The Collector & The Collection (Film Review)

The Collector (Film Review)

Rating:

I love me a good slasher-fest; gore and glamour all deserve to get married in a movie. The only problem with using the term ‘good’ when it comes to films that glorify the gashing and gutting is that it’s all rather arbitrary. Sure you’ll see a lot of organs getting splattered over the screen, you’ll witness the wizardry in creating killing contraptions but don’t be expecting strong story lines, moving emotions and well anything that’ll get the hamster in your mind running any faster. Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton’s The Collection was recently released on DVD and I thought, yup I do believe I fancy a gander. Only I had to watch it’s 2009 prequel The Collector which thankfully began by pleasing my palate, casting Josh Stewart as Arkin, the protagonist that’s found himself in a bit of a pickle.

The handy-man-hottie has just finished a stint in the slammer and while he’d just love to live happily ever after with his missus and their young daughter she’s only gone and gotten herself in debt to a dodgy loan shark hasn’t she? So like a true knight in armour, Arkin is going to do the honourable thing and break into his boss’s safe and snatch himself a giant (albeit hideous) rock, hand it over to the loan shark and hey presto Bob’s your auntie his wife and daughter will be able to keep their precious lives. He’s on a Cinderella deadline but thankfully the house will be empty as the family are off to the Cape for the weekend, all he has to do is crack the beast of safe and all will be well…

Alas the God’s are against him, one creak followed by a second and Arkin soon discovers he’s not alone in the house, worse still the intruder has been there for a much longer minute than he. The collector, a walking fashion faux pas, wanders around what he has made into his Saw-style lair, cocking his head like a questioning labrador every so often as he listens out for Arkin. Wearing what appears to be a bee collector’s suit, the Collector has gotten the party started with the family; mum’s tied up in the bathtub, all manners of torturous trinkets teasing her bitses while her tears wreak havoc on her mascara. Pfft to those saying Dunstan and Melton lack creativity, they have their faceless killer hack at another poor mite, leaving him bloodied and folded like an origami ostrich in a trunk that I’m sure was destined for Hogwarts!

Poor Arkin, he’s just trying to get at the rock in the wall cupboard and now this family needs him to be a superhero as well as his liability of a lover. This renegade’s responsibilites know no limits for just as he thinks he’s scott free, he has his heart strings tugged, the little girl he played with earlier in the day is all on her tod up in the attic. If old leather face spots her he’s bound to wear her as a pair of slippers so our hero Arkin takes up the gauntlet and heads back on in to dodge razor wires, nails on staircases and of course we can’t forget the acid flooring. Sure The Collector has nothing on the American Psycho or Hellraiser, shoot even Event Horizon farts on it, but it does make you think about the kind of character that runs around collecting human beings instead of say; key rings shoes, bags, jewelery or make-up…