my heart to patriotism I will reject prejudice!? Classic Trump.

Like I said Harry. I’m winning!

Yes you are Mr T! You’re winning using a catchphrase Charlie Sheen came up with whilst in the middle of a drug spiral that would eventually lead to him contracting HIV.

What should we take away having witnessed this…this…this…thing, this Trump card, who has four years to rule the most powerful country on earth? Fear? Anger? Humour? Hope!? I’m angry the American people are so divided. I find some of the things Donald Trump says and does to be quite funny. I hope he holds to at least one of the trillions of promises he has made the American people, and that he finds some way to improve their lives in his four years in elected office. But my overriding feeling is taken from the very end of the President’s speech.

The time for empty talk is over. Now arrives the hour of action!

I fear, with all the contradictions, and all the slogans, and those peculiar sayings, this is all, really, just empty talk, coming from a man who decided to run with it and somehow finds himself in the Oval Office. But you never know. Maybe he will turn things, that supposedly need turned, around. As the wise old Zen Master said; We’ll see.

We’ll see Mr President.

We shall see.